Page 16 of Time Traveling Space Bastards
“Lillian James? Yes, she fought harder to keep your case open than anyone. She repeatedly told the police you’d never been anything more than a sound mind around her and she’d never known you to take any type of risks like that.”
“Ugh. I love that woman. I’m going to bring her cookies before I get murdered.”
“We’re going to stop that,” Torrek said. “I’ve been Kuka’s bodyguard for a while. I’ll be yours, too.”
Protected by the Big Sexy Alien with Stripes and Claws.If it wasn’t pertinent that I finish one series, I could roll with that on a new one.
Provided no one murdered me.
They bungled her investigation, for sure. Even if she had been schizophrenic or involved with bad people, she deserved the dignity of having her murder solved instead of being put on a shelf as soon as they talked to her parents. It seemed like her neighbor had taken up for her. I’d like to meet her because Baxter seemed to like her.
That was when it hit me. My theories usually hit like this. There was pressure behind my eyes and my cock got a little hard because I’d figured it out. It was just like this when I’d worked out time travel. I jumped to my feet because I had to tell everyone.
“Shit, here we go,” Torrek said. “Baxter, our planet didn’t figure out time travel. Kuka did. He’s probably the smartest person in any galaxy.”
I preened, but mostly because I wanted Baxter to hear that.
“Wait, what? I thought your brother had a time machine, too.”
“I’ve been tinkering with time travel since I was thirteen. I wrote my thesis on it at university. My brother only graduated because the university didn’t want to look bad flunking the possible heir to the throne out.
“He plagiarized my work. Valtens stole my earlier blueprints and had his machine built. It wasn’t refined yet and he honestly could have ended up anywhere. Valtens is also terrible with money, so he would have been cheap with the construction so he could spend the rest on women, pleasure Enix, and booze.”
“So, he wouldn’t know how to use the damned thing,” Baxter said. “He’s probably not the one that kills me because the chances of him ending up where I am are pretty slim. He could have ended up during the dinosaur age and gotten eaten by a T-Rex. Sorry, I know that’s your brother and I shouldn’t say that, but he did steal your time travel stuff to come kill me, so I should be allowed to be mad about it.”
“Sorry, I agree with her. A lot of people don’t want your brother anywhere near the throne and are rooting for you,” Omi said.
“How does that work, exactly? The throne goes to the eldest here. It used to be the eldest son, but then women started doing a banging job. Most places that still have a monarchy also have a government.”
“Well, that’s not logical. Being born first doesn’t necessarily make someone a good ruler, even if they are prepared for it. All the education in the world isn’t going to do a damned thing if you don’t have the right personality. Once all the children are old enough, they are given the same amount of Nova credits to come up with something to show they deserve to rule. The person with the best idea becomes king or queen. If they all have a terrible idea, then the royal line ends with that family and a new one is chosen.”
“Okay, that makes sense, but it also puts a lot of pressure on me to write that book if I don’t die. How do you know you can even stop it? I watch alotof Sci-fi and there’s all these theories about why you can’t kill certain people and why you can’t go back in time to save someone’s life.”
Ugh. Now I was distracted.
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“Well, like, everyone wants to go back in time and kill Hitler before he becomes a shit and sometimes, people want to go back and kill their parents because they were also shits. If you kill Hitler when he’s just a terrible artist with bad gas, then you changed history and he never commits genocide. Future you have no reason to go back and kill that artist with the farts.
“If you kill your parents before you are born, then youcan’tgo back and kill them because you don’t exist. If you kill themafteryou were born, then your whole childhood is different and you don’t hate them enough to go back and murder them.
“And it’s the butterfly effect if you go back in time to save someone’s life. That person was meant to die. Those shows have all kinds of shit go down when they don’t. Other people keep dying, monsters show up, or natural disasters happen until that person dies like they are supposed to.”
Fascinating. I’d love to talk this over with her or the people who came up with those theories. But I also had my own.
“Going back in time to stop a villain or getting revenge on someone before they can hurt you makes sense. If you do something before they’ve had the chance to do anything bad, then future you have no reason to stop them. But the rest sounds like superstition and magic. That’s not real.”
“Um, you came looking for me because you thought I was a prophet,” she pointed out.
“I know!” I yelled. I’d finally gotten to my point. “Listen, it’stime.It’s laughing at me. Everyone tries to master it in someway. We try to turn back the clock when we get old or we wish we could go back and change something. I figured out how to do that and it’s trolling me.
“Your books ended up on our planet because ofus.Think about it. They found the device with the texts on them and then heavily excavated the planet trying to find the bones of the Devouring Mother so they could get more information about her. There were no bones. There was no sign anyone but animals had lived and died there.
“So, how did those texts get there? I’ll tell you. It’s fuckingus.We came here for the last text and we were either going to bring it with us or go back seven thousand years and put it with the rest of them so this mess never started.
“But, if the last text is never missing, then I have no reason to figure out time travel to seek out the Devouring Mother. If we never seek out the Devouring Mother, then she never meets us in her pool and has no reason to write the first four texts in the first place. The texts never end up on our planet. We fucked with time and time is fucking back!”
“Excuse me, but I need a fourth cup of coffee, but the fourth cup of coffee is going to need some whiskey in it. I swear, I don’t usually drink this much.”
