Page 76 of Border Control
“He's suboptimal, but with rest he'll return to full function.” I drop my gaze. “We… we cannot allow that to happen again.”
“What exactly did happen?”
I swallow hard, searching for words to explain. “Your sudden surge of emotion drew his attention. He reacted to a perceived threat.”
“Hm. Well, that won't be a problem going forward, now that I can shield, and when we figure this out it won't be an issue ever again.”
I nod, still staring at her pointed shoes.
One starts tapping. “We'll need to continue the experiments, at least one a day once I'm off my period. We'll use the machine shed when everyone's gone to sleep.”
I lift my head. “Won't you be tired?”
She folds her arms, looking away from me. “I'll cope. We'll just have to figure this out quick.” She runs a hand through her hair. It's mussed, so unlike Law-rah as I've seen her before. Her lip paint is smudged, her eyes hollow.
It feels… intimate, to see her this way. Her true emotions on display, even if they are tiredness, irritation and grief.
But she's right. We have to do what we can to break this mind-sync between us.
Whatever the cost.
NINETEEN
DOM
I standin the center of El-len’s machine shed. Gasoline smell fills my lungs as I breathe deeply and evenly. Law-rah comes in and closes the door against the midday sun.
“Greetings, Law-rah?—”
“Strip.” She yawns. “I've got another three documents to review before lunch.”
My stomach curls. The last Earth month has slid slowly into this, an empty dance that gets more hollow with each failed attempt at understanding the mind-sync. Law-rah works long hours, returning home after sunset, worn down by the day. In my opinion, she's often too drained to take part in any activities, but it isn’t my place to question a female’s choice.
She pulls out her red lipstick but doesn't slick it on. Turning the case over and over in her fingers, she considers me. “You still haven't undressed. What's wrong? Everyone's gone for the day; Ellen's at the supermarket, and the other aliens are off fixing fences. Does Ilia suspect my cover story of ‘needing protection?’”
I shake my head.
“Then what's the matter?”
Everything. “We're no closer to discovering the key to the mind-sync, despite all our attempts.” Worse, each progressive failure plants a seed of frustration that grows, tightening into a hard knot within her chest. The more it builds, the more it blocks her, until she shuts herself up behind her shield again.
I let out a low breath. “Our initial theory was that the key to the mind-sync lay in the peak of physical pleasure.”
“Right. So let's get to it.” She snaps her dark lipstick open.
Holding my hand up forestalls her, and she halts. I say, “But even though we accomplish the physical act, it seems to… to draw you further away.”
She frowns. “Isn't that what we want, though?”
Not me.
I don't want her to be so alone.
During the day, we pursue our separate duties, crossing paths with a polite distance. When she’s not shielding, I hear her thoughts, loud and unfiltered, and I cherish them all. Law-rah meets me in the machine shed every night, guiding me, replaying the moment we first stumbled into the mind-sync, as if dissecting it could unlock it again.
But despite how the sessions leave me hollow, there’s a tinge of shame in how much I want this, how often I seek her out, how she lingers in my thoughts even when I should be focusing on Nevare and my duties. During these appointments, I'm not fully present for my Apex, leaving Arik to bear the weight alone. And even when I'm not with Law-rah, my mind is divided, restless, always drifting back to her.
Her.
