Page 23 of Border Control
My feet crunch on the gravel and then pad silently into the long grass on the well-worn path up and over the hill to the lake. Out here, under a sky studded with stars I don’t recognize, and breath curling in the early morning cold, I’m separated and alone. Nevare and Arik are always there in my mind, of course, but when they’re asleep and I’m away from their physical presence, I’m free.
Free to imagine all the ways I can fail them.
I kneel at the water’s edge, sluicing my flooded carapace with the icy lakewater. But just as the shock clears my head, Arik’s voice pushes through the bond: ‘Dom. Ilia says Nevare must scout the local area psychically. He wants it done now.’
The words strike like a blade between my plates. Not Nevare. Not again. My pulse thrums hot, rage and fear burning. I drag the pain into myself, flexing my claws. If I tear through my palms, the sting will ground me, pull me back from the edge.
Law-rah’s command threads through me. My reliance on pain for relief is forbidden. I can’t disobey. I freeze, caught between instinct and obedience, the need to hurt myself dammed up inside. The pressure churns, looking for another outlet.
And then—another pressure altogether.
Thoughts of the tiny human. Law-rah wants to see me today, during her refueling hour. Parthiastocks obey females without question, but something more dangerous flickers beneath that obedience: the desire for her to use me as she did in her imagination.
The thought surges through me, and my cock bursts from my carapace, writhing as white oil slicks across the dark water.
I snarl at myself, dragging in the cold, lowering my body temperature, willing it to go dormant again. I can’t let thoughts like this unbalance me. I have no right to dream beyond my purpose. If I were like Ilia, or, better, a True Born son, I could pour myself into one female and orbit her without shame. But I’m not. I am Parthiastock. Divided by design. If I give myself wholly to her, I fail Nevare. And I can’t fail Nevare.
My hands stir the rainbow shimmer on the lake’s surface, bitter shame twisting inside me. No female would mate with a Parthiastock, not when our focus is always divided with our duties.
Ilia’s order presses through Arik, adding to my burden. Nevare’s fragile mind always in balance, the pain I can’t use, the obedience I can’t escape.
And the forbidden craving for a female I can never have.
Every obligation stacks, heavier, until I can barely breathe beneath them.
I prepare to stabilize Nevare, shoving my dangerous urges down deep. This selfish yearning for something that isn’t mine must be removed. Giving into it could destabilize me and harm the ones I’m sworn to protect.
Law-rah said I could refuse her with no consequences. But she doesn’t understand what I am. I’m not built to disobey a female, especially not her. When the time comes, I already know.
Everything inside me will scream yes.
SEVEN
LAURA
My phone buzzingat five am is soooo not welcome this morning, but routine is an essential component to efficiency. I get up and do some yoga poses to greet the sun, except there’s no sunrise in March in the UK at 5am, so it’s just me, heavy breathing, in the dark.
I pad downstairs to put the coffee machine on. Ellen’s already there, her usually neat hair in a tousled plait.
“Morning.” She yawns. “Did you sleep well?”
“I got enough rest,” I tell her. I can deduce from her puffy lips and big cat-got-the-cream grin she got hardly any sleep at all; she got something else entirely.
She reaches for the kettle and I shudder, pointing to my espresso machine. “Want a proper coffee?”
At first she eyes it with suspicion, but then nods. “Sure, if you’re up for it. As long as it doesn’t take more than five minutes. I need my caffiene yesterday.”
“Of course.” I get to work, twisting the filter heads off, filling them with freshly ground beans from the hopper and tamping them down.
Ellen wrings out a rag while she waits, wiping down the table. “I’m going to let Ilia sleep in since he’s had it rough recently and walk over the whole farm to see what’s what. Want to come?”
“A morning ramble would be welcome, actually. First, let’s check in on Arabella.”
“Gara’s looking after her.”
I wrap my hands around my cup. It’s amazing how quickly we’ve learnt to trust these guys, but the evidence is there. Ellen’s returned unharmed, and they said they’d find Arabella and they did.
My stomach gives a little blip like a butterfly thinking of my idle daydream last night. Strange that I heard Dom loud and clear being bossy, voice brassy with an order. Mmm. I like it when a guy takes charge, curling up behind me and whispering in my ear telling me I’m a good girl. Pity that when I try to turn the tables on them, they don’t like it as much.
