Page 24 of Drown Like Heaven
I almostwishedfor it.
I almost wished for that merciless fear. Ruining me, breaking me apart,killing me.
Then, at the absolute last second, when my lungs were burning and my brain was trying to take over, it finally happened. My muscles tightened up, squeezing tight andsending zaps of pleasure through every ounce of my blood. It was fuckingeuphoric.
I shot out of the water, gasping for air, moans trailing every breath as my entire body pulsed with heat. My legs were trembling and my heart was beating way too fast in my chest while I tried to catch my breath.
Fuck.
Water dripped off my nose and lips, trickling down my chin. I rubbed my eyes, blinking water away, then pushed my hair back off my face. I was sucking in huge gulps of air, just staring at the ripples in the bathtub in front of me, letting my thoughts calm down.
After a few minutes, I washed myself in the water that was starting to cool, my fingers trembling around the soap bottle, then climbed out and watched the water swirl down the drain while I shivered in my towel, my wet hair dripping all over the floor. I pulled on my pajamas and wrapped my hair up in the towel, then shuffled back into my bedroom and clicked a lamp on.
My wet fingers swiped over my phone screen as I checked my texts from Mila, and responded to her ranting. I didn’t have any early classes tomorrow, but I was working a morning shift, so I needed to get in bed.
I brushed my hair and finished my night routine, tossing my towel over the curtain rod in the bathroom, then turned off all the lights and climbed into bed. My wet hair fanned out on the pillow, haloing my head, and my blankets bundled up around me. The glow of my phone was the only light in the room, illuminating my face.
My teeth scraped over my lower lip as I curled my legs up under the covers. I wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep yet.
A text from one of the people in my Unit Ops lab group appeared at the top of the screen, but I ignored it. Lab didn’tstart for a couple weeks. Thankfully, I had time to get used to the prospect of seeing Dr. Killshaw multiple times a week in close proximity.
For now, I could pretend nothing existed other than myself and my digital world.
?????
I was mindlessly scrolling on my phone, waiting for my shift to end. I wished I’d brought a book or my laptop or something—so I could do anything other than rot my brain with social media. And my phone loaded everything slow as fuck, because it was old as fuck. Time had slowed to a crawl.
The door to the gas station opened and I glanced up at the customer, then stiffened. Without thinking, I shot up from my seat and went straight into the empty back office, then shut the door behind myself.
What the hell was I doing?
He was just a customer, and I couldn’tignorehim.
My pulse was beating strangely hard and fast, making me a little bit shaky.
I slipped back through the door, awkwardly waiting behind the cash register as Dr. Killshaw browsed the aisles of the tiny gas station. Why would he be here, of all places? His wrinkle-free button up and perfect hair didn’t fit in among the shelves of cheap snacks and foggy fridge doors. I tried not to watch the stretch and pull of his defined muscles under his shirt as he browsed.
Deep breath.
He grabbed an energy drink from a fridge, then some bag of chips from the snack aisle. It was so weirdlynormal. I think I’d expected him to buy sophisticated snacks, but no; he was a regular person buying regular gas station food. I forced myself tolook down at the register, so he wouldn’t see me staring at him as he walked up. My cheeks felt warm.
He set his items on the counter then pulled his wallet out of his pocket, not really looking at my face. I wasn’t sure if I should address him or not.
As it turned out, I didn’t need to make that decision—he made it for me.
“Dakota,” he said, a cool smile tipping up the corner of his mouth as he made direct eye contact with me. I had to tilt my head back to hold his gaze. I’d never been so close to him before. My pulse was in my throat. “Nice to see you.”
“Nice to see you too, Dr. Killshaw.”
He nodded as I scanned his items.
“Do you learn everyone’s names that quickly? Or just mine?” I asked before I could stop myself, then busied my hands with shoving his items into a plastic bag. The question wasn’t supposed to come out as accusatory as it had. Now, it sounded like I was insinuating something…simply because he knew my name.
Fuck, I didn’t even ask if he wanted a bag or not. Whatever.
“I try to, yes,” he said. “Don’t expect me to be an expert this early in the semester, though.”
I forced a quick laugh. “Right. Well, when I’m wearing my hard hat you won’t need to remember anything.” My face burned. Why was I still talking? “Because it’ll…just be right there.” I pointed vaguely to my forehead, where the name tag sticker would be on my helmet.
