Page 33 of Seeds of Christmas
“It’s very important! Food compatibility is crucial for successful fieldwork. Last thing we need is condiment-based conflict.” He’s grinning at me. “Come on, give it to me straight. Are you a ketchup purist?”
“I... I’ve never thought about it.”
“Well, you should. It’s very telling.” He’s grinning now, clearly enjoying himself. “Okay, rapid-fire. Pineapple on pizza—yes or no?”
“I don’t?—”
“No time for contemplation. Gut instinct only.”
“Fine! yes. Pineapple on pizza is good.”
His eyes widen in what I can only describe as delighted horror. “Oh no. Oh, Rhi. We need to have a serious conversation about your life choices.”
“Youasked!”
“I asked because I needed to know the depths of your depravity.” But he’s laughing, and god, his laugh is unfairly good. All genuine and surprised, like he didn’t expect to be having this much fun. “Okay, okay. I can work with this. We’ll get through it together. Maybe some therapy. Possibly an intervention.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I’m CONCERNED. For you. For your taste buds.” He leans forward, mock-serious. “Next question, and this is the big one—cereal milk. Drink it or leave it?”
“Is this a real question?”
“It’sthequestion, Rhi. This is how I know who you truly are as a person.”
I consider throwing a pillow at him. Instead, I play along. “I drink it.”
“THANK GOD.” He flops back on the bed dramatically. “Okay, you’re redeemed. The pineapple thing was concerning, but cereal milk drinking is a sign of good character.”
“I’m so glad I have your approval.”
“You should be. I have very high standards.” He rolls onto his side to look at me. “Alright, one more. This is the real test. Are you a folder or a scruncher?”
My face goes hot. “I am NOT answering that!”
“See, that’s a scrunch answer!” He points at me triumphantly. “Folders always answer immediately. They’re very confident about their choices. Scrunchers get defensive.”
“I’m not defensive! I just think it’s a weird question!”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable question about fundamental personality differences.” He’s trying so hard not to laugh. “I bet you fold, actually. You have very organized folder energy.”
“I don’t have folder energy!”
“You absolutely do. You probably have a specific folding technique. You’ve thought about optimal ply thickness. You have OPINIONS.”
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. “Oh my god, stop.”
“I will not stop. This is important research.” He sits up, trying to look serious but completely failing. “For the record, I’m a scruncher. Just so you know. In case that affects your opinion of me.”
“It doesn’t affect my opinion of you at all.”
“Liar. You’re judging me right now.”
“I’m judging you for asking about toilet paper preferences in the first five hours of knowing someone!”
“Four hours,” he corrects. “And I’d argue this is exactly when you SHOULD ask. Get the hard questions out of the way early.”
He’s laughing now. “Ok, truth time. Are you secretly relieved Professor Bam bailed, or are you devastated you’re stuck with me instead?”
