Page 202 of Drown Like Heaven
“You—”
“Never. Fuckingnever, Dakota.” He stared into my teary eyes.
I was nodding and nodding, my brain feeling like it’d blinked out of existence, my teeth starting to chatter. I couldn’t find any words to respond to him. Like I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that I was not actually dead, even though I’d truly believed with every drop of blood in my body that he was about to kill me.
“That’s about as real as I can make your fantasy.” He tucked my hair behind my ear.
My fucked-up fantasy.I knew I couldn’t hate him for it—didn’thate him for it—because it was exactly what I’d asked for. He’d brought me as close to that line as possible without crossing it.
For that to work, I’d had tobelieve him.
My limbs felt heavy, rubbery, my mind totally detached from my body. Sweat was cooling on my damp skin, working a numb chill through me. I could still feel the ghost of the metal on my temple, cold and unyielding, could still feel the way Mason didn’t stop even when he knew he was going to break me.
It wasn’t lost on me—or my still-pulsing clit—that I hadn’t come once during the whole mess. I remained strangely, shamefully aroused. The darkest crevices of my brain feltperversely relieved to have touched that edge I’d dreamed about for so long, even if it had almost destroyed my mind.
I hated that I’d let it happen, but more than that, I hated how it still didn’t feel like enough. The fear I’d felt thinking I was about to die was gone…and Iwanted it back.
I swallowed once, twice, but my mouth remained dry.
“There weren’t any bullets in the gun,” Mason informed me. It should’ve made me feel better.
“Can you—” I cleared my throat, my voice hoarse and quiet. “Can you show me your wings now? Or some of your power?”
“I just told you I’m never showing that to you. You think I lied?”
“Just once,” I pleaded, feeling like I’d just laid myself bare, refusing to believe that he was still going to reject me after this. It stung. “Just—just a little bit.Something. Show me who you are.”
He stared at me blankly. My heart was sinking in my chest with his refusal; a hollow, aching weight. The silence between us stretched out; too long, too thick, until I wanted to scream to fill it.
“Mason,” I said, a hot flush of humiliation creeping up my cheeks because I knew I was begging for scraps—like fucking always. “Please give me something.”
Instead of giving me his words, he slotted his lips on mine, gently angling my head while his hands roamed my waist. Somehow, it made me feel more alone than ever. We weren’t on even ground in this aftermath, because he wasn’t shaken like I was.
He didn’tneed morethe way I did.
“Mason,” I cried, trying to turn away. “Just—”
“Do you really think you could survive knowing?” he cut me off. “You barely survived tonight. You thought you wanted that, too.”
I curled in on myself, pulling away from him. Spine bending, arms crossed over my chest.
“Baby,” he murmured, uncrossing my arms, pulling me to him.
“Why won’t you let me in?” I questioned, voice breaking on a sob.
“Did Micah not tell you I’m Thrausian?”
“He did, but—”
“There’s nobutto that, Dakota. This is the worst part of me, and I’m not exposing it to you.” He said it so firmly, as if this was a truly impossible ask.
“But I want you to.” I pressed my cheek to his bare chest, listening to his heart beating strong and steady. “You made me think you were going to kill me.” The words sounded too small, too dumb.
“I would never kill you. Please let this go.”
I wanted to cry harder, beg him more, but I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere with it.
I hate you for how much you’ve made me need you.
