Page 84 of Drown Like Heaven
Class wasn’t over for another thirty minutes, but I couldn’t sit here knowing I was actively bleeding into my underwear. I gathered my belongings, then stood and silently made my way across the row to the side aisle, slipping down the wide steps by the wall as pain throbbed low in my stomach.
Dr. Killshaw’s eyes flickered over to me for an instant.
Pushing out the door, I took a steadying breath. There was a nice bathroom just around the corner, and it was empty when I went inside, heading straight into a stall.
I yanked my jeans down, my underwear stretched on my thighs, as I sat on the toilet. There was an undeniable red splotch staining the cotton gusset of my underwear. I gritted my teeth, the cramp spreading in my abdomen, twisting around my spine.
I didn’t have a change of underwear, but thankfully the blood hadn’t seeped through the outside much, and wasn’t on my jeans. Trying to remain unbothered, I pulled out the little zippered pouch I kept in my bag and unwrapped a pantyliner, cringing as I stuck it on the fabric over the stain.Just, whatever. What-fucking-ever.
It was my own fault for not putting anything in my underwear this morning, despite starting the row of sugar pills in my pack of birth control. But my periodneverstarted on the first day of those, so I hadn’t thought about it.
I put a tampon in, then threw all my wrappers away and packed everything up before leaving the stall, washing my hands. There wasn’t enough time for me to go home in between now and my next class, despite how badly I wanted to. Since I was already on campus, I was somewhat determined to stick it out.
Even if my body was trying to kill me.
I dragged myself up to the sixth floor, finding it more busy than the last time I’d been here. Students sat in groups, working on projects or studying together. A few people were alone, headphones on, laptops open.
The armchair in the corner I’d been sitting in the night Dr. Killshaw found me up here was vacant, as were the seats around it, so there was a reasonable amount of privacy. I sat in the chair, looking out the window at the clouds hanging low over campus, the students pouring out of the buildings during the class change after a little while.
I leaned my head on the backrest of the chair, softly closing my eyes in an attempt to soothe the headache steadily wrapping tighter around my skull. It would be nice if I had some ibuprofen with me, but I didn’t.
“Hey,” a low voice said, making me jump a bit. I tilted my head, cracked my eyes open. Dr. Killshaw was standing right next to me.I guess class ended.“What’s going on?”
My entire life is just a wreck and I keep making it worse.
And I got my period.
I also have no idea why you’re talking to me now.
“I’m having a horrible fucking day,” I snapped, almost surprising myself with the venom in my tone. But I couldn’t make myself regret it, even if it was an inappropriate show of emotion to have in front of my professor.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
What a bullshit response.I just shrugged, keeping my arms crossed.
“I saw you leave class early,” he commented. So hedidnotice me. “I didn’t think you’d still be here.”
“Well I have another class soon and I don’t have time to go home.” I looked away from him, checking if there was anyone watching this conversation. But there still wasn’t anyone nearby. Maybe he only recognized my presence when there weren’t other people around.
I was asecret.
“I’ve got a couch in my office. I won’t be in there, but you’re welcome to lay down for an hour or so.”
The telltale sting of tears sprung up in my eyes as they snapped back to meet his. My emotions were all over the place, and his offer shocked me.
“What?”
“If you need some time to yourself, you can stay in there.”
“I didn’t even know you had an office here.”
“On the other side of the elevators.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, as in sure?” he questioned, his expression serious.
I was too exhausted and in too much pain to tell him no at this point. The idea of laying down by myself in a quiet, dark room was so relieving that my eyes already felt heavy. I needed that hour away from everything stressing me out.
