Page 38 of Letters Book Two
“That simple. A lifetime of simplicity for my boy.”
“You might regret that, Mr. Jackson. I have quite the imagination.”
“I look forward to it, my love.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT: Perry
“I’ll sell one of them. Which one should we keep?” Lucas and I were sitting at the breakfast nook of our small beach cottage, trying to decide on the next steps of our love journey. He made dry toast and coffee, my favorite breakfast. The New York Times was on the counter as well. A subscription gift he’d given me. This was our temporary rental until we decided on where to live permanently. The only decision we’d made so far was that we would reside here for the coming years. He insisted that whatever we bought, he’d want to be able to contribute to the purchase. He needed to know it was his home too.
“I’m not sure I want you to sell either one, Perry. You love both of your homes. But... if I have a vote, and you’re going to sell one, maybe it could be the New York apartment?” He looked anxiously at me. I knew he was uncomfortable about these types of conversations, but he was trying very hard to be involved in this side of our relationship. I needed him to know I respected his input. “That was your full-time home with Jack. There are so many memories there for you.” He made circles on the tabletop with his nervous fingers. “I feel close to Jack too, but would it be ok if we just kept the Hamptons house for now?”
“You still think about Jack? Same dreams?” He nodded his head and looked down at his hands. He hadn’t touched his Pop-Tart.Such a boy.“He died, Lucas. Still to this day, it’s hard for me to say out loud, but sadly, he is gone.” I reached across the table for his hand. “Please don’t be sad about us moving on. I know you feel connected to him, but Jack wanted this, don’t you think?”
I watched as his eyes pooled. He had been struggling with the visions he’d had while he was unconscious. He was still having them. “It was very real to me, Perry. His warmth and love was overwhelming. I felt his love. He made sure I came back. I know it with all my heart.” A tear took a trip down his face, blemishing what I saw as perfection. “Why would he do that? Why would he show me the way back? I felt how much he loved you too. It’s hard to explain to you, but there was this pure love in his heart. For both of us. Why would he care about me too?”
“That was Jack, baby boy. It is who he was. That is what he did for people. He had this insane ability to connect with others. He cared, and when he set his mind to something, he manifested it.” I tried hard not to weep. I’d slowly gotten better at speaking about Jack. I needed to be strong for Lucas. I figured he was suffering from survivor’s guilt. “Don’t you think that he wanted you to be here for me?” I squeezed his hand. “He knew I needed you, Lucas. Jack has been here for me since his death. I think he’s been helping me all along. I didn’t believe Chad at first, but I know it’s real now. He needed you to see him and feel him so he could convince you that I wouldn’t have survived your loss.” I reached up and lifted his chin. “He had unfinished business I think.”
“How can I possibly fill his shoes? Jack is an angel, he’s... he’s... perfect.” A sob escaped him, so I quickly stood and came to his side of the table. “He loved you so much, Perry.”
I held him in my arms as he wept, gently stroking his hair. “I know that. You’re absolutely right, he did love me. I know that with every fiber in my body.” I let him cry and try to get his hiccups under control. I needed him to look at me before I said the next thing. “Hey, look at me, baby. Can you look at me for just a moment.” He nodded his head and turned his tear-soaked face to me. “Do you know how I know Jack loved me so much?” Lucas hiccupped and shook his headno. “He loved me enough that he made sure I wouldn’t be without you. That’s how much.”
“You miss him?” he asked, his face brightening slightly.
“Every day, of course, but I’m beginning to think about Jack the way people said I would one day. My grief is turning to joy over the fact that I had him in my life. Someone so incredible that he had to make sure I would be ok if he wasn’t here.” I laughed slightly, thinking of Jack and his ways. “You know I never told you this about Jack, but he was a bit of a control freak. I didn’t mind really. And now, I thank God he was.”
“I wish I’d met him.”
“You have, baby boy. You have.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE: Lucas
The line was down the street. Both lanes were full of vehicles waiting for us to flip the switch and turn the pumps on. Mrs. Howard was going to work the cash register all day and I had my crew ready for the gas lanes.
The only changes were the new coveralls that Chad insisted we purchase. The nameHoward’swas prominently stitched above each breast pocket. I wasn’t changing the name of my station. As long as I owned it, it would always be called Howard’s.
For the grand opening weekend, I was fully staffed for the extra business. I had Mrs. H in the store and four handsome guys pumping gas. I was counting myself as one of those handsome guys. At least that’s how Perry saw me. Well, actually he saw me with a few more naughty names, but handsome worked for this job.
A couple of weeks before we reopened, I had the attic apartment emptied and then professionally cleaned. I then boarded it up. The door was removed and re-sided to match the building and the exterior stairs were now gone. No one would ever set foot inside it again. Those memories were too painful, and I never wanted to visualize Mr. Howard on those steps again.
Clint, Chad, and I worked hard for weeks to get a new coat of paint on the building. We repainted the red accent color to be brighter on the trim and had new exterior signs mounted. My fuel supplier replaced my old pumps with more modern equipment at no cost. Perry had come in quite handy with his prowess regarding money and negotiating my contracts for me. He leveraged my assets to make sure I had a solid financial foundation to start my ownership. He offered to give me the money to buy Mrs. H out, but I refused. “I need to do this on my own. I’ll need you to make sure I don’t make many financial mistakes, but I want to be my own boss. Is that ok?”
He smiled broadly. “You bet it is. I’m very proud of you, Lucas. You’ve taken this dream of yours and you’re about to realize it. I couldn’t be prouder of my partner.”
Perry was a good teacher. He was wise and savvy, as well as patient. He installed profit and loss software and trained me how to input the correct information so I could better manage my business. He set me up with more modern devices in Mr. H’s old office, my new one. We loaded my computers with all the latest software, and he instructed me on how to operate it. I knew he was smart but seeing him in action when it came to business and money... Well, he was simply amazing. He was also sexy as fuck as he worked diligently in my office, a pen behind his ear, unkempt hair hanging over his smart-man glasses.God, he was sexy in glasses.I imagined Jack must have loved him in them too. I often thought of Jack and the love we shared for this man. I knew he approved.
I sat on the edge of the desk and played with Perry’s hair as he furiously typed data into my computer. “How will I ever thank you for this?” He looked up at me with kind eyes.
“You don’t need to thank me, baby, you’re my guy. Of course, I’d help you.”
He wasn’t getting my vibe. “I mean, how willIeverthank my man properly?” This time I exaggerated my voice and leaned into him, poking the tip of his nose with my fingertip.
“Oh?” He turned from the screen. “I guess I wasn’t listening properly, boy.”
“You’re too busy doing all this smart-guy stuff, Daddy. You’re so smart and your boy feels like he isn’t helping properly. I just wish there wassomethingI could do for you, is all.”
He rolled the chair back from the desk and motioned underneath it. “You’re small, aren’t ya, boy?” He stood up and stepped away, sweeping his hand in the direction of where I could assist from. “Under there please.”
“Yes, Mr. Jackson.” I crawled under the desk and sat cross-legged. He kicked his tennis shoes off and pulled his gym shorts and briefs down in one swift move, before sitting back down and moving the chair forward.
