Page 26 of Drown Like Heaven
Mila :What’s worse than being disliked? Being forgotten. You’re sowing seeds
Me :Seeds of what?
Mila :Memory seeds. When he’s alone in his bed…late at night…you might cross his mind. Even if it’s bad, you’re still there. Which means that eventually he’ll associate you with sex and fucking and marriage and babies. This is basic psychology
I groaned, the sound coming out followed by a reluctant laugh. She was ridiculous and also my absolute favorite person.
Me :That was quite possibly the most gigantic leap I’ve ever seen you make
Mila :It was graceful as fuck, though. Admit it. Ballerina-esque
Me :I need to see you. Classes are already stressing me out
Mila :Ivan is having Katya over tonight, but you’re welcome to join the fun
Ivan was Mila’s cousin, who she lived with. He was a decent guy, and always friendly to me when I came over…which was pretty frequently. Ekaterina—Katya—was his girlfriend.
Me :I’ll text you when I get off
Mila :I’ll be waiting ;)
I dropped my phone to the counter and leaned forward, propping my chin on my palms. My thoughts wandered, latching onto old memories I always had to shove to the back of my head. The encounter with Mason was dredging everything back up, reminding me of all the things I’d never truly dealt with.
But I didn’twantto deal with them.I just wanted to forget them.
Chapter 8
Mason
There was only one way to kill an angel. One singular, essential weakness. A loss of neon.
Elemental neon wasn’t abundant in Earth’s atmosphere, but there was enough to live on. The percentage was low—only about 0.043 percent—though much higher in Heaven, much more easily obtained. Neon lived in stars.
But it had to be breathed in. So, if you could get an angel to stop breathing for a long time, you could kill him. Youwouldkill him. It was the only way.
I tipped my head back under the cold spray coming out of the showerhead, the water running over the lines of my shoulders and back in clear rivulets. Over the massive scars carved into my skin, marking the place my wings anchored to my body. I could conjure them at will, as could any angel—fallen or unfallen. But I rarely chose to.
There wasn’t much reason to do it now. The only other angel I really knew on Earth didn’t speak to me anymore. Not unless he had to.
After I finished washing the soap off my body, I turned the faucet off and grabbed my towel from the hook, rubbing it over my hair before wrapping it around my hips. I stared at myself inthe mirror, bracing my hands on the edges of the sink. The cut on my neck was fully healed, invisible now.
But my mind was still hung up on the girl who’d given it to me.
She wouldn’t leave my fucking brain. She hadn’t for days. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There was something about her that I couldn’t put my finger on.
I knew she’d probably seen the ichor in my blood when she’d cut my throat, but I also knew her thoughts had been a little messed up, a little confused and slow. So maybe she didn’t fully realize or remember what’d happened. Because I’d made her pass out.
I’m so fucked up.
I wanted to throw my fist through the mirror I was standing in front of and watch it shatter into a hundred pieces, hear the sound of all that glass crashing to the floor, feel the pain and blood on my knuckles. It wouldn’t be the first—or even the second—time I’d done it.
But I didn’t.
I flicked off the lights and walked out of the bathroom into my dim apartment. I was full of so much anger, so much fuckingrageall the goddamn time. Those were the only emotions I ever seemed to feel, apart from lust sometimes. Maybe in the past I pretended otherwise, but not now. I could be amused, interested—but neversatisfied.All I had to fall back on was my anger.
It was so hard to stop it, impossible to control it. Especially now that I didn’t havehimto help me work through it. The only person who’d ever cared enough to drag one ofmy kindup from those depths.
Funnily enough, it was entirely my fault that he wasn’t here anymore. So I didn’t really get to complain about that.
