Page 65 of SEAL's Angel
“I hope you’ll move here for good. I think it would be good for you and Rafe to be closer.”
“I guess it’ll depend on Jake, but I could look into getting my own place if that doesn’t work out, too.” Just the thought of Jake turning her away was heart wrenching. She didn’t want to go down that path, but realistically, it was a possibility. “Would you mind watching them for a while? I want to go see Jake now that I have ‘official’ permission.”
“Of course not. Go ahead. Besides, Rafe will be home. I’m sure between the two of us we’ll be able to handle them.”
“Thank you. I’m hoping to stay for a long while, but there’s the chance I won’t get my foot through the door before he tosses me out on my butt.”
“Like Rafe said, if anyone can make the man come to his damn senses, it’ll be you,” Meghan said.
* * *
Jake opened his eyes as he heard the nurse enter his hospital room, his skin feeling like it was still on fire, and his head throbbed. But he heard her footsteps loud and clear. At least one of his senses hadn’t been destroyed.
“Hi, Lieutenant Commander, time for your pain meds. PT will be here soon to get you out of bed and moving,” Nurse Emily said as she handed Jake the white paper cup with two pills.
He took the pills and the cup of water without saying a word. He was a mean son of a bitch. Not that she deserved it, but he just didn’t give a fuck. Lying in the hospital bed made him crazy. He wished he’d died in the explosion instead of having to live through whatever fresh hell he woke to every day. All the training in the world couldn’t have prepared him for having to learn how to live with the excruciating pain of third-degree burns.
“Good. We’ll give them a chance to take effect and then see how much you can do today. Sound good?” the nurse asked.
“Oh, yeah, can’t fucking wait.” She didn’t deserve his bullshit, but he couldn’t stop himself. Too bad there weren’t pills to ease the pain on the inside like they did for his skin.
Most of the time since the explosion was hazy. When Jake had regained consciousness a couple of days after he’d arrived in Germany, he didn’t remember much. They’d kept him in a medically induced coma and removed the shrapnel and performed the skin grafts.
As his memory of the explosion returned, he realized they had transported him to the base hospital in Germany. At first, he’d thought he was still at Bagram, and he’d asked about his team. When they told him they’d returned home alive and well, it brought tears to his eyes. When he’d asked when he’d get to go home, they’d said it was up to him. What the fuck did that mean?
That’s when the reality of his situation sank in. Burn Unit, skin grafts, medically induced coma. Would he ever have a normal life again? He didn’t see how. Operating would be out of the question. He’d never heard of anyone qualifying after receiving third-degree burns. The doctors had said if he worked hard, he’d get back full mobility since he was in excellent physical shape before the injury. That didn’t make him feel better.
Then there was Dawn. He’d told her he’d always take care of her, and now he was the one who needed care. No way was he going to saddle himself on her. She’d been through enough already, and he thanked God he hadn’t told her he loved her.
Finally, he’d progressed enough to go back to the States, where he would be treated to an extended stay at Walter Reed Hospital. Wasn’t that everyone’s idea of a perfect vacation?
Jake had prayed for death on the flight from Germany to Washington, the pain was so horrific until finally they sedated him. When he woke, he was in a room at Walter Reed. He barely remembered the first few hours after he’d arrived. It was all just a fog of pain and anger. When Tony Knox came to see him that first evening, he’d told him to get out. Not exactly how he should treat his CO, but he didn’t want to see anyone or have them see him.
The doctors told him that everything he was feeling was normal, that he was lucky that all the damage was on the back of his torso. That he’d improve as long as he worked with them, did the rehab, and followed their orders. Yeah, he felt really lucky. He should be good at that after so many years as a Navy SEAL…except now, he wasn’t one.
After a week of pain meds and rehab, Jake didn’t feel any better. The psychologists and social workers reminded him it was a slow process, and that he had to give it time. He didn’t want to give it time, and he couldn’t release the anger that burned him from the inside—it was the only emotion he had left.
There was a knock on the door a short while later. Expecting it to be PT to torture him some more, he yelled, “Come in.” They were lucky he’d left off the “you fuckers.” Except it wasn’t PT.
“Hi, Jake,” Dawn said tentatively as she approached him wearing a yellow gown and gloves.
“Go, please. Don’t come back. Please.” It was all he could manage, and he’d added thepleasewhen he’d seen the hurt on Dawn’s face. And then he realized there was another emotion still living inside him—love for this woman. He refused to give in to it.
“Why don’t you want to anyone here? We’re your family. Let us help you,” she pleaded.
“I don’t want any help. Just leave me alone. You should go back home and forget you ever knew me.”
“Sorry,” Dawn shook her head. “That’s not happening. You promised to be there for me always, or is that only when it’s easy?”
“What the fuck do you expect me to do from this bed? I can’t even take care of myself. Please, angel, just get the hell out of here and forget me.” Seeing the glimmer of hope on her face, he realized he’d used her pet name.
Why wouldn’t she just listen? He needed her to leave before PT came in and she saw just how flawed he was.
“Let me help you…”
“Just get out. I mean it.” Jake realized he was actually yelling at her, and his voice must have carried to the nurses’ station, because Nurse Emily came running in.
“What’s wrong, Lieutenant Commander?”
“Please make this woman leave. I don’t want any visitors,” Jake answered and then turned his head away so Dawn wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes.
