Page 74 of Missile Tow
I returned to my back and stared at the ceiling. The moment felt monumental. Perhaps this was the end. My insecurities had forecasted that the first fight would wreck us. After only two weeks, we had no foundation, no real history, and a disagreement this early could doom us.
“I needed your support,” he spoke, pain lacing his tremoring voice. “That man hurt me so badly, Van. And here you are inviting him into our home.”
He was right. Wouldn’t any person madly in love with their new man come to their defense? I’d abandoned him during an awful moment in his life. A moment that came so early on in our relationship.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t turn my back on someone in that much pain,” I confessed.
“Yet, you turned your back on me?”
“That wasn’t my intention,” I defended. “Of course, to you, it probably seems that way. But I’m showing John compassionbecause I hoped a caring approach could establish how things will be with all of us living in Missile.”
“I won’t be friends with him.”
“And that’s your right.”
Chip rolled onto his back but didn’t speak. The silence was deafening, but I understood he needed time to wrap his mind around what he considered my betrayal. I’d apologized, and I hoped he’d accept it.
“I wanted to tell him to fuck off,” Chip grumbled. “Toss him on his ass into the snow.”
“But you didn’t.”
Another minute went by. “But I’m just saying I wanted to.”
“But you didn’t,” I repeated.
Chip stood from the bed and wandered to the window, parting two aluminum slats of the blinds. A thin strip of moonlight outlined his broad back, and his chiseled ass had a crisscross of shadow and light on the diagonal. His physique took my breath away.
He turned to face me. My eyes had long ago adjusted, enabling me to clearly see his face in the dimness. “You’re gonna be like this all the time, aren’t you?”
I sat up. “Probably. But I can try to be what you’d like if you’d love me more. But I did that with Evan.”
Chip ran his hand over his head, puffing out his cheeks before exhaling. “As much as tonight hurts, I love who you are, Van. I’m just telling you that I needed you tonight. It feels like I was let down.”
I got out of bed and stood in front of him, laying my hand on his chest. “And I feel if I didn’t have the strength to set an example of who we truly are, that would have let you down,” I explained. “We have a duty to support each other. I get that. But support can also be saving each other from doing something we’ll regret later.”
“Regret?John didn’t reach out to me one single time after he ditched my ass,” he argued. “Now he fuckin’ shows up here unannounced, expecting a place to stay? In what fuckin’ universe does that happen?”
I placed my finger on his lips, urging him to lower his voice. “That happens in the same universe that sent me to you.”
Chip focused on me intently. Whether he was pissed or understood me was difficult to decipher. “I’m still struggling to get over the hurt,” he acknowledged. “I thought I was doing well. You know, life is great and all that crap. But I’m not. I’m angry, Van. I’m really fuckin’ pissed off.”
“And that’s understandable.”
Chip brushed my hand aside and turned toward the window again, his back to me. “He… he… I mean… fuck! How can he just show up here?”
“Imagine the strength that took,” I countered.
He spun around. “The strength? How about the fuckin’ nerve?”
“Come on, baby,” I advised. “Could you have done that?”
“Jesus, Van! Listen to you. For starters, I wouldn’t have pulled shit like that. That’s a bullshit move, and you know it.”
I backed away and sat on the edge of the bed, letting him glare at me with all the confusion and pain he could muster. I had a point I wanted to make, and deep down, I knew he had the ability to come around to what I saw as the truth.
“Did you love John once?”
“No!” he snapped. I tilted my head and gave him my bestcut-the-craplook. “Yes, of course,” he caved. “Obviously, more than he loved me.”
