Page 29 of Missile Tow
“Wow,” I chuckled. “Cuteandhandsome? You wanna move in with me permanently?”
As soon as I said it, I noticed his grin fade fast. I’d pushed and said what my heart felt, not what a sensible mind should’ve filtered. I was embarrassed now and walked to the fridge, opening it and leaning in.
“Are we flirting?” he said from across the room, pulling out a chair and sitting at the same table I’d witnessed my love life ending at a year before. “I seriously lack experience in these situations and tend to speak too honestly without thinking.”
“Would it be so wrong if we were flirting?” I asked, popping the cap off two beers and sitting across from him. I pushed one closer to him, hoping he’d look at me. “And I’m out of practice,” I admitted.
“Well, that’s a frickin’ lie. Like you, I have zero practice or experience, to be honest.”
We were silent, and each took a swig of the beer. He was very attractive when he was pensive. His studious look made me think he was going to choose his words more carefully from then on, which disappointed me for some reason. I’d hoped the banter would continue and we wouldn’t let caution ruin our fun.
Van cleared his throat and sat straighter in his chair. “I think you’re him,” he said. “If you think I’m nuts, then I’m okay with that, but I do.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “And who am I?”
He swallowed hard, stirring in his chair while he twisted his beer bottle in his hand. “This is where Evan would say I was insane,” he began. “Evan was my partner. He broke up with me last Christmas. Anyway, I tend to imagine life to be full of unspoken opportunities and surprises. I want to believe we can manifest wonderful things for ourselves when we are open to accepting messages from the universe. That was until my life was turned upside down.”
“And this Evan,” I began. “Was he supportive of your openness to these… um… messages?”
Van laughed dismissively. “I wish,” he replied. “He thought it was childish and unattractive for a grown man to speak of such things.”
I studied Van’s body language, wondering if he was going to dump on his ex. I’d had plenty of reasons to be pissed at John and do the same. However, my anger had faded with the nice memories I kept of him. I’d certainly imagined all the awful shit I’d say to him, given the chance I’d see him again, but still hoped Van wouldn’t be vindictive about his ex.
I waited for Van to expound on his ex’s viewpoint, wondering if he was trapped in anger or wanted revenge. What Van said next could go a long way in identifying qualities he might possess or lack.
“We got sidetracked,” I said. “Tell me why your ex would think you were childish or strange.”
“Because I can be. I think. Sometimes,” he admitted. “I guess I wasn’t enough for Evan. And frankly, why blame him for choosing a different path? He has the right to be happy just like I do.”
“You have a refreshing attitude,” I complimented. “I, for one, admire your ability to share what you believe without giving a shit how others might judge you.”
“I’ve decided to live the way I want to now. And I’m hoping someone can appreciate the dreamer side of me,” he said. “But I won’t lie. Being replaced hurt. So after a yearlong pity party, I made the decision to shake up my life. I needed a change after my confidence was shattered.”
Van was direct. I liked direct as far as people went. Other than hurting him, he didn’t make excuses or blame his ex. I could totally relate to the feeling.
“So, you claimed a moment ago that I was him. Are you comparing me to this Evan person?”
“Oh god, no!” he exclaimed. “I meant I recently received a message to make a change in my circumstances. The message was clear. If I wanted change, I had to take steps to allow myselftochange.” He looked around the kitchen. “And this is where I took that message.”
“You took it here?” He nodded. “To Missile, or to this cabin?” I pushed.
He stood and moved to the sink, looking out the back window into the darkness. “This will sound shallow,” he began. “I combined a job search with a man search.” He turned to face me. “I think you’re the man I was supposed to meet.”
A couple of hours prior to this moment, I was throwing caution to the wind. What would it hurt to flirt with the attractive stranger? If we had fun and wound up in bed, so be it. He was hot, and I was horny. What I hadn’t planned on was a statement like he’d just delivered. My face must’ve given my alarm away.
“Wow. That is certainly a lot,” I said, grabbing my beer and reassessing the situation. His revelation found me wondering if I may have invited a crazy person into my home.
He studied me closely while I stared at him. Even after doing my best to act nonplussed, I recognized he saw my reluctance to buy in. “You think I’m nuts, don’t you?”
“No. Of course not,” I reassured. “For one, I’d never refer to someone as nuts. At least not to their face,” I joked.
My lame attempt at a joke landed poorly. His happy-go-lucky expression suddenly disappeared, replaced by the look of someone experiencing a familiar hurt. I think his sharing his inner thoughts and beliefs with a total stranger became real after he spoke them. Perhaps he assumed I thought he was a bit off, like his ex-partner believed him to be.
Whatever the assumptions, we were now in a very uncomfortable situation. There was a huge storm outside, and he’d just revealed a belief I found unusual and premature. The sad thing was that a few minutes before that, I was willing to flirt and throw caution to the wind because he was hot, and I was pretending to be open to making a change myself. When in fact, I was as hurt and lost as he seemed to be.
Candidly, I was slightly unnerved by his disclosure. I didn’t know this guy, and could be stuck with him for a day or even a week. I stood and made my way to the fireplace. I felt his eyes burning through my back even if I couldn’t see him. After tossing more wood on the fire, I turned to face him, trying hard to come up with something to salvage the evening.
Van spoke before I could form words. “Sorry,” he said, sounding distant. “May I shower and borrow something to sleep in?”
