Page 90 of Border Control
DOM
The emptinessof space chills me without my brothers. Yet, it’s not as cold as what's waiting for me on Oloria.
As the solar system sun fades in the rear windows of the All-Mother’s private craft, Nevare’s faint voice says,‘Look after Shade!’
Shade? I send out my senses. The Sanitatum sits in Law-rah’s quarters, exploring underneath her bed.
‘What are they doing on board?’
‘Law-rah needs them more than I do,’Nevare says. As simple as that.‘Just like you need each other.’
‘She doesn’t need me.’She needs to be rid of me. And she will be, soon.
Both of them send a pulse of disbelief down the bond. Arik says, voice even fainter than before,‘Hurry back, Dom.’
‘You will cope,’I tell him, and myself. He has to.
‘We will be fine, of course, until your return. But… we will miss you.’
‘Every cycle,’Nevare says, his honesty searing into me like a brand.
With that simple phrase, the lie I’ve been hiding from my wave brothers as we said our goodbyes on Earth breaks free. I snatch at it, but the truth echoes down our strong bond to the clones I’ve spent most of my life with: ‘I’ll never see them again.’
‘You’ll be fine. You have to be,’Nevare says stubbornly, his voice strained with the growing distance between us.‘You said so.’
‘I’m sorry, Nevare. I lied.’Because once we land on Oloria, I’m expecting to be arrested by dutiful Parthiastocks and shot or strangled. That will break the mind sync for Law-rah and, because she’s out of range of Nevare and Arik, she shouldn’t be dragged back in again.
It’s perfect.
Cold thoughts snag mine.‘Not perfect. Don’t go!’
‘I have no choice,’I tell Nevare, gently disentangling him.‘The mind sync with Law-rah is affecting you too. I’m sorry I’m not a better Base.’
‘You’re an excellent Base! Come back! I need you.’
My hearts, what’s left of them, break.‘You have Arik. Farewell, wave brothers.’
Nevare’s protests float away, no doubt to be comforted by Arik. Without me, Arik will be under increased pressure, but my mind was becoming divided, my loyalties threatening to tear me apart.
It's better this way, for all of them. No more split loyalty. No more explosions through the mind-sync. No more choices to make. My pathway is programmed like the All-Mother’s ship, a one way trip to Oloria.
The scent of earth roses and warm spice announces Law-rah’s presence before I feel her in the mind-sync. The human slides her arm around my waist. “Thank you. I know you’re taking a huge risk for me. I'll keep you safe, don’t worry.”
An impossible promise, but the fact she wants to offer me that comfort is warming. It secures me to my pathway. This course is the correct one.
No matter how it ends for me.
Law-rah’s fingers weave between mine. “Are you alright?” With those simple words, she confirms she's my Law-rah, with me right now, in this moment. I have her whole attention, and it's both too much and not enough at the same time.
I ground myself on her touch, wishing I could brand the feel of her skin against my scales into my memory for all time. “I am.”
“I can feel you're… upset.”
“My apologies.” I lower my gaze. Her presence is a beacon next to me, the lodestone I yearn toward. She’s the only member of the mind-sync I can reach and my thoughts travel down the connection between us.
I pull them back. She doesn’t want me in her head. She made that clear—she keeps her mental borders guarded, and I must respect them.
“I can confine myself to quarters,” I offer.
