Page 197 of Drown Like Heaven
There was a beat of silence, then he turned and grabbed my waist, guiding me over to sit on his lap on the bed, tilting his head up so his mouth met mine. I didn’t resist him. I would always be weak for this drug, this medicine which numbed everything else.Medicine or poison? I’m not good at telling the difference.My body melted into his, my thighs angling out wider, my arms looping around his neck, nails scratching at his shoulders.
He pulled back, just barely, helping me untie my sweats and kick them off my legs. I planted my underwear-clad ass back on his lap, needing to stay close to him, wanting to be even closer.
I could see in his eyes, how much he hated this. Could see exactly what he wanted to say to me.I hate you going back and forth between us. I want to make you choose.
And I knew he could see my response, shining in my glassed-over irises.If you make me choose, I’m going to choose him.
So Mason didn’t say what he wanted, and I didn’t give him the response he feared. We just kissed harder, viciously biting at each other’s lips, tangling our tongues together. I allowed myselfto be consumed by my sick desperation, my mind drifting away, dragging me down to my favorite oceanic depths.
Neither Micah nor Mason were safe for me, but at least I knew Micah wanted totake careof me. Mason would probably kill me if I ended up with him. By accident, on purpose. Somehow.
He tugged my shirt off, then his own, his bare chest so warm against mine.
“I want to see your wings,” I blurted out, still rolling my hips, craving this deeper closeness with him.
“I’m never showing you them.”
My stomach flipped.
“Are you serious?” I looked at him, both his hands sliding down to cup my ass now.
“Yeah. You’re never fucking seeing that side of me.”
The way he said it struck me in the chest, giving me a harsh reality check. Mason wasn’t the romanticized version of him that lived in my head sometimes. He didn’t change. This washim. He wasn’t going to suddenly open up now that I knew more about him.
“What about the kapnos? You told me about that.”
“That shit doesn’t matter.”
“Fuck you, Mason.”
“Tell me,” he murmured, disregarding what I said. “Does Micah fuck you like I do? Do you think about me when he’s inside of you?”
I leaned into him, pressing my lips to his neck, just below his ear. “He fucks mebetter,” I breathed.
I didn’t know why I said it. Maybe because I knew what we were doing wasn’t sustainable and I couldn’t stop myself from trying to light the final match that would start our fiery destruction. Maybe I just wanted him to fuck me harder. To scare me again.
Because it wasn’t true. Micah fucked me well, but so did Mason. They were just different—but neither weresafe.
“Yeah?” Mason growled, flipping me onto my back on his mattress and unzipping his pants, shoving them down his legs. Now he waspissed. “How well do you think he’d fuck you if you were dead?”
I hate you. I wish I never fucking met you.
You are the worst person on Earth and I still can’t stay away from you.
“I like it when you’re jealous,” I said, unsure if I was even telling the truth at this point, unsure of what I wanted anymore. I shouldn’t have come here, shouldn’t have been so weak. It was inevitable, though. I wasn’t escaping Mason in one piece.
I would keep coming back until he destroyed me.
“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” he gritted out, flicking his tongue over the seam of my lips, kissing his terrible promise into me. I wished I didn’t love the way those words tasted in my mouth, wished I wasn’t shivering with anticipation for it. “And then I’ll tell him he wasn’t the last person to touch you.It was me. Right here, right now. This is all you’re ever gonna get, baby, so make it good. This is your last time.”
I arched my back, pressing my chest into him, trembling.
“You want to try out that little fantasy now? The one where I put my gun on your pretty temple and pull the trigger?”
Fear and adrenaline flooded my veins, hot and cold all at once, pinpricks of pain lighting up every inch of my nervous system.
“Does he know about that one? I’ll bet he doesn’t know anything about you.”
