Page 30 of Time Traveling Space Bastards
“Awkward, brother.”
“Can I ban you from this table while I have this conversation?”
“Fuck no.”
“No. I don’t have any girl besties. Omi is my new girl bestie. If it’s bad, I’m going to banishyouso we can shit-talk you.”
“It’s not bad. At least, I don’t think it is. I mean, I didn’t even think it was possible, or I would have warned you first,” Torrek stammered.
“What my big brother is trying to say is that he imprinted when you had sex and now you are connected. He can feel you and I’m not exactly sure how it works for humans, but you may eventually be able to feel him, too.”
“I mean, that vampire book made imprintingsuperweird, but I’m familiar with the concept. I’m not upset about it, but I still don’t know what it means for the future.”
“Well, Torrek can’t be apart from you now. I see how you’re able to explain away our appearance, but the rest of us don’t really want to leave you here, either. I’m not sure if wecan.I stilldon’t know where my brother is. We could save you now and he could eventually find you and kill you after we left. If I win the throne, I’d be in charge of approving immigration to our planet. I have no problem letting you live there. We want you to come back with us,” Kuka said.
“Yes,” I said immediately without even thinking about it.
I mean, yeah, I was now soul married to an alien with stripes and they were offering to take me to an entirely new galaxy. I should probably think about that for longer than I agonized over what color I wanted to dye my hair, but I just knew in my gut this was the right thing to do.
This planet hadn’t done much for me. I would forever be lonely if I stayed because I couldn’t talk about my past. I’d never be able to go to college or get a decent job because I couldn’t have anyone looking at the fake identity I’d bought. I wasn’t attached to anyone here except Stella, Coby, and my neighbor. That was sad as fuck, but that was my life.
“Just like that?” Kuka asked.
“Well, I have one major question. Torrek has a glorious sack, but does punching people in the dick work on everyone on your planet? Because it’s basically, the only thing in my arsenal when I’m cornered or mad.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s universal in both galaxies except for one planet in ours. There’s a race with theirs on the inside and I don’t think these guys will ever bring you to that planet because the people there are savage,” Omi said.
“You won’t need to touch another male’s genitals because I’ll be there to protect you,” Torrek said.
“You make it sound like a dick punch is something they are going to enjoy.”
“Sorry. It would bother me if you touched another male’s genitals, even if you were assaulting them.”
“One thing you should know about being a Saki’s Zovea. We are fiercely territorial, but we also cherish them,” Omi said.
“And I should tell you something, too. I see how you look at Enix and Kuka. I see how they look at you. It doesn’t trigger my instincts to rip them apart. I actually think I would like it if we were all together.”
“Like the Scrivlu? That’s progressive,” Omi said.
“What’s a Scrivlu?” I asked.
“They are similar to Saki, but very different. Every race on our planet has bonds like a Zovea, but the Scrivlu have several. They are just as territorial as the Saku, but it’s contained to several people instead of just one.”
“So, we could totally have foursomes then!” I announced just as Stella rocked up with our drinks.
Shit. I was never living this down.
“Uh, Baxter, I don’t think your actor friends should makeeverypart of your books come true, even if they are method.”
“Um, I’m method acting right now, too. We’re notreallygoing to have an orgy, we’re just pretending we’re characters in my books.”
I couldn’t act to save my life. One time, I tried to cry to get out of a speeding ticket and nearly got pepper sprayed. I was, however, excellent at lying on the fly.
“Well, don’t get weird in my diner. Your friends are fun to look at, but it’s not hygienic. Soup will be out in ten.”
I turned to my time traveling space bastards. They weren’t going to leave me behind, so that solved one problem. There was still one big one.
“How do you get me to another galaxy while still knowing you have to come backnowto fetch me?”
