Page 175 of Drown Like Heaven
“Are you calling me a slut or something?” I stood up, my chair sliding backwards across the wood. “Did you want me to be your sex doll robot who has no reaction to anything other thanyou?”
Micah looked back at his computer, then clicked on another fucking email, disregarding me. If he was angry about this, it was nobody’s fault but his own.
“Why would you do that?” I seethed. “Why would you—why, Micah? You made me suck another man’s dick in front of you, and now it feels like you’re mad at me for it. You told me to!”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Then what? What are you?”
He pressed his lips together, refusing to answer me again. I hated it. I hatedhim.
For the first time, I found myself resenting the fact that he was my professor. I couldn’t escape him, not unless I wanted to let myself fail his class. It was only the middle of the semester, and no matter what, I was going to be stuck watching him lecture, listening to him talk with my group mates during lab, turning every one of my assignments intohisgoddamn hand. I couldn’t justbreak upwith him—if we were even together at all.
I felt overwhelmingly helpless.
I took a step away from the table, my gaze zipping around the room, my mind racing. Micah loudly slammed his laptop shut, then stood up.Oh, shit.
I managed to make it around the other side of the island in a few quick steps, putting some distance between us. But Micah moved closer and my pulse ratcheted up further, my fight or flight response set on a hairpin trigger. If I could make it through the kitchen and out the back door…
“Answer me! Whatareyou, Micah? If you’re not mad at me for doing what you asked, then what?” I was practically shouting now. Good thing Mason wasn’t here to hear this.
Again, there was no response, which made me think he was lying about being mad in the first place.
It was messing me up inside, the not knowing.
Why was he so difficult to read?
I’m missing something, and I’m so afraid that what I’m missing is something vital.
I know it is. And I can’t fucking figure it out.
I noticed an empty glass sitting in the sink and I took a half-step in that direction, gears whirring in my brain. Micah moved with me, still several yards away, but only getting closer.What are you going to do when you reach me? Punish me? Hurt me? I don’t know what you want from me anymore.
I don’t even know who you are. I thought I did, but that was foolish.
Pulse pounding in my head, I shuffled to the side, arm slowly reaching toward the counter with the sink. It was a stupid idea, but I didn’t care. All my thoughts were spinning in my head, moving too fast for reason or rationality to slow me down. If he wanted to be mad, I’d give him a reason to be mad.
My trembling fingers wrapped around the cup in the sink, my palm sweaty on the glass. I held it up, not severing eye contact, chest heaving with my anger. Micah’s eyes flicked to the glass, then back to my face, his brows pulled together.
Then I threw the cup on the ground as hard as I could, glass shattering everywhere.
A rush flooded my veins, searing wildly through me. Maybe with all the glass in the way, I could escape him. It felt good to be reckless, to do things Iknewhe wouldn’t like. My hands were shaking fiercely now, adrenaline dumping into my system.
I want to fuck up your life too.
For an instant, I was afraid he wouldn’t care enough to come chase me. That maybe I’d actually gone too far.
But Micah was quick.
In three long strides, he’d reached me.
A short scream burst out of me and Ididwant to run, but there was glass everywhere, and my feet were bare, and itdidn’t even matterbecause Micah’s arms were already looping around my waist, picking me up. I was half-relieved, half-terrified.
He carried me upstairs half over his shoulder, not hearing any of my protests, then set me on the floor in his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, positioning me on my knees between his feet. I glared up at him, even though I mostly wanted to rest my cheek on his thigh and close my eyes and just let him fix everything.
I’m so goddamn tired.
You can’t fix this. You can’t fix me.
