Page 11 of Disabling Relics for Dummies
Ravyn
All the fucked up tarot readings I’d been getting were making sense. I would scream to the stars that The Lovers card that kept showing up hadnothingto do with Valentine. Ripley and Gabriel both drew that card before they met, and now my twin had an ample supply of dicks around her library.
I would swear on any Lilith relic that card was meant for Killian. He kissed even better than I imagined. And Doctor Key was oddly magnetic. He also knew things I didn’t, which made him fascinating. Still, I had standards, and I wasn’t going there until he coughed up his first name.
I seriously didn’t want to babysit Valentine to find out if he caught ghost cooties. He was a grown ass man and supposed to be a professional archaeologist.Everyoneknew if you could send ghosts back to the Aether, you did. It was just all kinds of fucked up not to put their souls at rest if you could perform the rites, for starters.
You didn’tspeakto them unless you didn’t have a choice. Some of the museum ghosts were pretty great and helped out. There was a ghost of a Puritan child that had been allowed in my cottage since before I got hired. I didn’t kick them out when I moved in. They were pretty respectful of my space and enjoyed watching cooking shows. I left the TV on for them when I left for work.
Angry spirits from the whack ass cult people still used to threaten children? Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Do not talk to the fucked up ghosts. And certainly, don’t visit them alone. I’m sure he’d seen the witches on his staff commune with spirits before, but there was a reason everyone called us and not wolves when they needed to talk to the dead.
Valentine didn’t bring me haunted objects. That bitch probably had a poltergeist hitch a ride over with him, and I couldn’t keep a whole wolf in the warehouse I had for that. There wasn’t even a shower in there. The plumbing was ancient, and the toilet was constantly getting clogged. We tried to put a microwave in there for the staff, but it kept tripping the breaker.
I’d been petitioning for upgrades to the warehouse, which held our dangerous items until I could diffuse them so the staff that worked there every day could be more comfortable, but the board was super old fashioned. They were all about magical protection, which was excellent, but thought they should be happy their cell phones got a signal in there. Never mind the fact that you had to be really careful taking a shit in there, or you’d need the plunger.
It was time. We were done eating, and Doctor Key had told me a good bit of what I needed to know. But, first, I needed to get to the warehouse and face my cheating ex. My cheating, probably haunted ex. How was this my life right now?
I stepped into the warehouse with Killian and Doctor Key. We spread out the items from the dig on various tables and just radiated nastiness. Valentine was pacing and keyed up. He zeroed in on me right away and tried to get me away from Killian.
“Who is the warlock?” he demanded.
Oh, good. Valentine got warlock vibes off Killian, too, and wasn’t paying attention when Doctor Key dropped that he knew Killian was dual natured. Also, who the fuck did he think he was? He didn’t own me. Even if he hadn’t cheated on me and ghosted me, witches weren’t really monogamous.
I was betting odds he wouldn’t remember my familiar’s name. He probably didn’t even remember I had one, so I told him the warlock in my cottage was Killian. I was right.
“Who the fuck is Killian?”
“You are here for work, Valentine. You haven’t spoken to me in years. You have no right to demand to know who I spend my time with.”
He got right up in my personal space. He used to have this magnetism about him, but I was just repulsed right now. Was it the ghosts of the cult or how he treated me? His aura was just nasty now.
“I thought we had something special the last time I was here?”
I glared at Valentine. Was he fucking kidding me right now? He was not hopping on the Ravyn train this time. If Doctor Key were right, I couldn’t risk offending him and breaking his contract with the museum. Gertrude wouldn’t sue the shit out of him. She’d blame me. I couldn’t say what I desperately wanted to say to him, so I just smiled sweetly.
“We had fun, but that was in the past. Why don’t you show me what you brought?”
Since the last time I saw him, Valentine had grown out his mutton chops to a lumberjack beard. He looked so confused as he scratched his beard. Did he seriously not get why I was shooting him down?
“Yeah, um, okay. There’s one box with a blood lock I can’t open. My witches don’t know how either. There’s also another weird box that’s in pristine condition. It’s like it hasn’t been underground for hundreds of years and survived the fire.”
“Show me.”
Ripley and I could wonder twin the blood lock open now that we had Minerva’s diaries. First, I ran my fingers along the box while avoiding the lock. Then, I looked to Doctor Key for the answer.
“What can you tell me about this box?”
Valentine grunted. The last time he was here, I asked him these kinds of questions. Great. Now he was jealous of Doctor Key too.
“It’s metal. The same material the Vikings made their swords from. They most likely had a blacksmith forge the box, though most boxes at the time were made from wood. Whatever is in here, they wanted it protected at all costs. If you look closely, there are runes carved into it.”
I grabbed a rag and some of the solution I used just for that. I started to clean the box meticulously. I could read ancient Norse, but I couldn’t speak it. Killian was with me during my language classes, so he could translate it too. Doctor Key was apparently much more fluent in ancient Norse than either of us because he peered over my shoulder and already had it.
“It’s a warning about opening the box to anyone who isn’t a member of their coven. It says this box contains terrible knowledge, and if the wrong person opens it, things will be dire for them.”
Killian and I gaped at Doctor Key. We were both pretty decent at ancient languages, but we couldn’t translate them that fast. He looked at it and read it back to us like he was a native speaker. His accent was purely American unless he was faking it. I had so many questions about this man.
“Ravyn can handle it, though, right?” Valentine said. “This is what she does for a living.”
