Page 55 of Missile Tow
“Probably,” I confessed, backing up and coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “Yes. Yes, I was.”
“Why?”
“Because he’ll come back to Missile,” I whispered, tearing up. I gestured around the room, absorbing everything I’d come to love about his home. “And then how I feel about all of this is for naught.”
By that point, I accepted the cry lodged in my throat and let it out. I sat back on the edge of the bed. My head fell forward, and my shoulders heaved as I let fear and regret speak through my tears.
Chip quickly moved in front of me, dropping to his knees. “Hey now, baby. Shhhh,” he soothed, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. “Listen to me, Van.”
I couldn’t look him in the eye, embarrassment at my junior-high level behavior overcoming me. My insecurities had come to the forefront yet again. Regardless of how composed, with aso-callednew attitude, I professed to be, I couldn’t escape my self-doubt.
Chip lifted my chin and wiped the corners of my eyes. “Scary, isn’t it?” he whispered, kissing my nose like he often did. The sweet gesture was so endearing and always captured my heart.
“Mm-hmm,” I mumbled, letting the waterworks wash over me.
“Voicing our fears out loud takes courage,” he explained.
The speed with which he’d gone from disappointed in me to caring certified my feelings. This man was in touch with his emotional state. He cared about other people. He looked past his hurt feelings a moment ago and had the capacity to quickly focuson mine. To say I was unaccustomed to such treatment would be the world’s largest misstatement.
“As usual, I’m putting up roadblocks,” I acknowledged, swiping my nose. “John will come back here and realize what a mistake he made. Why wouldn’t he?” I asked, hiccupping a cry like a five-year-old might.
“And guess what?” he asked, lifting my chin once again and waiting for me to focus on him. “I’m certain you’ll leave Missile. Why wouldn’t you?”
I saw what he did there and wanted to laugh, but the fear I’d verbalized was all too real, and this wasn’t a joking matter. “I wouldn’t because you’re here,” I admitted. “And because I think I’m in love with you.”
His eyes widened. “You think?” he teased, smiling and joining me in the waterworks. “Or you’re willing to wait around a little longer to see if youhavefallen in love with me?”
Ever the one to need a million guarantees no one could provide me, I had another question. “What if John does come back?”
Chip didn’t seem disappointed by my query. After years of ridicule for being insecure, I appreciated not being judged. A corner of his mouth pinched while he appeared to be seriously considering my question.
“I’m going to address your fear the best way I can,” he began, pausing for a moment and pinching the bridge of his nose. “To be honest, I spent months wishing he would. I hoped whoever he dumped me for would end up a disastrous choice, and he’d come running back to me. You telling me he gave you the impression he’d made an error leaving me made me feel good,” he admitted, pausing. “For about a second.”
“It did?” I asked, distress clear in my voice.
Chip nodded, motioning to the window. “That’s why I hopped out of bed and went to the window. I needed a momentto compose myself. I felt happy about the possibility that what you’d said was true, and I needed a minute to digest your news. Trust me, I’m only human, Van. However, the emotion that really came through was us facing these fears head-on. Speaking them out loud to one another.”
“I’m not as together as I’d like you to think,” I revealed. “In fact, I accept I can be needier than I wish to be.”
“So, you realize you may need assurances during your relationships?” he asked. I nodded. “Assurances such as constant I love yous, help creating a team, or having a supportive ear to listen to your fears? I think I’m good at that stuff.”
“What can I be good at?” I asked, losing every instinct to resist my feelings for him.
“How about the same stuff?”
Chip leaned forward, held the sides of my face, and gently placed his lips on mine. After a chaste kiss, he pulled back, gazing into my eyes and grinning mischievously.
“I’ll try my hardest,” I whispered.
“I know you will.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: Chip
Van’s hands were on his hips, head slowly shaking back and forth. “And what do we have here, mister?” he questioned, pointing at the latest decoration and chuckling.
“You said the tow truck would look good in front of the mercantile, didn’t you?”
“I make a Walmart run, and this is what you do while I’m gone?” he asked, setting the bags he held onto the frozen concrete drive and walking toward me.
