Page 14 of Mr. On Your Knees
Her heart thumped and her fingers closed into fists at her sides. The air around them felt different. The space seemed smaller.
“I never meant to hurt you,” his voice broke through the silence, cutting right past that lump of hurt that had been lodged in her chest since their conversation at lunch. “I loved you.”
She gasped at the weight those words seemed to lift from her mind. It was silly because he’d said those same words to her that last day they spoke. The day he’d come home just as she was leaving his apartment. She’d taken every picture, lamp, blanket, even the Ricky and Lucy mugs she’d bought for them, everything she’d brought into his apartment, she’d taken out when she’d left. He hadn’t asked her to stay when he stood in the living room looking around. Hadn’t apologized again or tried to get her to understand. He’d simply stood there by the window with the waning sunlight peeking through the window blinds behind him. When he’d finally spoken she’d had her hand on the doorknob and those words had been so quiet she thought she’d imagined them.
But she hadn’t imagined them just now.
“I loved you, too,” she admitted. “More than you will ever know.”
She didn’t look at him, couldn’t. And she was certain he was still staring at the canvas as well.
“I knew, Desi.” His voice was thick with emotion that seemed to radiate from him and reach out to encompass her. She wanted to gasp with the rush of it, the warmth and comfort that it pulled her into. “I knew and I was deathly afraid that I couldn’t hold on to that love. That I didn’t deserve it.”
Her eyes closed because she wanted this to stop. This onslaught of emotion, the conflict of hating him and still loving him desperately. The fear that she was just as big a fool as her mother, that even standing here was the mark of an idiot setting herself up to be hurt, again. The desire to forgive, forget and move on was strong. It was pulling on all the strings of her resistance, begging her to just say it was done and that she was over it.
“I believed you,” she let out on a whoosh of breath, admitting something that she’d tried to deny all these years.
“What?”
Opening her eyes slowly she gathered the nerve to turn her body until it faced his. He was still standing with one hand in his pocket, but he’d turned his face to look at her.
“Deep down, I believed that you never touched a woman in that club,” she said and then closed her lips tight, blinking away the tears that stung her eyes. “I just…I just couldn’t stay until the next time. I couldn’t trust that it was still just me and you. Not anymore,” she said shaking her head. “Not anymore.”
He moved so fast she barely had time to blink. His free hand came around to clasp the back of her neck, yanking her to him, while the hand he pulled from his pocket snaked around her waist to hold her tightly. “Always, Desi,” he whispered the words as he brought his face down to hers. “It will always be just me and you.”
Then his lips were on hers. As if she’d been waiting for this moment all her life, her lips parted for his and he sucked her tongue into his mouth. Her eyes fluttered closed and he pulled back just enough to suck her bottom lip and then the top one before diving back into her mouth again. He was devouring her with this kiss, lavishing her mouth with all the fierce emotion now whipping around them. The disappointment, the anger, the hurt, the longing…the love.
Chapter7
The Planning
JARED
Rubbing a finger over his bottom lip Jared thought about Desi.
For the billionth time in the last two weeks, he sat in his office thinking about her. He’d thought about her when he was home, when he was trying to sleep, when he showered in the morning and his dick got hard, when he worked out at the gym, when he sat in long ass meetings struggling to focus on the business at hand. He was always thinking about Desi.
That kiss had done it for him. If he hadn’t already decided that he wanted her back, the moment his lips had touched hers again, it would’ve been an inevitable conclusion. It wasn’t just about want at this point. Heneededher back.
And not just in his bed. Even though his body had been reacting to this turn of events via daily hard-ons that amounted to him being hornier than he’d ever recalled, his mind was just as excited to have her back in his life. The weekly planning sessions on Zoom that he, Mari, a few other staff members in Mari’s department and Desi—because she was the only vendor who needed to be kept abreast of any changes to the layout of the event—had, given him a chance to see her in a slightly different light. Sure, she’d been working in the same capacity at that event planning company when they were together and she’d come home talking about the job on occasions. On his weekends off, he’d even helped her at a couple of the events. So, he knew she was obsessive about all the details one production required. He’d heard her stellar negotiation skills when she’d been on the phone with her suppliers. Had watched her get dressed in the professional black suits she always wore to an event, whether it be pants or skirts and had admired her desire to be acknowledged for the dedication she had to her job—and not just applauded because she was a woman taking charge of her career. But seeing her these past two weeks on that screen giving reports on her design plans, discussing invoices that she’d submitted to Mari for approval and laughing had made him admire her even more. Yeah, she laughed a lot on those calls which was odd for Jared since they were business calls. But Desi had a quick wit and sometimes a pretty slick mouth. It seemed to pair well with Mari’s executive assistant, Aaron’s jokes.
On that first call, two days after their kiss, the planning call had run thirty minutes over, dipping into everyone’s lunch time. Aaron had joked about his stomach joining the conversation and Desi had let out a loud laugh, saying she’d thought that was her stomach growling. Her laughter was infectious and Mari cracked a smile next, noting that they needed to wrap things up before she started getting lightheaded.
“You need to discuss anything else, Jared?” Mari had asked while shaking her head and still grinning.
But he hadn’t responded immediately. He’d been too busy staring at Desi’s pretty face in that small square on the screen. She’d worn a black blouse with red roses on it, the top button low enough that he could just see the beginning of the seam between her breasts. Her high cheekbones had gone even higher as she chuckled, long lashes fanning her eyes. Her make-up was flawless as usual but he had a vivid memory of how pretty she still was with a bare face.
“Jared?” Mari raised her voice slightly.
“Maybe his connection failed,” Aaron said. “He looks like he might be frozen.”
Jared cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his beard. “I’m not frozen. And no, I don’t have anything else to add this week. Good job, team.” He had to force himself to look somewhere else on his screen.
At Mari’s questioning glare, or Aaron’s cheerful nod. Anywhere else would be better than continuing to endure that feeling he’d gotten while watching her—the feeling like he was falling, fast and deep with her just as he had before. Because although he could admit that he wanted Desi back, the one thing he was determined to have this time around was control. Three years ago, he’d been ruled by fear and insecurities, but this time around he was clear on what he needed, what he could give Desi and what he deserved.
Now, scrubbing a hand down his face, he turned in his desk chair and sat up to focus on his computer again. The red-lined contracts for that international conference had come through and Mari wanted to meet with him tomorrow so they could go over them. He needed to read them and get his notes together.
Throwing himself into that task, he began staring at the screen and reading. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there going through the lengthy document, but when he came to a part that he definitely wasn’t in agreement with, he immediately picked up his phone. After dialing the familiar extension, he put the phone to his ear and waited while it rang.
