Page 87 of Drown Like Heaven
“How did I act on the first day that made you believe the second one was so unusual?” He tilted his head, his scent thickening in the room, making my mind muddled.
My chest was rising and falling fast, my muscles trembling, my stomach hurting from lack of food, my vision spotty. The same cramps from earlier were digging into my back.
“Well, you were looking at me. Like you—I don’t know.”
“Like I what?”
“I don’t know.”Like you wanted to figure out the inside of my head, and take my clothes off while you were at it.
“I wanted to offer you a part time position as a student worker for my research,” he explained.
I blinked. “What? How was I supposed to know that?”
“You weren’t. But I didn’t think you’d be making other, completely unfounded assumptions about me when Ilookedat you.”
It was such a specifically cruel way of putting words in my mouth, masked by a professional tone. It was as if he wastryingto make me feel dumb and naive.
“Were you thinking about your research in the elevator too?” I asked, words cutting.
“You think I waslookingat you then, too?”
“Iknowyou were.” I knew I was pushing lines now, making a complete fool of myself, but I couldn’t stop. He’d broken some dam and I couldn’t keep any of my messy thoughts inside. I threw all my vulnerability at him like knives, already slick with my own blood.
“Looking at you…and what?”
“Like you wanted something from me.” The words were out now, and I could never take them back. I was skinning myself alive in his office, exposing all my secret thoughts against my own will.Weak. “And if you want it, I’ll g—”
“Get out of my office.”
The sheer darkness in his voice stole my breath.
“Or what?” I pushed.
“You know I could get you expelled.”
His words hit me like a slap in the face, my mouth dropping open and my cheeks burning. I took a fearful step backwards as he rose to his full height, towering over me.
“Were you or were you not about to proposition me for sex?” He stepped around his desk, slowly prowling towards me. My stomach turned. His hands were casually shoved in his pockets, but his stance was the farthest thing from casual. It was misleading. I was practically choking on the scent coming off him now.
“I—”
“If I wanted you, you’d know,” he bit out, still approaching. “If I wanted tofuck you in my office, you think I might’ve invited you to stay when I was actually going to be in here.”
My heart was beating so hard I felt sick.
Regret made me lightheaded.
It struck me in that moment just how severe the imbalance was between us.
He could say anything he wanted to me, and all I could do was take it.
I’m so stupid.
I’m always so fucking stupid.
I was starting to hyperventilate, still walking backwards, nausea rising in my throat. My back bumped into the door and I startled at the feel of it, so solid behind me.
I need to leave. I need to get out of here right now. I can’t be here another a second or I’m going to suffocate.
