Page 96 of Drown Like Heaven
The visual I imagined was almost like a painting, an artistic rendering of my sickest desire materializing in my brain in strokes of paint: his gun pressed to my temple, his forearm locked around my shoulders.
Cold metal and the lines of his shoulders, his biceps. The most fear I’d ever feel in my entire life. My heart beating harder than it’d ever beat before, hard enough that it’d hurt. His finger tightening on the trigger, making me think he was going to do it—going tokill me.
Maybe he’d kill me for real.
I would have no way of knowing what he was going to do.
My whole life would belong to him, his index finger a hairsbreadth away from pulling the trigger, his strength holding me immobile.
Mason leaned down, whispering in my ear, “What are you thinking about right now?”
“Nothing,” I choked out.
“Liar. Tell me.” He roughly spun me by my shoulders, grabbing my face in his hands, thumbs brushing over my lips. My thighs squeezed together, a wave of heat spreading through my core. “Spill your dirty secrets.”
He already had too many of my secrets. More than anyone else, and I didn’t know how that happened.
It scared me.Hescared me.
But I think I like that. I think I want to be whatever he wants me to be.
“No.”
“Whatever it is, I want to know. I want to picture it with you. I want todo it to you.”
I wanted to turn away from him, twist myself out of his grasp, try to run, toescape. Just to see what he’d do. If he’d tackle me to the ground again like he did earlier; if he’d hold me down and make me regret it. God, ithurt, landing on the floor like that, and he didn’t give me any space to recover. It probably also hurt his hand when I swiped my knife towards him.
Is that all we know how to do? Hurt each other?
“You can’t do it to me.”
“Yes I can.Fuck. You’re tearing me up inside.” He lowered his mouth, pressing his lips to mine with a gentleness that didn’t match the tone of his voice. I allowed my eyes to slide shut, my mouth opening for him. I wished I had the strength to resist him now, to punish him as he’d punished me. “I need you, Dakota.”
Lies.He was lying to me about this, just like how he lied about everything else.
But I didn’t care, because I needed to hear it. I needed to pretend someone was taking care of me, or else everything Dr. Killshaw said about me was true.
“No you don’t,” I murmured, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“You have no idea.”
I bit his lip, hard, hoping to make him bleed.If you needed me, you wouldn’t have left me.
Mason jerked back, breathing hard, a sinful glint in his brown eyes.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding, looking satisfied. “Yeah. I’m gonna fuck you tonight. Let’s go.”
He grabbed my hand and yanked me out of the bathroom, making butterflies swarm my stomach. His response to me biting him had shocked me a bit, thrilled me.
I’m gonna fuck you tonight.
I pressed the sleeve of my sweatshirt over my mouth while Mason lead me out of the trailer because I couldn’t stop smiling for some reason, giddiness expanding like a balloon in my chest. He took my keys and tote bag, locking the door behind us. I almost tripped over my feet going down the steps, laughter rising in me and breaking free of my lips in the moonlight.
Mason’s head whipped back to look at me.
“Don’t look at me,” I grumbled, hiding my face, my smile fading.
“You’re smiling. You’relaughing,” he said, almost in disbelief.
