Page 1 of The Goddess is Fierce
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. . .
Iwasn’t prepared for what came out of Azren’s mouth. Sol being a god wasn’t what shocked me. Sol beingthatgod, is what did it. We learned about Baldur in history. He was my Uncle Loki’s kin and the one family member he refused to talk about when we asked.
Because Loki was the one who was responsible for his death. All he would ever say about Baldur was that he had deep regrets about it. Baldur wasn’t involved with hurting Loki’s kids at all and had always been kind to him. Loki picked him because it would hurt everyone whowasinvolved the most.
From what I learned in history, Baldur was a beloved god associated with light who was supersensitive and had a bit of foresight. He started dreaming about his death, so his mother Frigg basically tried to figure out what his weakness was. She asked everything if it could kill him, but she forgot to ask the mistletoe.
They all assumed he didn’t have one, since they thought they ruled out everything. They thought he was a different kind of god, so they would throw weapons at him and celebrate they didn’t harm him. But Loki was in the background, hurt about his kids and plotting.
He fashioned a spear out of mistletoe and brought it to one of these parties. Loki gave the spear to Baldur’s blind brother Hod and guided his arm as he threw it. The spear pierced Baldur’s heart and instantly killed him. Baldur’s family hunted Loki and got their revenge by chaining him in a cave while snake venom dripped onto his face.
Loki and Odin had made their peace about the whole thing, but all Loki would ever say about it to me was that he wished he had done the whole thing differently, because Baldur didn’t deserve what he did.
And he probably didn’t. I didn’t know Sol all that well, but I never got vibes off him that he was capable of murdering witches like that, even with his magic being totally gone.
But finding out he was Baldur changed all that.
I didn’t know Baldur. Everything I’d ever been told about him was that he was a gentle god. I knew enough to know that when his family was hurting Loki’s kids, Baldur wasn’t involved in that. But he’d also been murdered and spent a ton of time in the Aether.
My dad went there willingly after he got tired of mortals until my mom was tricked into forcing him back into his vessel. There were a lot of gods hanging out there right now because they weretired of being alive. I was still kind of shaky on the whole thing, but I thought it was different if you went there willingly versus if you were murdered and forced there.
Baldur didn’t remember anything. The guy in front of me seemed pretty broken up at the idea he could have brutally murdered all those witches. It looked like he still hadn’t even processed finding out who the fuck he was. The Baldur I learned about in history class wasn’t capable of that, but he wasn’t that god anymore.
I looked to Azren for answers. I knew Azren didn’t know every single god, but maybe they knew Baldur. I got my answer when Azren pulled him into a massive hug. Baldur looked stunned and just gave him a bro pat on the back.
“You know me?”
“A long time ago. After you died, I tried to make a deal with your parents to get you back, but it was beyond my skill unless I brought you back, mortal. To restore youexactlyas you were, we needed your vessel. None of us have the skill to build one of those, so we had to wait for the Fates to do it.
“You’ve been dead thousands of years. Your mother, Frigg, is in Asgard and your father, Odin, has been hanging out on this realm just in case you came back to either place. They would have felt it if you came back with your magic. If you had your magic and memories, you could have sought them out. You’ve been here this whole time?”
“Here and around. This is kind of a lot to process. I didn’t exactly go to any type of school. The only thing I know about the gods is what I read from books and then later when the internet was available. I only really read about the ones who created anything because I was trying to figure out if someone made me and messed up. Would Baldur have killed those witches?”
“Absolutely not. You used to be kind, gentle, and beloved. I can’t tell you if that changed while you were in the Aether. Most gods that died didn’t take so long to come back.”
“Can we get his memories back?” Matilda asked. “Maybe not what happened after, but who he was before he died?”
“First things first,” Azren said. “I need to find his father. Stay here with him. I’ll be back.”
Azren disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I’d met Odin before when I was younger. He scared me at first. Odin was massive, with a waist-length beard and one eye. My mom realized I was being a little asshole about it and pulled me aside.
I put on my big girl panties and went back into the room. Odin ended up being great. He loved kids. Michael was six and Matilda and I were five. Odin had thebeststories. We kept begging for more until we were falling asleep on his couch. He kept telling them until we were out.
Now that I was older, I realized Odin always had this profound sadness about him. I always thought he isolated himself in his villa away from his family because he was eccentric, like the other gods I’d met, and had some big reason that wasn’t explained to me.
It had been his son this entire time. He’d been waiting for Baldur this entire time and Baldur had been here with no memories or magic. Baldur looked terrified at the idea of meeting his dad. I didn’tknowif he was the one doing this, but I still felt bad for him.
“I’ve met your dad. We’d stay with him if we’d vacation in France. He’s intense, but he’s brilliant and really good with kids. I imagine he was a great dad. You were born like me instead of created, and your parents weren’t weird about that like some of the other gods. Like, they canchoosenot to have kids, but do it anyway and treat them like garbage. Your parents weren’t like that.”
“It’s honestly a lot. What if I came back broken?”
Azren would fix it, but I knew exactly what Baldur needed right now. We could stew on theories if he would ever get his magic and memories back and if he was the one who killed all those witches, or we could talk about anything else.
Who was Baldurright now?He was a god before, but he’d been living on Earth for a few hundred years with no memories or magic. I’m sure there were big parts of him that were still the same even without his memories, and there were parts that were new because of his experiences.
I needed to distract him and get to know him. He was a born god,just like me.And there was one person I knew who was also a part of this that had the ability to set everyone at ease, even Baldur.
