Page 60 of Gatling
“She?” I echoed, with an uptick of hope in my voice.
Noah put out his hand in a staying motion.
“According to the doctor, it’s too early to tell. But Kelsie…she said it’s a gut feeling.”
I let that sink in for a moment. A little baby girl. Would she look like a miniature version of Kelsie? With blushing pink cheeks and sparkly blue eyes when she laughed?
Or would she look like me? With a scowl permanently etched into her face?
“I always thought you would be the one to have kids,” I said. “Not me.”
“Yeah, well, I figured out a long time ago that life doesn’t go the way we planned.”
Noah shuffled his feet, brushing flecks of snow off his coat.
“You have to convince her to find someone else, Noah,” I said, my voice giving out at the end. “Someone who is not me. I’ll leave the club. I’ll disappear so she never has to see me again, and I’ll pay whatever she wants in child support.”
He frowned and shook his head.
“Kelsie has made up her mind. I’ve dictated too much of her life already. This is her decision. She wants you.”
“Come on,” I said, exasperated. “Look at me. I can’t be a dad to a little girl. I can’t be a husband.” I yanked my pistol from the waistband of my jeans. “This—this is all I know. Guns. Knives. Weapons. Warfare. Destruction. Hunting. Killing. Taking the shot and hitting my target, right between the eyes. That’s the only thing I’m good at.”
“Not true,” Noah said, surprisingly quiet.
I growled with frustration. Why was he defending me? He should hate me for what I did. He should cuss me out until he was blue in the face. Hell, he should take a swing at me.
“I can’t be the man that Kelsie needs or deserves.”
“I know,” Noah said simply.
That took the wind out of my sails. I deflated, sagging against the tree.
“Do you really think I would let you do this alone?” he added. “I’'ll be breathing down your neck. I'll be the most obnoxious little shit, pointing out everything you’re doing wrong. Giving you hell when you screw up and make a mistake. And I’ll be taking Kelsie’s side in every argument by the way, so you’re automatically outnumbered in that department.”
I blinked at him in surprise.
“You’re like a brother to me, Ryker,” Noah continued. “When I was raising Kelsie, you kept me sane. When I was sick with worry about her, I knew you were a phone call away if I needed help. You never let me down. Not once.”
I said nothing. He painted me like some saint. I didn’t deserve that kind of praise.
Noah ran a hand through his hair and pushed away from his tree, coming to stand in front of me.
“Am I pissed that you got my sister pregnant? Yes. Absolutely.”
“That’s fair,” I admitted.
“But she’s my sister and I want to see her happy. She’s looking forward to welcoming that baby into the world. And she…she loves you. I can see that.”
I pressed my lips together, swallowing around the lump in my throat.
“What if I fuck it up?” I asked, barely above a whisper. “What if I…ruin everything and break her heart? I…I poison everything I touch, Noah.”
He crouched before me, propping his forearms on his knees.
“Youwillfuck it up.”
I clenched my teeth and a hot brand burned in my belly. Noah didn’t shy away from telling the truth. Usually, I admiredthat about him. I couldn’t stand it when people passed off sugarcoated shit with saccharine-sweet platitudes as fragile as spun sugar.
