Page 227 of Drown Like Heaven
Just not yet.
Because as much as I’d hated watching those videos, I’d needed it. Whenever I started to hate myself too much, wonder how stupid I could’ve been to ever want Anthony, wonder why on Earth I’d been so attached to him, why I’d begged him not to leave me, why I never told anyone, I needed a reminder thathe used to be good.
My attachment hadn’t grown from nothing. I’d loved him because he wasmy brotherand he’d taken care of me as well as he could, redirecting our father’s anger away from me, taking me to the beach, collecting shark teeth with me. Making silly faces on video just to amuse me. Of course I would’ve loved someone like that.
Of course I wouldn’t have wanted them to leave me. Even when they hurt me.
I ignored the flash drive for now and went into my bedroom, going to the window to shut the blinds. Through theglass, I caught another glimpse of the edge of the forest, the impenetrable darkness, and the two golden eyes were there again, glowing,staringat me.
Shaking, I slammed the blinds shut.
Chapter 62
Mason
“Don’t be mad at her, Micah,” I snarled, staring at him down the upstairs hallway. Shadows drifted through the house, bathing everything in darkness and quietness. He was better at hiding his bad moods than I was, but he’d been a stormcloud the entire day. I didn’t want to watch him like that, watch him holding a grudge against a girl who’d done nothing except get herself accidentally trapped in my orbit.Well…
“I am fucking mad at her—”
“Be mad at me, instead,” I cut him off, anger tightening my grip on the door frame to Micah’s guest bedroom—my room, for now. My palm pressed into the wooden trim, indentations carving into my skin.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m mad at you, too.” He pointed his finger at me. “Both of you.”
“How long is that going to last?”
“Until Aamon’s dead and I can get rid ofyoufor good, then get her to myself,” he answered, solidifying all my fears. Maybe parts of me had hoped he’d want to get rid ofbothof us, then Dakota and I could be together away from him, but he didn’t want that. He’d keep her and kill me in the process.
“And what is that timeframe, Micah? What if I don’t?”
“I already told you what happens if you don’t.”I’ll push you over that edge so fucking fast…
“If you do that, you’re defenseless. Aamon will kill you without me in the way,” I reasoned, releasing my hold on the door frame and stepping into the hall, towards him. “What are you going to do without my protection?”
“You’re not the only Thrausian on Earth,” Micah said, the words jamming into my chest like ice, dripping down and sizzling against the fire in my stomach. The muscles of my shoulders tightened, flexed, warmth searing the outlines of my scars. “Don’t you think any other Thrausian would die to get a taste of my unbreakable control the same way you did? They probably don’t even know it’s possible, what can happen when a Sigeian is willing to be an anchor for their instability.”
He was stripping away pieces of my soul with all the shit he was saying.
“Do it, then. Get another one and let me fucking go.”With her.
“Why would I do that,” he took a step towards me, “when you’re so fun to fuck with?”
“Is that how miserable your life has become?” I questioned, also moving closer to him, the darkness magnifying in my periphery, becoming something insurmountable. He was the only real thing in this midnight void. “You have to resort to torturing someoneyouleft to die? You’re that bored?”
Something about my tone flipped a switch in him. “Donotblame me for what happened with us.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Micah,” I said and gritted my teeth. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to react when you’ve convinced yourself I’m the root cause of every problem in your life—when you act like Iforcedyou to make the decisions you made. I didn’t do any of that.”
“Andyouact like I’m some supervillain with no justification for my—”
“Why didn’t you let me talk to you?” I asked, interrupting him. I didn’t need to clarify my question for Micah to know what I meant.The end.When Micah had left me, he’dleftme. He’d cut himself out of my life in the blink of an eye, and hadn’t spoken to me again, not giving me a chance of getting any closure. Everything I’d ever cared about, gone. Just like that.
“It doesn’t matter,” he muttered.
We were standing too close now, too close for people that hated each other the way we did, and I wasn’t sure when that’d happened. Who’d moved.
Wind blew outside the house, creaking against windowpanes, whistling over the roof. I still remembered how cold the wind had felt on that day—the day Micah when made what he likely considered to be the biggest mistake of his life. Cold and violent and brutal, ripping over my bare skin.
“You don’t get to say it doesn’t matter, because I deserve toknow.” I stared at his face, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes drifted to the side, seeing something in his memories, some part of our tangled past.
