Page 199 of Drown Like Heaven
“Interesting place to draw a line.”
“Say you’re sorry.” I hooked my ankles behind his back, pulling his hips to mine, holding him so he couldn’t put any space between us.
For a second, I thought he wouldn’t say it. That he would just ignore my demand and fuck me to my death anyway. Iexpectedthat.
But Mason groaned and lowered his head, running his mouth over my jaw and down my throat, wrapping his arms under my body. “Fuck. Fuck, Dakota. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby.” He was kissing my neck, gripping me like a lifeline, breathing hard against my skin. “I wasn’t in control. I shouldn’t have been around you like that.”
I thought back to how I’d noticed him holding his breath. Now, I knew it was his aspect making him do that, and the longer he succumbed to it, the stronger he got. I was never going to win that battle.
“Kiss my hand,” I said.
Mason grabbed my wrist and I could tell he saw the way my fingers were trembling, but he just kissed my palm, then up each finger, before flipping my hand over and dragging his lips across the other side too. He lightly bit the side of my palm, his sharp incisors indenting my skin, then let me go. I reached up and threaded my fingers through his thick, dark hair, bringing his attention back to my face.
“I want to know you,” I dared to whisper.
“No you don’t, baby.” He kissed me again, getting me high in the way only he could.
“Yes I do, Mason. I want to see all the things you hate about yourself. I want to keep all your secrets,” I breathed, writhing below him.I’m yours. Let me into your darkness the way I let you into mine. I didn’t want to do it, either.
But I did. For you.
Show me your wings and everything else.
He shook his head, his expression shifting, morphing into one that I didn’t like. It reminded me of how he looked in the car when he hurt my hand. Like he’d stopped caring about me—like whatever horrible things living in his brain were in control of him now.
He was giving me fucking whiplash.
My fingers locked up, gripping his hair harder, pulling hard on the strands. If I could make him hurt, maybe he would come back to me.
Would it always be like this with him?Yes.
Either I accept him how he is now, or I leave for good.
Neither option soothed any part of my soul. Mason grabbed his gun, pushing it under my chin, making me shake again. Could I really live like this forever? I didn’t know. But I didn’t have a choice right now, so it didn’t matter what my answer to that question was. He adjusted his grip, dragging the barrel along the underside of my jaw, the ridges of the front sight scraping over my skin.
“No safety,” he murmured. “If I pull the trigger, it fires.”
I shivered.
Mason moved the gun up, jamming it into my cheek.
“How many bullets if it’s fully loaded?” he asked.
“Seventeen,” I breathed.
“Good. You know your shit.” His perceptive stare darkened another shade. “You don’t even want to live through this, do you? You want to be destroyed by it.”
Everything with Mason was always sodark, and all we could do was continue sinking. I could barely see the sunlight anymore. The first time I’d kissed him, I’d felt that pull towards the uncharted depths, that dangerous vortex which only opened up when two people like us dared to touch. It was unstoppable, something I wouldn’t be able to outrun.
How much farther until we reach the bottom?
He angled the barrel to my temple.
It felt like everything was clicking into place. This was it. The worst thought in my head. It was my sickest fantasy, the thing I only let myself think about in the dark.
Yes.
I want you to kill me.
