Page 193 of Drown Like Heaven
He looked at me, no humor in his expression. “Give me your phone. I don’t think your response messages are delivering to me. I’ll see if something’s wrong with your signal.”
“Don’t do that.” I got to my feet, stumbling a second before finding my footing. “Go home.”
“I’m not leaving you like this.”
“Like what?” I threw my arms up. “Drunk? I’ve been drunk plenty of times in my life. Leave.”
I turned and walked away from him, towards my bedroom. The sound of his footsteps followed me. I increased my pace, trying to get away, but I tripped over my own foot, tumbling to my knees.
“Fuck,” I muttered, holding onto the wall to stand up.
Micah was still standing right next to me.
“Get out of my house, Micah,” I snapped as I walked into my dark bedroom, then paused. “Actually, don’t. Please stay.”
The words made me blink, fuckingshockedat what I’d just said. My brain no longer wanted him to leave at all. It sounded like the worst thing he could possibly do.
“Thank you,” Micah said.
Realization made my eyes widen in horror. Now that I knew about his angelic aspect, now that I knew whatSigeianscould do…
“You can’t justdothat!” I shouted. Rage exploded in my mind, burning hot and fiery. “You can’t take pieces of me away whenever you feel like it! You’re manipulating my fucking emotions to make me want you here!”
His jaw flexed and he looked away from me, anger and indecision marring his face.
“Do you want to take this too? My anger? Make me docile and compliant?”
“You want me to show you what I want to do?” he asked loudly, taking a step towards me. “It’s not taking your anger away.”
“Sure, Micah. Show me whatever sadistic desire you’re having right now,” I said, injecting as much bravery into my voice as I could.
In the blink of an eye, everything was gone.
Everything.
The entire world went silent and dark, my voice frozen somewhere in my throat. I could no longer feel my fingerscurling into my palms, nor could I feel my feet on the ground. I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t speak, couldn’t touch.
A surge of panic so huge I thought it would kill me swelled in my brain.
The reality of the situation infused undiluted, primal terror straight into my bloodstream, cold and jagged and overwhelming.Lethal. It slid down my spine like spikes of ice, jamming up all my muscles until I was paralyzed. The only place I existed was within the confines of my own skull.
Just as quickly as the nothingness had overcome me, it dissolved away, and I was standing in my bedroom with Micah. The moment my eyes regained sight, and my voice regained its volume, I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
“Never fucking do that to me ever again!” I shrieked, taking fast steps backwards until my legs hit the edge of my bed and I fell onto my butt. I scrambled away from him, pressing my shoulders to the wall, breathing hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about how old he was. He’d lived lives I had no idea about. He could do things so horrible to me I hardly had words to describe them.
“I won’t. But now you know.”
“I wish I didn’t know.”
“And I wish you weren’t sitting alone in your bedroom, drinking yourself to death. Do you want to die, Dakota? Do you want to fucking kill yourself?” There was something like panic showing in his eyes, and it unsettled me so deeply I felt nauseous again. He was looking at me, but seeing someone else.
I don’t want to be whoever it is you’re thinking of.
I’m not your redemption.
“You don’t actuallyknowme, Micah,” I said, fighting through the wobble in my voice. “You don’t have a clue what I’ve been through, or how I like to deal with it. I can hurt myself if I want.You don’t get a say.” My fingers gripped my comforter tightly, nails scraping on the taut cotton.
“I know more than you want me to know.”
