Page 94 of Once More, My Darling Rogue
“He. Did. Not. Force. Himself. Upon. Me. That. Night.”
Studying her intently, he saw naught but the truth. The absolute, unvarnished truth in her eyes. She meant each word she’d punctuated with conviction. Relief swamped him, and yet he was still troubled. “But you had no barrier for me to penetrate.”
Red crept up her throat, over her face, and he knew his words were shocking, too blunt, but he wanted an explanation. He needed to know that he hadn’t done her an even greater disservice than he’d originally thought. Her reaction in the foyer had been more than anger. He couldn’t quite understand what he’d witnessed.
“Perhaps I wasn’t born with one,” she said. “Or perhaps it somehow broke. I don’t know, but surely not every virgin remains completely intact. Besides, considering how desperately you wanted me last night, were you truly in a position to notice?”
She had a point there. He’d been lost in the passion, the fire of her. Mayhap he was wrong, but something was amiss. She was striving too hard to get him off the path. While he knew he should let it go, let her go, he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.
“How did you come to be in the river?”
“I don’t recall.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I’ve had quite enough of this, and of you.”
Turning on her heel, she headed for the door.
“If you don’t tell me how you ended up in the Thames, I’m going to confess to your brother what I did.”
Staggering to a stop, she spun around and glowered at him. “You wouldn’t.”
“I daresay, he’ll insist that we marry.”
Hands balled into fists, she marched back over to him, stopping a mere inch from him, glaring, fire shooting from those emerald eyes. “You are a beast.”
“Considering my recent behavior, I believe that’s unarguable.”
“Why does it matter how I came to be in the river?”
“Because in spite of everything, and while I don’t expect you to believe it, I fell desperately in love with the woman who lived in my residence. If someone caused her harm, they will answer to me.”
“If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have done what you did.”
“I didn’t love you when it began. Christ, I didn’t even like you.”
Her mouth gave the slightest twitch, and he saw the barest of nods, as though she’d made up her mind about something. With her posture, her stance, emerged the woman he’d never been able to tolerate.
“The truth? Yes, I was going to the country with my uncle. But in the carriage he described my aunt’s condition in detail. We were in the midst of the Season and I was going to endure the stench of a sickroom to bathe my aunt, feed her, read to her, and hold her hand. No more dancing, no more strolls through the park admired by gentlemen, no more flirtation. Just drudgery and boredom and tedious tending to an ailing old woman. I didn’t want it. I wanted balls, fine dinners, and theater. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to be sought after. So when the carriage slowed to turn onto a bridge, I leaped out. Uncle sent his footmen after me. Ghastly long legs they have. Why does everyone value tall footmen? Anyway, I knew they would catch me, so over the railing I went. I wasn’t too far along on the bridge, the plunge not such a great distance that I couldn’t survive it. I doubted they would follow. Better to be wet for a bit than to miss the Season. I would worry about dealing with Somerdale later.” Her tone was haughty, cold, and calculating. It sent a shiver down his back.
“You’re not that selfish.”
“Perhaps the woman who lived with you wasn’t, but the one before, the one you didn’t even like? Admit it, that’s precisely how selfish she was. And is. Now that I have my memory back and understand what is my due.”
“Why didn’t your uncle notify your brother straightaway?”
“I assume he thought I was going home so he saw no need. He no doubt expected I would explain to Somerdale that I’d changed my mind about going on to Stillmeadow.”
“He didn’t think it important to ensure you were safe? What sort of man is he?”
“One who cares only about his own convenience. Are we done here?”
Maybe if they were truly two different women with different hearts and different souls he’d have been convinced. But he knew and understood the woman he’d rescued. When she’d hit the water, her façade had shattered. Now she was desperately striving to reerect it. Why?
For the same reason that he had built a barrier around himself: to keep hidden something ugly from his past, something he wanted no one to ever know. But he’d shared it with her, opened himself up to her. Trusted her.
He’d betrayed her. She wouldn’t trust him with it now. But he knew there was something so hideous and dark...
