Page 115 of Seeds of Christmas
Same string lights wrapped around the porch railing. Same bass thumping through the walls. Same crowd of people spilling out onto the front lawn, even though it’s freezing.
Two years ago, Dominic was alive. He was inside, probably holding court in the kitchen, telling some story that hadeveryone laughing. And I was out here, drunk and stupid, making out with some girl whose name I forgot by morning.
This year, I’m sober. I’m holding Rhi’s hand. And Dominic is gone.
“You okay?” Rhi asks, squeezing my fingers.
“Yeah.” I take a breath. “Just... weird being back here.”
“We don’t have to stay long. We can do the countdown and leave.”
“No, I want to be here.” And I mean it. “I’ve been avoiding this place for too long.”
She leans into me, and I feel her warmth even through our winter coats. “Okay. But if you need to leave, we leave. No questions.”
That’s what she’s been doing for the past two days since our fight. Checking in. Asking what I need. Being present without hovering. It’s such a small thing, but it makes all the difference.
We head inside.
The house is packed—brothers, girlfriends, random people I vaguely recognize from campus. The air smells like cheap beer and cologne and that specific Alpha Phi scent that’s probably built into the walls at this point.
Jake spots us immediately and pushes through the crowd. “You made it! I didn’t think you’d actually come.”
“Yeah, well. Someone told me I should stop hiding.”
He grins. “Smart someone.” Then he sees Rhi and his grin widens. “Hey! Glad you came too. Carter’s been way less mopey since you got your shit together.”
“Jake,” I warn.
“What? I’m complimenting both of you.” He throws an arm around my shoulder. “Come on. Everyone’s in the back.”
We follow him through the crowd, past the living room where someone’s already spilled something on the carpet, past the kitchen where a drinking game is in full swing, out to the backdeck where the smokers and the people who actually want to talk hang out.
There are maybe fifteen guys out here, most of them brothers I’ve known since freshman year. Marcus, who was Dominic’s little, is leaning against the railing. Tyler and Connor are arguing about something sports-related. A few others I recognize but don’t know well.
When they see me, the conversation stutters.
“Carter,” Marcus says, and there’s that tone. The careful one. The one that means they’re not sure what to say.
“Hey.” I keep my voice normal. “What’s up?”
“Not much. Just—you know. New Year’s.”
An awkward silence settles over the group.
This is what I’ve been avoiding. This moment where no one knows how to act around me. Where my presence makes everyone uncomfortable because they’re thinking about Dominic, but don’t want to say his name.
Rhi’s hand finds mine again, grounding me.
“So,” Tyler says, clearly trying to fill the silence. “You coming back to the house next semester? We’ve got that empty room on the second floor.”
“Maybe,” I say. “I’ve been thinking about it.”
“You should, man. It’s not the same without you.”
Another silence. This one longer.
They’re all avoiding it. It’s not the same without Dominic either.
