Page 1 of The White Stag
Reagan
Ilooked out of my bedroom window. I was searching for something—a memory that kept escaping me. I remembered little about my childhood. I had this fleeting feeling that I used to look out of my window for something that would comfort me, but I couldn’t remember what it was.
Most of my past was a haze, and I hadn’t been alive that long. My nineteenth birthday was tonight, and it was like I couldn’t remember my life until the day Alastair Rex found me dying on the street and saved my life.
Alastair filled in the gaps, but he got annoyed if I asked him too many questions, so I tried not to. I was dying to know who my real parents were. I knew I had been given up for adoption and adopted as a toddler by a couple. Unfortunately, all Alastair would tell me was that something terrible had happened to them, and I ended up in the foster system.
Something happened while I was in various foster homes. He wouldn’t tell me what, and I couldn’t remember, but IknewI wouldn’t have run away from them unless something terrible had happened.
For starters, I had a rare blood disease. I could remember that quite clearly. I had to take a pill twice daily that could only be filled at a special compound pharmacy. I got extremely sick if I missed a dose. I couldn’t remember much of my past, but Icouldremember getting sick when I ran out of my pills.
Alastair found me under a bridge, shivering and shaking, with my empty prescription bottle. It was horrible. My entire body would cramp up. I was freezing cold but also sweating. Even my teeth hurt me. I remembered enough to know that happened every time I missed a dose.
Alastair picked me up, put me in the back of his limousine, and had my prescription an hour after we got home. I owed him everything. But sometimes, I felt like I was unhappy here. It was like my memories. It was hazy. I’d wake up happy, and the more the day went on, the more I’d get the feeling something wasn’t right. I’d look out of my window for that mysterious thing I couldn’t remember, but I was sure it was supposed to be out there.
It was almost time for dinner, and I was feeling uneasy. For starters, it was nearly six at night, and I had only been allowed outside when Alastair’s assistant took me out. They were right on top of me the entire time. Ballard kind of creeped me out. He wasalwaysthere, watching.
Ballard was supposed to be Alastair’s assistant, but he never went to work with him when he left the house. He was more like my babysitter. Alastair didn’t want me going into certain areas of his home. If it even looked like I was thinking of going in that direction, he’d pop out of the shadows and redirect me. I also didn’t need to be reminded to take my pills, but he set reminders on his phone to do it, anyway.
Ballard had an entire calendar of reminders just for me. Alastair had been nothing but kind to me, but Ballard treated me like a pet. He had a feeding schedule, and he let me outside in the garden at the same time every day. Of course, I hated it, but it was better than living on the street.
It was almost time for Alastair to get home. He’d always been a cold man, but aside from Ballard, he gave me anything I needed or asked for. I never asked for much, even if I might want it, because I didn’t want him to kick me out. I knew how much my medication cost without insurance. I wasn’t old enough to get a job before, but it didn’t matter how much I panhandled. It wasn’t enough to pay for refills at the specialty pharmacy. I was sure the price had only gone up, and Alastair never let me get a job.
He expected me to eat dinner with him in the formal dining room. I didn’t mind because Ballard disappeared as soon as Alastair got home. Alastair always wanted to know about my day, even though it was literally the same every day. I didn’t have a cell phone, and the laptop he gave me had parental controls so that I couldn’t get on social media. So it wasn’t like I had anything to share about things I talked about with my friends. I didn’t really have those either.
We always sat on opposite ends of the long dining room table. I had to raise my voice for him to hear me, but that seemed to be how he wanted things. I took my seat as his maid brought our dinner out. I expected him to ask about my day. That was always the first thing he did, and he had been doing this for years.
“It’s your nineteenth birthday tonight, Reagan. It’s time we start thinking about your future.”
I had been homeschooled by the best tutors, but I’d like to attend college. I wanted to be able to leave this house without Alastair, and I wanted to go out and make friends. Alastair had a temper. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing because I didn’t want him to kick me out onto the streets like he did his servants if they displeased him. So I waited for him to tell me what he meant.
“It’s time you started thinking about marriage. You’re old enough and very attractive. So I’ve decided to take you as my wife. The wedding will take place in the garden in two days and will be a private ceremony. I’ll have a justice of the peace brought in, and Ballard will be our witness.”
My mouth fell open. I had plenty of opinions I never voiced because I was grateful to Alastair for getting me off the street. I always woke up content and happy with my life, but as the day wore on, I realized things weren’t as perfect as I thought they were when I woke up.
I was always so afraid of making him angry by telling him things that I was unhappy with, but I absolutely didn’t want to marry him. He took me in and cared for me, but I didn’t even really love him like a father. He was way too cold for that. Iwantedto fall in love and get married, but I actually had to be let out of this house to meet someone to do that.
I couldn’t bite my tongue anymore. If he kicked me out, so be it. I was old enough to get a job now. I’d find a way to pay for my pills and a specialist to write my refills.
“I can’t marry you,” I blurted. “I’m going to marry someone I love, but you must let me out of this house to do that. I want to go to college, and I want to be able to leave when I wantwithoutBallard.”
Alastair was a good-looking man, but I wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest. He had this unearthly beauty with his black hair and black eyes, but there was nothing resembling love in those obsidian eyes. I might live a sheltered life, but I knew there were plenty of women who would have been happy to be in a loveless marriage with a pretty man in return for the comfortable life he gave me.
But that wasn’t me. I was grateful to him, and always would be, but things were getting slightly stifling here. I just had this feeling that I wouldn’t be his wife. I would be his property. It was time to let my fear of trying to survive on my own with my blood disorder go and say what needed to be said.
“Speak up. I hate it when you mumble.”
“No,” I said.
I never told Alastair no before, even when I wanted to. It felt good.
“Excuse me?” Alastair said, his black eyes glittering dangerously.
“I don’t want to marry you. I want to be able to leave the house when I want, and I want to go to college.”
Alastair steepled his fingers and looked amused.
“You alwaysthinkyou know what you want at dinner. But you’ve spoiled my meal. So finish your meal and go to bed. You know how I feel about wasting food. You’ll feel better about it in the morning.”
