Page 2 of Whiskey, Thieves, and Bastards
“You take that back!” Benji gasped. “Humans aren’t capable of this much fabulousness.”
“You’d think that, but I’m amazing and they created the gods, too,” Hades said. “They created nearly every supernatural being in existence, even gods.”
“How is that possible? They don’t have magic. They are afraid of it,” Pax said.
“What is magic but intention and what is intention but belief?” Hephaestus said. “If enough people believe in something, sometimes hocus pocus happens and gods and supernatural beings get created. Kat’s people were probably dealing with a wild animal, but made up a wild tale about a creature with superhuman speed and strength that fed off blood to get stronger at the same time another village across the world was doing the same thing because no one knew better. Hence, vampires.”
“Shadow demonsarerelated to Nyx,” Hades said. “She’s the God of Night. She can travel anywhere there is a sliver of shadows, kill you, and get out of there without a trace. Sound familiar? The Cult of Nyx actualized the shadow demons because they thought they were her minions. They called them something else, of course.”
“Well, Granny Nyx sounds like a total badass, but I’mnota minion. I don’t even like that movie.”
“Shifters came about because someone usually had a predator terrorizing their camp. The animal was smarter than it should be, so stories got started about how they were a man during the day and an animal at night. They killed countless innocents because of it.
“Witches were healers and scientists. They’ve been around for ages. Someone used herbs to save a life and people thought it was magic. Eventually, peoplegotmagic. Sirens and sea monsters were people trying to explain what they saw when people took to the seas. Eventually, those became real, too,” Persephone said.
“I’m also half succubus,” Jezebel said. “I’m guessing that’s an interesting origin story.”
“Oh, yes,” Persephone laughed. “It’s rooted in ye olden time misogyny. Back in the day, men could cheat with whomever they wanted, and it was expected. Women were executed or disfigured if they were caught.
“So, a few enterprising women who weren’t afraid of their sexuality and didn’t want to deal with their husbands and his lack of knowledge on how to please a woman started making up tales of it being a demon if they were ever caught. It wasn’t their fault, and they weren’t cheating, see? It was the devil sending them demons to corrupt them.
“The menfolk and the church believed this so hard, the incubi came to be. They were sure there were female versions, too, and the priests were particularly afraid of them. They thought about them so much, eventually the succubae happened, too.”
“I love that,” Jezebel laughed.
Benji let out a horrified gasp, so we all turned to look at him.
“So, if the Pastafarians get serious, we’re all going to have to deal with Flying Spaghetti Monster? Because that sounds horrifying. Imagine the sound of spaghetti noodles trying to walk. It’s morally reprehensible.”
“Oh, Flying Spaghetti Monster actualized in a Porta potty at Jazz Fest in New Orleans about two decades ago. He’s the first god to pop up in thousands of years, so a few of us showed up to greet him. We walked him through shapeshifting so he can fit in here.
“The younger gods are a weird sort. Flying Spaghetti Monster was a mopey fuck who said he neveraskedto be born. He’s a total anarchist and has been singing lead in a punk band for the past fifteen years,” Dionysus said.
“Which one?” Pax demanded.
“I’ll never tell.”
“I’ll bet it’sMeatball Hellscape,that band you made me poof you to, and someone punched me in the face for stepping on their foot,” Benji said.
“I’ll neither confirm nor deny thatMeatball Hellscapehas a divine lead singer, but you’ve seen them in concert.”
“Badass,” Pax said.
“I will admit he’s sexy as fuck, knowing he’s flying spaghetti under the skin suit.”
“How does that help Medusa?” Cas asked. “We don’t know if Athena lied, how to teach her to be a fury, and even if we could, Hannibal starved her, and she can’t do anything like this. Her gaze is fatal, but I won’t risk it.”
Dionysus stood, and I knew that look on his face. He was about to fuck shit up. Everyone thought he was this easygoing party god, but he remembered all the fucked-up shit he did when Hera cursed him. He was about to bring the mad, cursed god back out.
“I knowexactlyhow to fix this,” he said, disappearing.
And that worried me.
Irealized someone had tagged along with me on my trip. I expected the hybrid, but it was the blind warlock. Pax had his cane under his arm and looked pretty badass. Shit. He shouldn’t be here. It had nothing to do with him being blind and everything to do with whose door I was about to kick down.
“You shouldn’t have come.”
I was honestly shocked he could be away from her this soon. The only reason I could be was that I could fucking fix this. Watching her that thin and having panic attacks again after so long was sending me into a rage. I didn’t particularly want to tell them anything about their past, but we needed to figure out how to help her.
