Page 13 of Monster Whisperer
“You’re all hopeless,”Demos growled.“Demeter will find out about her and kill your new toy.”
“Shut up, Demos. No one is touching my pet,”Tryphon growled as he tightened his tentacle around my waist.
“Ignore him, baby bird. Tell us all about you.”
“Well, you know, my name is River, and I’m not from here. I don’t know what I am or why I can hear you. Back home, I’ve always been able to talk to animals. I didn’t know other people couldn’t do that, and I used to try to tell people what their pets were telling me. Things got pretty tense when I was telling people things there was no way I could have known, like they were abusing their pets.
“My mom thought there was something wrong with me when I kept telling her the animals were telling me things. I ended up seeing several psychiatrists and therapists. They kept putting me on all these horrible medications with all these side effects until I learned to lie that I wasn’t hearing them.
“I tried to help them in secret. If someone’s pet asked me to get them away from their owner because they were being abused, I’d sneak in and steal them. I’d find them a better home and check in on them to make sure they were happy there.
“When it was time to go to college, there was no other choice but to become a veterinarian. I don’t know why I can do this, but I might as well put it to good use.”
“A woman after my own heart,”Pavlina said.
I was pretty sure I just got hit on by a giant Black Widow spider.
“Did Hades steal you from a husband, baby bird?”
“Oh, god no. Have you ever tried dating a guy, and he takes you home, and his dog or cat spills all his dirty secrets? They say dogs are loyal and man’s best friend, but when given a voice, they will total unload if you mistreat people or have poor hygiene. The cats will rat you out just because. I even had someone’s ferret tell me I was the fourth woman in his apartment that week.”
“That’s because men are pigs. They deserve to be wrapped up in a web and eaten,”Pavlina said.
“What would you know about men?”Demos said.“You’ve mowed your way through every nymph in the Underworld. The only time you’ve paid attention to a man was when you wanted to eat one.”
“I wouldn’t mind eating you.”
“Enough!”Kimon roared. Smoke blew from his nostrils, and his muscles flexed. He was a little scary when he was mad.“I want to know more about my baby bird, not about your stupid little feud.”
“What’s with the two of you? This is more than just being cooped up together.”
“This asshole was too stupid to realize nymphs aren’t monogamous. She left him for me, then left me for a centaur. Last I heard, she was mowing her way through all the demigods.”
“She would have stayed if you hadn’t tried so hard to get her in your bed.”
“I wasn’t the first, asshole. I was just the first you caught her in the act with.”
“In my fucking bed! You left your nasty webs all over the place.”
“I got there just as a hippogriff was leaving.”
“You’re a bitch, Pavlina.”
Okay, I guess I was mediating too. I planned on letting them out of their cells so we could hang out, but collar or not, those two would get into it and kill each other. I knew how to break up animal fights, but I didn’t know the first thing about breaking up fights between a giant spider and a phoenix.
“Okay, let’s try to work this out. Pavlina, did you go after his girlfriend when you knew she was with him?”
“The truth? I didn’t sleep with your girl, Demos. I don’t play in other people’s toy chests. She approached me at a pub and told me she was single. She invited me back to your place, and I saw someone was leaving. She said he was just a friend. We started making out, and things got heated. My webs come out when I’m excited. One of my webs hit the dresser, and a photo that had been set face down fell on the floor. I saw the two of you hugging in the picture.
“I jumped out of bed and opened the dresser drawer. I saw men’s clothes there and realized I was some booty call, and she was cheating on you with me. I got the hell out of there. I never fucked your girl, Demos. When you found my webs and tried to fight me, I told you I did hoping you’d get the fuck out of that relationship because she was just going to do it again, and I wasn’t the first.
“The only reason I kept taunting you about it is that you’re an arrogant fuck who needs to be knocked down a few pegs. That’s the truth, Demos.”
“You could have just told me the truth instead of being such a bitch about it for so long.”
“You’re an asshole to everyone, Demos. You deserved what you got.”
“You swear you didn’t fuck her in my bed?”
