Page 17 of Coven Relics
“Stay out of my way and don’t speak to me,” Loki growled.
“Can someone show me how to make tea here without a fire?” Bjorn asked.
“I just found this,” Killian said. “Kaine left it with a note. It’s a small blood sample from Sasha’s office. I’m guessing he took one back to his witches and took a swab for us to try a locator spell in case it’s his.”
Lilith bless dragon detectives who bent the rules. I didn’t know the first thing about hacking, but I wasbossat making tea and locator spells.
Chapter13
Ravyn
We were all doing something to find Valentine except Gertrude. She was awkwardly sitting in the corner, waiting for Valentine to call. I knew a thing or two about waiting for a phone call from that stupid wolf. He couldn't be found if you were expecting him to call and were waiting on it. Granted, that was just when he wanted to avoid a woman he was sleeping with and hadn’t gone full-blown criminal, but he wasn’t going to call her.
Gertrude was right. Thorunn was going to want her grimoire back. Valentine messed up by not grabbing it, but I doubted he knew how to get it out of what Sasha was keeping it in to preserve it while she scanned the pages. Iknewhe would have tried to hulk smash it to get it out if Sasha had been entirely knocked out. It was tough to knock out a vampire, especially one with a constant blood source like Sasha had.
They’d be back for the grimoire, but I had a feeling Thorunn would come herself this time. Thorunn was all about her minions, but she was short on hybrids at the moment. She needed Valentine to do the necromancy and help her figure out this century, but he’d already ruined the element of surprise, and we’d be watching for him to come back.
Bjorn was sipping his tea, Balthazar and Loki were digging into Valentine’s computer, Sleipnir was throwing out theories, and Killian and I were putting together a locator spell with the blood swab. Sleipnir was so fucking adorable, and sometimes, I forgot he was a deadly warrior. He also spenta lotof time around Odin. He was on point today.
When I was growing up, my parents had their familiars, but we had a totally non-magical pet dog. A stray showed up on the front porch, and my mom fed it. The dog decided to hang around and soon became a fat, spoiled house dog who got along with our various familiars. Ripley and I got along famously, and we shared everything. We still had our knockdown, drag out arguments. One of us would storm out of the house to sit in the backyard. The dog always followed us.
I don’t know about Ripley, but I unloaded all my emotional baggage on that dog all the time while rubbing his belly and feeding him biscuits. He wanted nothing back except affection, and I didn’t really want an answer or advice. I just wanted to vent. I was told that Odin had a menagerie of pets he spoiled. I disagreed with what he did to Sleipnir, but he treated his animals very well by all accounts. It also sounded like he did the same thing I did and vented when he wasn’t expecting an answer. But Sleipnir was there listening, and he wasn’t a simple eight-legged horse.
“The wolf is going to need somewhere isolated to do his hunt. It’s not like back in my time. There are buildings everywhere now and a lot of stupid rules. It would have been acceptable for Ravyn to kill him for wronging her in my day, but it’s not like that now. If someone sees him chasing a witch and a shifter who aren’t really capable of fighting back, they’re going to stop him. That’s the same as my time. You don’t kill young. There’s no honor in killing someone who can’t fight back.
“Everyone approached necromancy with caution back in my day. No one tried to bring a beloved hero back because if they ended up a revenant, they thought it would ruin their chances of getting back into Valhalla. Even witches skilled in it didn’t do it often. If someone comes across a werewolf trying to raise the dead, they will kill him on sight because that just sounds like a revenant to me. Wherever he is now, it will be isolated and good for hunting.”
That was actually brilliant and spot on. Valentine would be nearby, too. He couldn’t fly with those bones without us being able to track him, and he couldn’t do what he needed to do on a boat. There were plenty of woods around here. My cottage backed up to some with all kinds of goodies for spells. I also found so many pretty rocks out there. They were also haunted as fuck, and the ghosts were loyal to the people who worked in the Profane buildings. They also hated strangers and would rat him out. He wasn’t inmywoods.
“Why is there a dildo in my tea?” Bjorn asked.
Bjorn looked like he was seeing noises now after drinking half the Unseelie tea. I forgot to explain to him to put a lid on the tumbler because some of the ghosts hereshouldhave grown up by now but hadn’t.
“Phillip!” I yelled. “What have I told you about dildos in people’s drinks?”
I heard a ghostly giggle from the corner. Phillip was theworst.When he was killed, he was a forty-year-old incubus but acted like a thirteen-year-old virgin. Every incubus I knew was smooth as hell as soon as they hit puberty. Then, you had Phillip.
“Thatis nota dildo. It’s some kind of work tool,” Gertrude snapped.
Gertrude wasn’t educated in ancient relics and the deep dive into history and cultures like everyone here was. She wouldn’t have known what it was because she didn’t know anything about where it was found and why. She just didn’twantit to be an ancient sex toy. As soon as she became board president, we had to go in and change all the signs on the dildos to work tools. Everyone still knew what they were and gave anyone giving tours a hard time about it. We weren’t even allowed to hint it was a dildo because Gertrude was a prude and a terrorist.
Loki wasn’t having it. He fished the dildo out of Bjorn’s tea and flung it at Gertrude. It smacked her right in the forehead and landed on her lap. She had tea all over her face. I was trying so hard not to laugh.
“First of all, thatisa dildo. That’s Thorunn’s dildo. I helped her make it, and she wasn’t shy about using it in front of everyone. There are probably dildos from all my hybrids here because it took a while for them to find a clan of bear shifters to mate with. Considering your husband is trying to fuck everyonebutyou, you should be able to recognize any form of sex toy unless he sexually harassed my girlfriend because you’ve sewn yours up.”
Oh, my Lilith. I lost it. I’d tried to gently explain to Gertrude they weren’t work tools, and this museum had to duty to be historically accurate, even if it made people uncomfortable. History wassupposedto make you uncomfortable. She wouldn’t budge on it. Only Loki would fling a dildo at her face and bring receipts he made the damned thing.
Gertrude huffed and grabbed her purse.
“I don’t have to stand for this. I’m leaving. If Valentine calls me, I’ll report it to the Paranormal Investigation Bureau.”
Gertrude flounced out of my museum, and I threw myself at Loki. I was definitely in love with him. I mean, he threw a dildo at my boss. I should probably marry him for that.
“That was perfect,” I said, kissing him.
“I couldn’t think with her bad vibes in the room.”
“She also smells funny,” Sleipnir said, wrinkling his nose.
