Page 41 of Holly Jolly Heat
"Go away, Maya."
"Not Maya," Ro's voice. "Can I come in?"
I should have said no. Should have maintained boundaries, kept distance, protected myself.
"Yeah, come in."
He entered, closing the door behind him, and leaned against it. He'd taken off his baseball cap, and his dark hair was slightly messed up. He looked good, too good for my mental state.
"You ran again," he observed.
"I retreated strategically."
"You fled because Lucas touched your hand and you felt something."
"I fled because chat was speculating about pack dynamics and it's complicated and I need time?—"
"I know," he said gently. "I'm not criticizing. I'm checking in."
I sat on the bed, laptop forgotten beside me. "This is hard, Ro. Being professional while feeling... what I'm feeling. Watching you all fit into my family like you belong here. Seeing the stream numbers and knowing viewers are already shipping us and wondering what happens when word gets out."
"So talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling."
"I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling like my carefully controlled life is spiraling. I'm feeling like this morning with you on the mountain was perfect and terrifying and I almost let you kiss me and I still don't know if that would have been a mistake."
"Would it have been?"
"I don't know!" I stood, pacing. "That's the problem. I don't know if this is real or just biology. I don't know if we're compatible beyond pheromones. I don't know if I can balance pack and career. I don't know anything except that I'm scared and confused and I really, really wanted you to kiss me on that mountain."
Ro's expression softened. "Michelle?—"
"And downstairs just now, with Lucas, decorating cookies? That felt right. It felt like pack. Like home. And that terrifies me because what if I let myself have this and then it falls apart?What if I lose my business trying to make this work? What if I lose myself in pack dynamics?"
"You won't."
"You don't know that."
"I know you." He moved closer, slowly, giving me space to retreat. "I've watched you for six months. I've seen how you work, how you think, how you protect the things that matter to you. You're not going to lose yourself, Michelle. You're too stubborn."
Despite everything, I laughed. "That's not romantic."
"It's honest. You're stubborn and driven and fiercely independent. Pack isn't going to change that. It's going to support it."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because we don't want to change you. We want to be part of your life as it already exists. We want to support your career, not undermine it. We want to catch you when you stumble, not keep you from walking. Besides, did it change Callie?"
He had me there. I sank back onto the bed. Instead of answering his question I told him, "You keep saying the exact right things."
"I'm observant. It's my job." He sat beside me, close but not touching, respecting my space. "Michelle, what happened downstairs? The hand touch, the moment? That was real. The viewers saw chemistry because thereischemistry. You can't fake that kind of connection."
"That's what I'm afraid of. If viewers can see it, clients can see it, competitors can see it. My whole professional reputation is built on being objective and unbiased. If people think I'm using pack bonds to keep you exclusive?—"
"Then we show them the truth. That you're brilliant at your job, pack bond or not. That we chose you as manager because you're the best, not because of the bond. That the bond is anaddition to our professional relationship, not the foundation of it."
"That's a nice story. I'm not sure the industry will believe it."
"Then we make them believe it. Together." He reached out, stopping just short of touching my hand. "Can I?"
