Page 42 of Disabling Relics for Dummies
“Anyway, none of those weapons would have killed him. They just bounced off of him. Mistletoe was the only weapon that would kill Baldur. I made a spear with it and gave it to Hodr, who was blind as fuck. Baldur just stood there like a dumbass while Hodr threw it at him and ended up dead. They gotreallyangry with me, even though they knew that shit was coming and made it easy by throwing weapons at him over brunch.”
None of us were angry he killed Baldur. He didn’t sound the least bit sorry about it, but technically they came for his offspring first. I still didn’t know what this story had to do with him making bear witches and a seer.
“Odin was my blood brother. I thought of the rest of them like family, even as they blamed me for all their shit decisions and generally shat all over me when I stepped in and fixed their problems. It became crystal clear I needed to make a point, and I did. They didn’t think about my three children they tortured and killed. They didn’t think about Sleipnir being kept in Odin’s stable with a magical collar that forced him to be a horse. To them, I had committed the ultimate crime.”
“While this is fascinating, and they sound like utter fuck heads, what does that have to do with where we are now?” Ravyn said.
Loki sighed.
“I don’t get close to people very often. I never know if they like me or the whole Loki mythology god thing. I need you and Killian to know the full story with nothing left out because I know I fucked up keeping the whole god thing a secret and not sharing everything I knew. I enjoy your company, and I want to keep enjoying it. So, I need you to know everything.”
So did I, and it meant a lot to me that he hadn’t been fucking with either of us this entire time. Ravyn was only just starting to trust men again. It would have destroyed her, and yeah, frankly, it would have hurt my fucking feelings too.
“Go on.”
“Okay, so I fucked off away from them, but I always intended to get Sleipnir back. They relentlessly hunted me everywhere. I decided to make a new family. I had my wife and sons with me. We built a remote cabin that would be hard for Odin to find. I created Bjorn and the hybrids.
“We were a family at first, and the cult didn’tuseto be bad. Bjorn could see if Odin or anyone else was zeroing in on us so we could move. A good bit of the spells at the beginning of that grimoire, I wrote with them together. They weresupposedto be good.
“We came up with a plan to rescue Sleipnir. Bjorn was able to tell us the perfect time to strike. They were holding a feast in Odin’s Hall. I wasn’t invited, of course, but they had weird rules about table manners. They were actively hunting me and hated everything I stood for, but if I claimed the rules of hospitality, they had to feed me and not do anything to me.
“It was their stupid rule, and I was going to twist it to my benefit. So I sat there insulting them to their faces. I hurled all their fuckups at them without telling them what they did to me because I needed to keep my cool. Of course, they tried to get under my skin, but when you think you’re the best thing since herbed goat cheese, it’s pretty easy to insult you.”
“They got me out,” Sleipnir said. “While my mother was insulting them, the hybrids snuck into my stable. Some of them were gifted blacksmiths. They could get my collar off. I shifted back, and they had clothes waiting. We snuck out, and one of them put a signal into the sky to Loki. He met us outside, and we left. It seriously pissed the other gods off when they realized I was missing.”
I cocked my eyebrow at Sleipnir.
“You don’t talk like an ancient Viking.”
“Oh, I upgraded both of them,” Loki said. “They understand all modern language and slang. Ihateit when people don’t get my memes, and it will help them fit in.”
“So, you got Sleipnir out. How did your bear witches turn into a cult?” Ravyn asked.
All three men sighed.
“Angrboda,” they all said.
“Wasn’t she the mother of your children that were slain?” I asked.
“Not the same woman,” Loki said, running his fingers through his hair. “Her name was Thorunn, but she decided to call herself Angrboda after the mother of some of my children. It pissed my wife off to no end. She wasn’t a god, but she wanted to be. I made her powerful. They all were, but it wasn’t enough for her.”
“She hated me,” Sleipnir said. “She hated Loki paid attention to me, and she didn’t think they should have rescued me. The gods started hunting my mother even harder after they stole me back. Our family had to move often. I’m not going to call her Angrboda. I never did. Her name was Thorunn. Thorunn started whispering to the others that they could have everything if it weren’t for me. She elevated herself to a god.”
“She was doing this in secret,” Bjorn said. “None of us knew, but I had a vision. Thorunn had everyone on her side. She had convinced them she was a god, and they intended to run. It was a two-part vision. First, Loki was going to be caught by the gods that day. His creations were going to betray him. He could do nothing to stop themthen,but others would. He would be in the right position to stop them at the next eclipse in the future.”
“If I hadn’t done things exactly as I had done back then, Bjorn and Sleipnir would have died,” Loki said. “The hybrids were plotting, and so were we. Bjorn tried to nip it in the bud by telling them they would meet a horrible end if they went the route they were planning. Thorunn tortured him until he revealed they could possibly return the next time the moon totally disappeared.
“Sleipnir burst in and rescued Bjorn. The hybrids were good, but they aren’t as fast as an eight-legged horse. I had just enough time to make the box with the pocket dimension and get Bjorn and Sleipnir inside before the other gods descended on me.
“I turned into a salmon and hid in a nearby stream, but I left a net so that they would know where I was. I needed them looking for me because I knew the hybrids would go back to my cabin to rob me. They’d want Bjorn for his seer abilities, and they’d want to sacrifice Sleipnir if they didn’t turn him back over to Odin.
“I let myself get caught, and when they searched my cabin, they found my box and none of the people they were looking for. I know you’ve heard stories about what they did. Imagine how many followers they would have gathered and the carnage they could have wrought with a seer. But Bjorn is my creation, and I wouldn’t leave him to that fate.
“I knew I wasn’t going to be in that cave forever. I networked with other gods. I knew some of them would hear about what happened and think I deserved to rot. I also knew there were several that knew how upset I was about my children and thought I was perfectly justified in my revenge. It was Chaos who eventually came and broke my chains.”
“Wait, Reyson knew about the Cult of the Aether Sisters this entire time?” I demanded.
What the actual shit? The man went into long ass soliloquies any time he knew something we didn’t or if he just wanted to talk about modern junk food. HeknewRavyn was getting these items. He was there when Lilith said the cult wasn’t her creation, and she didn’t know who made them.
