Page 52 of Drown Like Heaven
Panic gripped my chest.
I couldn’t let her become him.
She was going to end up hating me like he hated me.
Don’t think about it.
She won’t leave me. She can’t.
I opened my eyes and shook out my arms, my muscles still aching. I flexed my wings, then turned to look at all the damage I’d just caused, able to appreciate the extent of it more now that I could think straight. The physical fighting, the lingering akrasia, the lack of an anchor, they’d all contributed to that lapse in control a minute ago.
It was only a matter of time before I lost myself to all of this.
Before the fractures spread too far and too deep in my soul, and I couldn’t stop them.
From the moment I was born, my clock was ticking, a countdown always in the back of my head. All Thrausians felt this way to some extent, but I knew I tended to be worse than others. In this and in other things.
I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, tucking my wings close to my body as I typed out a quick message to Dakota, even though I knew it was a bad idea. I’d given her enough space.
Me :Hey. It’s Mason
Then, I shoved the out-of-control feeling to the back of my skull and walked back to my apartment shirtless, my wings replaced with their scars and cool wind scraping over my skin. None of what just happened should’ve happened in the first place, for a vast multitude of reasons. But I couldn’t be bothered with it now.
I simply didn’t care now that it was over.
My apartment wasn’t too far from the abandoned building where I’d found the other angels, and I showered quickly once I got inside, rinsing off any tinges of smoke and sweat. Then I tugged on some underwear and flopped onto my bed on my back. The deep grooves digging from my shoulders to my spine were aching, as they often did whenever I rapidly conjured my wings without planning to.
Which was what’d happened in the middle of my fight.
I’d been trying to cling to the fragile line of sanity, of control, while still spending some excess energy. But I could feel the instant I lost that line, and I flung myself across the room so I wouldn’t hurt anyone when the inevitable happened.
Yes, the only way an angel could fullydiewas by losing all the neon in their body, but that didn’t mean it was pleasant to be torn apart. It’d also make you more easy to kill.
A notification popped up on my screen.
Dakota :I don’t want to talk to you
I squeezed my dick over my pants, picturing her in that shitty trailer. I pulled up the photo I’d taken of her for her contact image, blood rushing to my cock.
I liked how she was looking at me behind the screen instead of the camera. It made her eyes look bigger, reflecting a tiny gleam of moonlight, her pupils wide in the darkness. Her irises looked dark too, but still green.
Mason :I want to talk to you, though
She started typing, then stopped, then started again. Stopped. Started. I was fully hard now and tenting my briefs. I wanted to bring her over to my place, have her here in the bed next to me. Under me. On top of me.
Dakota :No
Mason :Tell me something I don’t know about you and I’ll leave you alone
Dakota :I like strawberries. Bye
I would’ve been irritated by her short response—that I felt avoided the real answers I wanted—but there was something so cute about what she’d said that I let it slide.She likes strawberries.
I wanted to know everything else she liked, everything she didn’t like, everything shepretendednot to like. When I’d told her that her soul had been tormenting mine for years, it wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t that Iknewthe feeling tugging in the back of my head washer, not until a few days after the first time I’d seen her. But now that I knew, I wanted to unravel that thread completely, discover what it was about her that connected to me.
I had a feeling I’d find it in the darkness.
My hand pushed down the waistband of my boxers and I grabbed my cock, lightly stroking my entire length, my body tightening with the thought of her doing this instead. She’d be so perfect in my bed, naked and soft, afraid of herself, afraid of me.
