Page 55 of Time Traveling Space Bastards
“Omi!” Torrek barked.
“Can’t judge, brother. You went there, and I didn’t.”
“She’s my Zovea!”
This may or may not end in a brawl. Omi and Torrek’s bickering did sometimes. They broke shit, got a few bruises, and then they laughed it off. I didn’t want to get stuck here doing repairs on Big Daddy because they broke something vital punching each other.
“Let’s focus. We need to get off this planet because we don’t want anyone spotting Baxter. I need a device like Baxter has for us to leave the holy texts.”
“You’re going to have to create an account with the delivery service and have it delivered. It’s going to look suspicious if I ordered a kindle when I’m supposed to be dead. They are going to look at that.”
“Done,” Enix said.
I was glad he did it because some of the technology on this planet was primitive compared to ours and I didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of my Velne if I struggled with it.
“I’ll meet the driver at the front of the building,” Enix said. “I met the last one and I can handle it.”
“You threatened to assault the last one,” Baxter pointed out.
“I was still learning this planet’s customs and there was some data to back up me being suspicious. I’ll only assault this one if he assaults me first.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Baxter said.
“I will go wait so we can go home.”
Enix only wanted to go home because of Baxter. If she’d said no, he would have wanted to stay here with her. We would havelet him. The only reason his previous owner wasn’t making a stink to get him back was because ofwhostole him. He could always change his mind and try to take ownership of Enix again.
I hadn’t figured out alotof what I needed to do, but I knew how to prevent that from happening and everyone back home was going to hate it.
Iwas bouncing off the walls and I couldn’t leave Big Daddy. It wasn’t just that I was about to leave the entire galaxy. I’d never even left the United States before. My parents didn’t trust me in an entirely different country because yeah, I probably would have fucked off and ran away. We didn’t actually go onanyvacations after they decided I was crazy.
The only time we left the state was to visit my grandparents, and they were just as awful as my parents. My grandparents didn’t think I was schizophrenic, they just thought my parents didn’t beat me enough. I’d have to sit there while they lectured my parents about how a few well-placed spankings would set me straight. Sometimes, I had to leave the state because they were trying out some new treatment, but never vacations.
I didn’t have enough money to travel after I ran. I was barely getting by as it was. But they were about to take me somewhere they could bring home the ability to grow coffee beans andcacao on their planet and that was nearly as awesome as time traveling.
I knew it wouldn’t be a vacation. I probably wouldn’t even be able to go shopping just in case my face got picked up on any cameras when I was supposed to be dead. But maybe I could step outside Big Daddy and said I went there.
Enix was back with the e-reader before I knew it. I knew they wanted to buy my books, but honestly, I didn’t want them to do that. I was going to load them onto it from my laptop. When the cops eventually connected Baxter Holmes to my birth name and contacted my parents, they might eventually find my publishing account.
They weren’t going to read the actual books, but they’d know enough from the blurb that they were about my aliens. They’d think I wrote them in a haze of schizophrenia and take them down. I didn’t know if they could Yoink them off a device several lightyears away when my parents took the books down, but I really didn’t want to risk it.
I had them loaded pretty quickly and then I turned to look at everyone.
“Is this it? Is this when we leave this planet behind?”
“Almost,” Kuka said. “Enix found out where we can buy seedlings. There’s a farm in Costa Rica where we can buy both. We’ll be stopping there and then going home.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to Costa Rica for the first time and I’m not even going to get to enjoy it,” I moaned.
“Why not?” Torrek demanded. “I’ll kill anyone who prevents you from enjoying anything.”
“I’m supposed to be dead. Chances are slim, but we can’t have the cops in Alaska seeing me in Costa Rica.”
“I’ll make it happen,” Enix said. “When we get to the farm, I’ll scan for cameras and if I need to keep you off of them, I will.”
“That’s because you’re amazing. All of you are. You’re more perfect than I could have written you and that’s saying a lot because book boyfriends are hard to live up to.”
Yeah, they probably only understood half of that because I doubted they read much smut. Because smut was universal and Iknewthey had it on their planet. But they still liked that because Torrek started that rumble in his chest that he made when he was content.
