Page 58 of Whiskey, Thieves, and Bastards
Because I knew it was ridonk.
“It’s my turn to steal you. We’re going to figure out exactly what will titillate America’s Granny.”
Medusa grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the living room. She was perfect. I was pretty famous for this. I panicked about something minor instead of focusing on the big thing because the big thing was always so much worse.
Cas and Pax got it. Most of our big things hadn’t been as big as this, so they could take turns dealing withitand dealing with me. Igotthis was the most important quest we’d been on. Fuck, it was a god quest set by the fates. If I got allmeabout it, I would fuck this up.
And Medusa just got that.
“So, I got curious when I found out you’re social media famous and stalked you. And then I found out Pepper fucking Crane is a secret fan of your and I stalked your comments, too. Seriously, I’ve been around a very long time and in every civilization and era, politicians have always had their own agenda.
“I’ve maybe got fingers on one hand for the ones that didn’t and got into it because they genuinely wanted to make things better. I always wanted to believe that about Pepper Crane, but you never really know with people. I wanted to see what she said on your posts when no one knew she was Pepper Crane.”
“She’s amazing, right? I don’t know all my followers. There’s a lot of them and some of them don’t interact a lot. Her secret account was one of my first followers and she’s always just beensosupportive. Yeah, she got spicy on my thirst traps and if I made a book post, she’d drop a recommendation for something completely filthy, but she was also really helpful when I was posting about social issues and just really comforting if I was ranting, even if it was about something stupid. She’s the real deal, Medusa. You can put one of your fingers down for her.”
“Well, fuck. Then we have to make this thebestshirtless selfie ever then, don’t we?”
“Thank you! I know she’s one of the good ones, but she’s kind of horny for a granny. What if I send her one that just dries her vagina up and she decides not to help us?”
“Benji, I’m not sure if Pax and Cas don’t tell you this enough, but you’re insanely beautiful. You could post a selfie with a mullet and jorts while wearing socks with sandals andeveryoneis still going to get wet.”
“Shh,” I said, placing my finger over her lips. “There was a lot of glorious shit about the eighties, but I had Polaroids like that and burned them.No onecan pull that off. But I’ll tell you a secret. Cas rocked a massive mullet in the eighties and it was definitely a party in the back.”
I hoped she teased him about it. He’d know it was me and he’d definitely spank me for it. It was just our love language. Yeah, I couldn’t get distracted by Cas and his spankings right now. I was on a mission. But I could give her a little hint.
Medusa broke into a huge smile when I roped her into my plan to get a spanking from a big bear daddy later. Dionysus told us she didn’t like that kind of thing happening toherbut she liked watching.
“When this is over, we’ll get you the best spankings ever.”
“Seriously, this is why fate chose you for me.”
“So, selfies. She likes books, right? What if we did a collage to show her how grateful we were? Cas showed me his library. We should do it there.”
Ooh. Cas’s library was something. It had wall to ceiling bookshelves, big comfy couches, and a fire place. Cas was sexyas fucksitting in front of the fireplace with his reading glasses on reading a smutty book I recommended.
Fuck
Me.
But yeah, the library was perfect. One of the walls was just windows that looked out to the valley. Medusa zeroed in on that right away when we walked into the library.
“Ooh, that bay window is perfect. We can do some with Dionysus, but I think you should do some with just you in front of that window.”
“When she was commenting on my posts, she likes the classics, but she also likes the really filthy smut. We should do one of me reading, but I can’t pick which book.”
“How about we mix them up? We can have some around you and you reading one.”
“Good call.”
I poofed myself back to my bedroom for supplies. I needed body oil, glitter, and eyeliner. I got that on while Medusa set the scene. I loved that she didn’t find any of this silly. She turned around when she had the bay window set up and then she just stared at me.
Shit, was something wrong? I felt my tail droop.
“Seriously, you are stunning. I can’t get over how beautiful you are,” she whispered.
Me? I knew the stories of Medusa said she was beautiful, but then Hollywood got ahold of her story and turned her into this monster. I saw her before I turned to stone. She wasstunningeven with the snakes. With the glasses on, she was beautiful. Now that she knew she could turn it off and was happier? It was almost hard to look at her because she wasthatgorgeous.
I couldn’t even complete with her and I told her that.
