Page 21 of Drown Like Heaven
Even through the whirlwind of thoughts about Mason, I could still remember what’d caused me to start thinking about him in the first place. My professor. Like before, I couldn’t put my fucking finger on it, but that similarity wasthere.
Paranoia wrapped around my body like a cloak and I flattened my lips, trying to ignore the nonsensical connections my mind was working out. The true explanation was laughably simple. Mason and Dr. Killshaw were both very attractive men, more scientifically perfect than any other men I’d seen in my lifetime, and I’d just seen them both within a few days of each other.Thatwas the similarity. It was weird to see people who looked like that in real life.
Nothing more.
“You all have already taken this class before, so I’m not going to spend much time explaining how lab works.” My professor’s voice drew my focus back to the front of the room. “We’ll rotate through the different labs week by week, and I’ll get all the schedules posted soon. There are a few kinks the department has to work out, so until then…”
He flipped to the next slide, dragging a hand through his hair again. I stared at the brutal line of his side profile as he turned towards the projected screen.
“We’re just going to start with lecture. First topic is Piping and Instrumentation Diagrams, P&IDs. This will be on the first exam, and youwillencounter these in your career. A lot of things we teach in Chem E in undergrad aren’t applicable to the real world, but meant to build skills. This is extremely applicable.”
Dr. Killshaw went through a few more slides, describing the typical standards the diagrams followed, explaining a bit of why they were necessary, then going into some specifics. He showed several examples of lead sheets, pointing out what wasimportant on each one, and how we could learn to read them on our own, then use them to understand the P&IDs.
By the time lecture ended, I was starting to get antsy. I almost wanted to transfer out of this class and find some other way to meet this graduation requirement, because—as much as I tried to ignore it, to convince myself otherwise—I was weirdly unsettled by Dr. Killshaw in the same way I’d been weirdly unsettled by Mason.
And look how that turned out. With his face between my legs and his cum on my stomach. By far the riskiest hookup I’d ever had. One that’d always be in my head now.
Maybe for that reason alone I should be steering clear of my professor.
All the students filed out of the room, lingering in little groups as we all made our way down the wide steps and to the exit door near the front of the room. As I neared Dr. Killshaw’s desk, I could feel his eyes on me, somehow. I couldn’t fathom why he’d even be looking at me, though.
When I turned and caught his eye, the look on his face wasn’t what I’d expected. It felt like some strange, visceral curiosity, and it was bleeding all over his expression. Like before, it didn’t last long, and he was turning back to his laptop before I could make sense of anything.
I gripped the strap of my bag tighter and slipped out the door, navigating through the short maze of hallways to make my way out of the building. Outside, I could breathe better, the misty air cooling my lungs and dampening my skin. Little beads of water clung to the hairs framing my face and I licked my lips to get the cool moisture off them.
There was some time in between this class and my next one, so I decided to head to the library to pass the time. It was pointless for me to try and get home during this gap of time. I’d be better off getting a head start on my reading.
The library was cold and gray and angular, plastic chairs molded in modern shapes set around square tables, and metal shelves holding books over on one half of the first floor. Giant windows comprised most of the walls. It wasn’t quite cozy, but I liked the expansive gloomy views provided by all the glass, and the blue ambient light filtering into the space because of it.
I settled in with my laptop, getting to work on downloading PDFs for all my textbooks, familiarizing myself with each course homepage, and writing down all my important dates in a physical planner. This was hopefully going to be one of my less stressful semesters, since I’d gotten most of the nightmare classes out of the way at this point—or at least that was what Ithoughthad happened. Anything was possible in Chem E.
The sole of my shoe scuffed back and forth on the thin carpet, my eyes already glazing over when I attempted to get any real reading done. Air conditioning was blowing from a hidden vent and giving me goosebumps. It was my typical semester routine: attempt to get a ‘strong start’ where I promise myself I’m actually going to read the textbook and not be struggling to cram before every exam like last time, and then lose all motivation and continue on down the same stressful path I’d taken every semester prior. At least I hadn’t given up on the charade completely. It was nice to pretend I was capable of changing my ways.
I grabbed my water bottle from the side pouch of my bag and chugged the rest of its contents before going to find a recycling bin to toss it into. Students sitting at tables around the library already looked miserable, and I couldn’t imagine how dismal the energy would be once exams were actually upon us. Today was only dayone.
Sitting back down at my own table, I reopened the slide deck from my Unit Operations lecture earlier today, then navigated back to the beginning of it—to Dr. Killshaw’s introduction slide.I hadn’t paid too much attention to it during class, but I was curious.
There was a photo of him on the slide, standing on some hiking trail with trees and ocean in the background. I snapped a picture of it and sent off a message to Mila. She’d get a kick out of knowing she’d been right yet again—and that I had to actually try andlearnfrom this guy over the next few months. Lusting over him would land me in retake-land, which I had successfully avoided thus far. I wasn’t looking to join that club during my senior year.
My phone vibrated shortly after I set it down.
Mila :I’m switching majors
Me :I promise this hell is not worth the one hot professor you might get in your final year
Mila :You’re invalidating my feelings. Are you at the library? I hope so. I’m walking past in a few and I need to come say hi if you are. I thought I remembered you having a short break right now
Me :Yes, I’m at the Archway. Text me when you’re here
Mila didn’t take long to make it to the Archway Library, her face makeup-free and her hands tucked in the pockets of her scrubs. She looked good in navy.
“Hi,” I greeted as she stepped up to the table and sat down across from me, slamming down her plastic cup of iced coffee, the ice rattling.
“Remind me why I’m doing this again?” she groaned, her eyes slipping shut. I could sense the cause of her mood before she said another word.
“Because you want to help kids with cancer ring that damn bell.”
A tiny frown tugged on her mouth, her lower lip trembling for a moment before she smiled. “When you actually say that out loud, it helps. Sometimes I get so fucking stressed out and annoyed and caught up in bullshit drama. But it’s really that simple, isn’t it?”
