Page 101 of The Earl Takes All
“The Duke of Lovingdon told me that he had approached you about working on a bill with him.”
“Yes. He thought as a new father I would have a keener empathy toward the plight of the poor and a newfound understanding of how children needed to be protected.”
“You will do good things and everyone will credit Albert.”
While he appreciated that it bothered her, that she wanted more for him than he rightfully deserved, he was not willing to pay the price that came with any recognition he might receive in his name. He sighed. “As long as good things are done, what does it matter who gets the credit?”
“That’s exactly why I love you and why I want them to know the man you are. What you do is your legacy, not Albert’s.”
“The only legacy I care about is having a life with you.”
With an almost frantic nature to her movements, she shook her head. “It’s not fair to Albert either. Don’t you see? He will never have a funeral or a memorial service or even his own obituary. He will never be mourned.”
“He will when I die.”
“The man they mourn will be your version of Albert. It won’t be him. His life, his legacy, came to an end last year. All that he accomplished until then will be lost in the life that you lead for him.”
“Julia, you’re not thinking clearly.”
She placed a cool hand against his cheek, and a coldness settled in his chest. “I’m thinking more clearly than I have since I discovered the truth regarding who you are. Allie will never know her true father, what he was like. Because of our selfish desires.”
Shoving himself away from her, pacing four steps one way, four the other, he plowed his hands through his hair before halting to face her. “It is not selfish to want something.”
“It is selfish if gaining it hurts others. We’re stealing her father from her, stealing his daughter from him.”
“When she is a young woman, we can tell her, explain things.”
“We have no idea how she will react, what harm we might inflict. If she decides we betrayed her, that her entire life was a lie and hates us or tells someone—the life we led until that moment will be completely unraveled. People will know we lived in sin. Any children we have will be declared bastards. Even if she holds our secret, it is one thing for us to choose to live a lie. But it is wrong for us to choose for her that she must live one as well.”
Why did she have to make such convincing arguments? Why did she have to be so blasted right about this?
“Julia, no one will believe that nothing passed between us, not when we have been portraying ourselves as the Earl and Countess of Greyling. Not when we’ve been seen in each other’s company at the park and attended a ball together. By revealing the truth, we will create an unprecedented scandal that will follow us for years.”
“But at least it will be an honest one.” Tears welled in her eyes, rolled over onto her cheeks. “I cannot live a lie for the remainder of my life. I cannot stand by silently while people think ill of you and give you no credit for being the decent man you are. I cannot allow Albert’s life to be absorbed by yours. I wish I were strong enough to say it doesn’t matter, but it does.” A sob escaped. “I know I am giving up a life with a man I love, but you deserve to be recognized as something more than a scoundrel. I’m sorry, so sorry, but I can’t live this lie that we’re creating.”
And that was the reason he loved her, damn it all to hell.
She began to cry in earnest. Going back to his knees, he put his arms around her. “It’s all right, my love. It’s all right.”
“I know they’ll hate us, ostracize us—”
“Shh, no. I’ll take care of it. I’ll make it right, determine a way to limit the damage.”
She pushed back, swiped the tears from her cheeks. “How? Will you write a letter to theTimes?”
He brushed the loose strands of hair back from her face. “You leave it to me. I’ll figure something out. I spent a great deal of my youth getting in and out of scrapes. I have a wealth of experience to rely on.”
Taking her hand, he stood. “Now come to bed and let me hold you.”
Once they were settled in beneath the covers within each other’s arms, she said quietly, “I know you must be disappointed that I’m not stronger.”
“In many ways this path will be harder, and you know that, yet you’re willing to travel it. That takes an incredible amount of strength.”
“Not so much. I’m really rather cowardly. I can’t live in sin with all of London knowing.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to.” Men could be forgiven for all sorts of bad behavior. Women were forgiven for nothing. Even now he had to devise some means to protect her, to ensure she didn’t carry the brunt of his actions. “You must promise me that Allie will grow up at Evermore. I won’t live there, but I will visit from time to time.”
“You must promise me that you will marry and provide an heir for Evermore.”
