Page 64 of Drown Like Heaven
I flipped him off as I walked past him out of the room.
?????
The drive to the beach didn’t take long. I wasn’t sure how to feel now that my favorite private spot had turned into a place where Mason and I were spending so much time together. Parts of me liked it. All the memories where we’d toed the line of safety, of sanity, gave this place teeth. Sharp teeth, like the ones I collected in a jar at my bedside.
I wanted to collect these teeth too. See if they’d be sharp enough to cut me for real.
We left all our stuff in the car when we arrived, only bringing two towels with us down the cliffside, then folding them on a rock away from the tide. I was aware I was making a terrible, unsafe decision by coming here with him.
But I needed to feel something.
Feelwanted, even if that want was paired with storm-like obsession.
The water lapped at our ankles, and then rose steadily as we waded further into the ocean. Mason kept my hand firmly interlocked with his own. Even the wind and cold water couldn’t touch me with him here. I didn’t know how it was natural for someone to produce that much heat, but I liked it.
“Are you always this warm?” I asked, sucking in my stomach while the water rose over my hips.
“Yeah. You like it?”
“It’s useful.” That was all he was going to get from me.Useful.
We’d passed the place where the waves were breaking, but the temperature of the water still felt manageable, as long as Istayed close to Mason. I had to press up on my tiptoes as we went even deeper.
“I can’t really touch here,” I said, head tilted back.
“Come to me, I’ll hold you,” Mason instructed, pulling me to his body.
He pressed his mouth to mine, cupping my face with his palm while I wrapped my legs around his torso. God, he was sowarm. It felt really good on my skin. He kissed me a little harder, his large hands gripping my ass, fingers sliding under my bikini. I twisted my arms behind his neck, holding him close, gliding my tongue along his.
“I need something true,” he said, breathing hard, breaking our kiss.
Somehow, I knew what he was going to ask.Do you still want me to force you?I didn’t want him to say the words, so I answered first. That way, I might be able to pretend I wasn’t actually agreeing to this.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I chose to come out here with you.”
His brown eyes flashed to mine, the look in his gaze hitting me like a punch to the gut. He didn’t ask me any clarifying questions, didn’t ask for any limits. If I wanted those, I’d have to tell him myself.
The fantasy felt so real like this. I knew he would let mefight, but never let mego.
Maybe itwasreal. I didn’t know what he’d do.
Maybe I should’ve never given him permission.
Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t, and it was too late now, and I didn’t even reallywantto take the words back, but—
“I’m going to hold my breath for three minutes,” he said. “Count. I’ll only come up once you say it’s been three minutes.”
“Is that safe?”
“I could easily do triple that amount. I didn’t want you to worry, so I chose a shorter time.” He squeezed my ass, making my stomach flutter. “Unless you just want to make out with me.”
“I don’t know,” I murmured with my mouth near his ear. “You’re being kinda nice to me now.”
“Do you like it when I’m nice?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you like it when I’m mean?”
