Page 6 of Letters Book Two
He was staring across the parking lot. “I quit school.” He didn’t look at me.
“You quit school? You serious?” He nodded. “And let me guess. Your mom and dad have zero clue?” He didn’t answer or look at me. “I’m right, aren’t I?” I asked, staring at an unusually sedate passenger.
He chuckled. “Oh, so now you’re the mind reader? That’s funny.”
“So, you’re not serious. It’s just a joke about school, right?”
He turned back to me, and his face became serious again. “I hate it, Perry. I hate being there. I can’t stand being in David’s restaurant either. And I hate my classes. I can’t focus because I hate my major.” He had a laundry list of dislikes. “Do I look like a lawyer to you?”
“You were going to be a lawyer?” I wasn’t sure why I found it surprising, but Chad was too otherworldly and whimsical to be a lawyer, in my humble opinion.
“My dad and grandfather are both lawyers. Dad retired early after he made a killing in tech stocks, but he has dreams for me to follow the family into law. I can’t see myself doing that. I’d be bored stiff wearing suits and shit.” He took a long look at me. “Hey, you aren’t a lawyer are you?”
I laughed. “Hell no! My brother is. I’m in finance. Can’t say I blame you though. My brother, Preston, is an uptight know-it-all. I can’t see you in that role.”
“I don’t want to face the parents just yet. I know they’ll support me, but I know they’ve also been worried. I’ve kinda been bouncing through life since David died. I feel lost... still.” He looked out his window and sighed. I always forgot that he’d suffered loss too. He was so irrepressibly happy, that it was hard to imagine he hurt too.
I reached out and rested my hand on his arm. “It’s understandable, Chad. Trust me, I get it. Sorry pair, the two of us, huh?” I patted his arm and tugged on it to get him to turn to me. He did and with damp eyes. “Sure, we can go. But you at least call your folks and let them know of the change in plans, and then I’ll be happy to take you to the beach house.”
“Deal! Let’s piss first.” He jumped out of the car, considerably more enthusiastic, and I followed him to the restrooms. We didn’t exchange any words. I came out of the men’s room after him and found him across the lot on the phone. I assumed talking with Alex and Maggie.
I reached for my cell to ask Siri to check how many miles we had to go if we switched our destination. It wasn’t in my back pocket. I felt the panic people feel when they think they’ve lost a wallet, keys, or the dreaded misplaced cell phone. I checked the driver’s side door panel space, and it wasn’t there either. I checked the console and the glove box too. I looked between both seats and my duffel bag in the trunk. I knew it wasn’t in the luggage because I’d had it back at the restaurant in Columbia.
“What you looking for?” Chad had returned. He was happier than he’d been five minutes prior.
“Can’t find my cell phone. I had it at the restaurant and now it’s gone.”
“I’d offer to help but it looked like you were searching the car pretty good while Maggie and I were speaking. Hey, let’s call it.” Chad had his phone out and since I’d given him my number at lunch, he autodialed my phone and handed it to me. It rang four times and then someone answered. I could hear road noise in the background, but no voice.
“Hi, my name is Perry and I think you may have found my phone?” I spoke as if it were a question. The male voice asked me for a description. “Yes, it’s Apple and the protective cover is clear. The back color is light blue.” Chad watched as I spoke with the asshole. “Sure, there’s a reward.” I listened as the stranger on the other end educated me on how he could get five hundred dollars for a top-of-the-line iPhone. “You can, huh? Well, I have a better idea, asswipe. Fuck you!” I clicked off and shot a glance at Chad.
“That didn’t sound good,” he said, reaching for his phone.
“One more call please. You with AT&T?” I asked. He was, so I dialed client services and shut my old phone down and ordered a new one. I gambled that we were headed to my place, based on Chad’s smile and had it shipped to the Hamptons via express shipping.
I was without a phone, but so far no one had texted or called in two days. Lucas was the only one I cared to hear from, but even he was avoiding me. How would he reach me if he wanted to? Wishful thinking on my part. He hadn’t even attempted to. I had been spoiled daily by him with sweet texts andI-love-you’s.I missed those daily exchanges, but I missed him more.
“Six hundred miles if we stay on the main roads,” Chad said, after I’d asked him to Google directions to the Hamptons. He then turned to Jack in the backseat. “It’ll only be a small detour, Jack. I just need him for a while and then we’ll get him back to his journey.”
“Is he ok with it?” I half-joked, even though I was seriously interested in the answer.
Chad gazed at me in surprise. “That’s weird, Perry. Radio silence from Jack.”
“Don’t fuck this up, Chad. I mean it, we need Jack.” The thought that I may have lost Jack’s input frightened me.You do realize he’s dead, right?
CHAPTER EIGHT: Lucas
Clint was gone when I opened my eyes. I’d set up my old cot and he slept on the couch, too afraid to leave me by myself. I figured he heard Mr. Howard opening the station and felt it was safe to leave for his own job. I felt guilty about suspecting he had ulterior motives for watching me from a distance. Clint had been a perfect gentleman when we settled in for the night. The thought of what things could have been if he was comfortable being gay ran through my mind. Clint cared enough about me to watch over me and protect me. His love was transparent and real and that was a rare thing. I didn’t want to dwell on a situation that wasn’t in the cards though. He was closeted, or worse, punishing himself for his feelings. I had an attraction to older men. We were doomed from the start. The universe could be perverse that way.
Thinking about my dinner at the Howards’house, I’d begun to see their point of view about compromise and understanding fairness in a relationship. I hadn’t been fair. I admit that. I constantly shut Perry down whenever he spoke of his life in New York. My go-to was to change the topic or divert his attention away from telling me about it. I completely disregarded his accomplishments and the world he’d created. He was nothing but kind, supportive and encouraging about how I was living independently. He praised my strengths and grit in the face of adversity.
“I wished I was half the man you are when I was nineteen,” he’d said. He was amazed that I found my way after Momma died. He knew I lived in my truck for several days before Mr. Howard discovered the fact. Him coming to my aid was probably why Perry immediately hit it off with him. If someone took care of me once, he was worth Perry’s friendship. I knew Perry respected me. He never made me feel less than, even when I thought he had on the night I came to his rescue and towed him to Beaufort.
What were my fears really about? I still hadn’t told him about Lachen and that whole fucked-up story. He would probably think it was gross how I felt about Lachen. I had blurted out that I had some money. But that was only to justify my desire to get him to stay after telling him I wanted to own my own business. Did I do that because I actually did feel inferior to him? Had I wanted him to see me as an equal? The sad truth was that I wasn’t his equal. How could I be?
Was it his fault that he had acquired all he had? Only from the standpoint that he worked hard and achieved everything he had on his own. Perry was self-made. I could respect that about him. He built an empire and a long-term relationship, only to have his dream shattered by Jack’s death. He’d already done all of those things... without me. What could I bring to a relationship?
I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to apologize for my immaturity. I stared at my phone dozens of times, trying to make the first move. Even after Clint advised me to seek him out again, I couldn’t do it. I feared I wasn’t enough. I feared he deserved better. Fear, the killer of dreams.
