Page 28 of Leave It to Us
“I don’t want you to rush into that decision, baby. Besides, it’s not your decision alone. Your sisters have a say in what happens, and right now at least, Tami is dead set against selling.”
She sighed. “Yvonne wants to sell. She doesn’t want to be here any more than I do. Tami’s just dreamy-eyed about this place like she is about everything else. And she can’t even afford to live here now that she’s unemployed again. So she might as well jump on the selling bandwagon too, so she won’t starve to death.”
It sounded harsh, she knew, but Tami worked her nerves almost as much as Isaac did. Why couldn’t the two of them get their shit together? They weren’t kids anymore; they didn’t have the luxury of just doing whatever they wanted when what they wanted to do wasn’t taking care of them financially.
“Look, I don’t want to argue. I just called to check on you, to make sure you were doing okay. I don’t want you to worry about this anymore, baby. I got it,” he said. “Trust me. This time I got it.”
She wanted to. Damn, she wanted to trust the man she still loved with all her heart, but he’d let her down with his gambling so many times in the past. Not because he didn’t treat her right, because Isaac never forgot her birthday or any of their anniversaries—first date, first kiss, first time having sex, getting engaged—he remembered them all, and he gave the best gifts. Christmas in their house looked like they already had children, with all the presents that were always beneath their tree, the bulk of them being from him to her.
And he’d had no problems with his full paycheck going into their joint checking account. She knew exactly how much money he made and when to expect it. Unfortunately, that meant she also saw the times when he managed to get money out of the account before she could wake up and pay bills on his payday. Not so much that they werestruggling, but enough that it got him into trouble at the poker table time and time again.
“I want to,” she said quietly. “I really do.”
“Then do it,” he said, his tone urgent. “Trust me to handle my own mistake this time.”
“And then what?” she asked, hating that the question had been burning like an iron fist in the center of her chest. “What happens after this time, Isaac? We can’t keep taking out mortgages on our condo, and I can’t hope for another inheritance to save the day. How do we keep our life together if you keep doing this?”
He was quiet again for quite some time, but she could hear his breathing, so she didn’t disconnect the call and didn’t speak. He was thinking of what he wanted to say, and she was thinking of how she would react to whatever it was he did say.
“I want to keep our life together,” he replied finally. “It’s all I want right now, Lana. Just you and me. That’s all I want to focus on.”
“Then the gambling has to stop,” she said without hesitation. “You need to get some help—because I don’t know, Isaac.”
“What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?”
“I don’t know how to keep doing this with you,” she said, hating this admission. She seemed to be saying all the hard things today, and that knowledge made her stomach churn. “I can’t keep doing this with you.”
The declaration fell like a lead weight over the line. Her fingers trembled as she held the phone to her ear. She couldn’t take back her words, and she didn’t really know if she wanted to. It was a thought that had been circling in her mind for months, possibly the last year. Definitely since the last time she’d found out he had a huge gambling debt. But it was just another thing she’d told herself not to say, as if somehow, if she remained silent, it would go away. The logical part of her mind knew that wasn’t true.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered, so softly she barely heard him above the sound of another bird screeching in the distance. “Don’t say what it sounds like you’re saying.”
His words tore at her heart, pulled her lids down until she was standing with eyes closed and heart pounding.
“I’m saying there has to be a change, Isaac.” And so much more. They both knew she was saying more, but for the life of her, she couldn’t bring herself to actually mutter those other words. Opening her eyes again, she whispered, “I’ve always believed in you—”
“Then keep believing in me,” he said hurriedly. “Don’t give up on me now. Please, baby. Don’t give up on us.”
The desperation in his voice pierced straight through her chest like a dagger, and she gasped. She wasn’t giving up on them—at least, she didn’t think that was what she was doing. She prayed that she was drawing a line, stating her position and giving him the chance to decide which direction he would take with that knowledge.
“I’m trying desperately to save us,” she told him. “I need you to come with the same effort.”
“I hear you,” he said. “I hear everything you’re saying—and I’ve got it, Lana. I can do this. I promise you, Iwilldo this.”
“Okay,” was all she could say next. Of course there were more words, more talking they needed to do to really be in a position to get past this thing that had become a giant hurdle between them, but she couldn’t speak them right now. While her mind might’ve been screaming that she could, her heart was whimpering, just like Isaac, “Please don’t.” So she didn’t. “I’ve gotta get back to the house.” She cleared her throat. “Yvonne wants us all to meet to talk about our next steps in detail before we go to this dinner gathering.”
“Oh. You’re all going out together?” His tone shifted just barely from that desperate plea to hopefulness.
She touched her free hand to her camera, letting its familiar knobs and grooves comfort her. “Yeah, there’s a lady in town that I guess knew Grandma Betty. She told Jeremiah to invite us.”
“Jeremiah? That’s the young lawyer you said your grandmother hired.”
She nodded but then realized he couldn’t see her. “Yes. You should see him—he’s probably in his late twenties, early thirties at the most. I’m gonna ask Yvonne because I’m sure she’s looked him up. He’s too busy flirting with Tami, and you know she’s snapping up every ounce of attention being tossed her way.”
“You sound like that’s a bad thing,” Isaac said.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Seems fast, and you know how Tami is—she’s so impulsive. The last thing she needs is some summer fling to add to all the other drama in her life.”
“Well, you should let that be her call,” he continued. “You know you don’t like people telling you what to do with your life, so be careful about doing the same to others.”
