Page 16 of Whiskey, Thieves, and Bastards
“Yes, and I wasn’t lying about being Dionysus. I’m not cosplaying as a god. I really am,” Dionysus said, swirling his hand above a glass of water and turning it to wine. He pinched his fingers, drew his hand upwards, and flowers sprouted from the wine.
Shit. They really outed themselves. I mean, they hadn’t exactly been hiding, but it was really tongue in cheek until they proved it.
“Anyway, that’s not why we’ve teamed up, Maenads. The leader of the Coalition has been identified. Hannibal Payne is their leader, and he’s got Saul Wood in his pocket. Girl, did youseethat shit show where they tried to gaslight us that dangerous supernatural broke out of one of their facilities and unalived everyone but him?”
“Girl, yes, and the damned facility doesn’t even exist anywhere. It’s a fucking vineyard that’s managed by smart, powerful, and brutally hot women and it has been for a while. We aren’t stupid. I think Saul and Hannibal were expecting a knee-jerk reaction where we all got violent without fact checking, but what do we say about losing our shit?
“Getallthe facts before you get messy on or about someone because sometimes, they aren’t worth it. Sometimes, they are starting shit to make a fool of you and my Jaminas and the Maenads are too smart for that. You might be human or you might be supernatural, but youallhave your own kind of magic and can do anything you set your mind to. You don’t need to be able to cast spells or shift into an animal to help bring a hate group down.”
“He’s right,” Dionysus said. “I’ve been around thousands of years. Humans are insanely clever. If you’re watching this and you’re human, we love you. Weknowyou aren’t like Hannibal and his Coalition. We aren’t asking you to put yourself in danger either. We’dneverask you to get hurt for us.”
What exactly were they asking? Benji’s idea of a plan was usually cobbled together in five seconds, bordered on insane, but was generally brilliant. Even I could admit there was an art to his fuckery with Sheriff Riddle, though I’dnevertell him that and encourage him. Dionysus probably understood humans better than anyone here.
“Humans and supernaturals used to exist peacefully together. I watched this change and couldn’t do much to change people’s opinions. I lived through the witch burning hysteria and let me tell you something. Alotof innocent humans died, too.
“Now, there are going to be people riled up about what Hannibal and Saul are spinning. You can’t tell humans and supernaturals apart unless supernaturals use magic in public and that only happens in extreme situations in his country.
“People are going to want to see enemies where there isn’t one and they might start accusing their neighbors. I hope I’m wrong, but I saw this with witches and then again with the Red Scare. So, we just want you to keep an eye out. Ifyouare in danger or you see someone in danger, we want you to DM one of us and drop us a pin. We can get there in an instant and help. We also want you to spread the word that New Eden Asylum never existed and that they are trying to incite violence. That’s it.”
It was a good plan and probably needed. But I was guessing Dionysus’s Maenads were similar to Benji’s Jaminas. Some of them were going to take this mission deadly serious and save a few lives.Someof them were going to engineer a situation where Benji or Dionysus swooped in to save them for social media clout.
Apparently, Benji thought of that.
“This is serious. These people stole my childhood. I haven’t seen my parents since I was seven-years-old and I don’t even know if they are still alive. These people have blinded or starved people I love. If you call either of us to save you and you aren’tin danger or it’s fake, we will utterly destroy you. We won’t touch a single hair on your head, but trust me, when the entire world finds out you used a situation where we can potentially stop a hate group to fake getting rescued by hot guys for social media clout, you won’t even want to be seen in public putting gas in your car. Don’t do that shit.”
“Seriously, don’t. That’s just gross. Kisses Maenads and Jaminas. Spread the word and if someone needs help, you have it.”
It was gross. Did everyone understand that, though? Benji was the kind of crazy who kept breaking into the sheriff’s house and stuffing shrimp in his curtain rods but he also thought wasting law enforcement resources because someone was just existing outside was morally reprehensible. Benji had made a few people internet famous for that. His followers were there when he did that, so theyhadto know he was serious about doing it to them because this was important to him.
Yeah, basically, I wentstraight to the comments.
Pinguismymaster:Poor Benji. Do you need me to kiss your trauma and make it all better? I’ll be your eyes and ears here. No one will hurt a human or supernatural under my watch.
Witchinheels:I’ve always known those horns were real, big boy. And I’ve always known that was the real Dionysus. You can guess why. If I drop a pin, I’m not faking. I’ll fight with you.
Shannon Foxtail:I’ll be so stealthy. There’s a Coalition facility across town. The older generation is the only thing keeping it open. You give the word and my friends will raze it to the ground. Also, how many of us want to be thrown around by a god right now?
Fking_autocorrect:Now that we know the horns are real, I’m pretty sure a lot of us want to get railed while holding onto those horns for dear life.
Babspuff:#hornyforthehorn
LaSolita:You can’t use that hashtag. You stole it from one of Benji’s books and it’s not even about a demon. God, you are so unoriginal. This is why I unfollowed you.
Didge88:Why are y’all thirsty about his horns and trying to make fetch happen with a hashtag? He’s had them this entire time, and this is serious. Honestly, some of us are here for the social commentary, not the thirst traps. We have the chance to do something great and y’all are thinking with your pussies.
Squishedfairy:Excuse you, some of us can multitask. I can sexually objectify two beautiful men and appreciate what they have to say.
Lunarwitch:Some of you need to focus because this affects some of us more than it affects you. A lot of you aren’t in any danger of ending up in one of those places, but they took my parents. Benji and Dionysus will just embarrass you on social media, but I’ve got some super fucked-up hexes I can throw in a jar if I hear you called them out for social media clout.
LiliLaly:She means it and she’s a petty little asshole.
CrazyWitchLady:Maybe you shouldn’t try to get a witch’s boyfriend to cheat with you. He’s loyal to her, bitch.
Aradia-NightRaven:Maenads, can we focus? We’ve been given a job to team up with the Jaminas. This is an important job. We need to make a covenant.
AlleyKaty:The Jaminas are down but some of us aren’t supernatural. We don’t know what that is.
Berni:It’s something the Maenads do. It’s not a supernatural thing. One of us starts a roster. Everyone adds their name and promises to do or not do something. If someonebreaks the covenant, the Maenads come for them. Trust me, you don’t want to break the covenant.
