Page 200 of Drown Like Heaven
I told myself not to want it, told my body not to crave it, but all my efforts were in vain. Mason leaned into his forearm across my chest, keeping me down, keeping me immobile. Both of us were perversely intrigued by our own deaths, longing to chasethe seconds right before our final moment, and for that reason, I’d never be able to detach myself from him.
“He’ll kill you if you do this,” I whimpered, meaning Micah.
“Dakota,I don’t care if I live or die. Get that straight in your head. I’m going to die anyway, so what do I care if he’s the one to do it instead of me?” His stare was dark and cold. So, so cold. He wasn’t touching me nicely anymore. “Isn’t this the shit you wanted to know about me? Didn’t you want to see this?”
I thought I did.
Regret began to wind its way through me, fighting my desire.
“Did you think you were going to be the one to finally understand me?” Mason leaned closer, shoving the gun into my temple, his voice getting rougher. I could feel the slight trembling of his fingers around the grip of his gun, like his control was slipping, and it scared me worse than anything. He jerked the barrel, making me flinch, adrenaline flooding my system. “To be the one tofixme?”
“I don’t want to fix you,” I whispered.I know better than that.
“Good. You can’t,” he answered, the unsaid part of his sentence gutting me.No one ever will.
He shoved down his underwear enough to free his dick, then aligned himself with my entrance, prodding at the shameful slickness there.
“God, you’re wet. You always get so fucking wet when you’re scared. I’m addicted to it.”
I wanted to hide my red face, but I couldn’t turn my head, not with the gun digging into my skull. Mason slowly started sinking his cock inside of me, never decreasing the pressure of his gun against my head.
I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it. Didn’t I?
I’d never been so conflicted in my life.
He felt so big inside of me, so hot and thick and hard and I’d never,everget enough of him. The sound of his harsh breathing made me clench around his length, slickness dripping, my thighs quivering around his hips. I watched a drop of sweat glide down the strong column of his throat, wishing I could lick it off him.
But the gun was holding me in place.
Every twitch of Mason’s mouth showed me how hungrily he’d been waiting for this, illustrating the way my fantasy perfectly fit with his own depravity. The flex of his taut stomach and the filthy sounds of him fucking me had my eyes rolling back.
My heart was beating too fast, my lungs crushed with helpless fear. It was euphoric, perfect, horrible.
Tears accumulated in my eyes, tightness pulling low in my stomach. I was tilting my hips, squeezing my core, greedily extracting every ounce of pleasure from Mason’s dick that I could. I was limp, delirious with pleasure, my fingers aching for something to grab.
“You can’t leave me,” Mason panted, fucking me harder.
“I’m not leaving you. I won’t leave you,” I moaned, a tear squeezing out of the corner of my eye, dripping down my temple where the gun was pressed to my skin, salt meeting metal.I’ll never leave you, even when I know I should.
What does a lifetime of this look like?
I have no idea. All I know is it ends with me dead sooner than I should be.
“I have to make sure.” His eyes locked onto mine, some awful desperation glinting in his gaze, a toxic possession smoldering in that dark brown. “Alright, baby? You’re not walking away from me. Even if I have to fucking kill you.”
I wanted to killmyselffor how that sentence made me feel. What kind of person wanted this? What kind of person got off on it?
Me.
Mason’s one hand kept the gun steady, and the other was barred over my collarbones, pinning me down. I wouldn’t have moved anyway, but he was merciless. He jerked the barrel again and my eyes slammed shut, a shiver of terror ripping through me.
“You wanted real, didn’t you?” he groaned.
Breathless, I whimpered, “Yes, I did—”
“Then don’t flinch. Don’t you dare flinch.”
I don’t flinch with you.
