Page 18 of Ashley
I want to see for myself.
Her heart sped up at the text. He wanted to see her again.
When?
Dinner tonight? My treat.
Ashley's fingers flew, and before she knew what she was doing, her response sat blinking up at her.
What time? I'm done for the day at 5.
That's perfect. We can look around your neighborhood. Just tell me where to meet you.
Okay. See you soon.
Ashley shoved her phone into her pocket, and it buzzed in what she guessed was James bidding her farewell, but she didn't trust herself to check it again. She knew herself. Knew that she was so nervous about being alone with James again that she was on the edge of backing out of the date.
"Stop playing it safe," she told herself, snatching her water bottle back up and grabbing a sandwich from the nearby spread. Seeing James was something Ashley wanted. There was no question about it, but what that meant for stepping out of her comfort zone was huge. She was absolutely out of her depth with him and the power dynamic that existed between them. He could be a good teacher. Natasha had said as much, but that didn't mean she wasn't nervous to enter into a more permanent arrangement with the man.
"But what if you didn't have to?" She leaned against a wall and fiddled with the water bottle in her hands. Just because Natasha thought James might want something more, didn't mean that there had to be, at least not truly. Why couldn't she learn but, also, keep herself safe? There had to be a middle ground for her to explore, didn't there?"
"What are you doing muttering to yourself?" Natasha asked, appearing at her elbow with her own lunch in hand.
"Thinking," Ashley sighed, letting her head fall back against the wall with a thud.
"About?"
"James."
Natasha hummed. "Thought as much. What's going on?"
Ashley looked to the side at her friend. "He's taking me to dinner after we're done for the day," she said.
Natasha smiled. "That's wonderful news."
"Is it?" Ashley asked. "Because it feels like I don't know what I want."
"What do you mean?" Natasha joined her in leaning against the wall and was silent for a moment waiting for Ashley to speak, but when she didn't, Natasha nudged her friend. "Come on; let it out."
"I want him, but I also don't want him," Ashley admitted. "I want him because he's gorgeous and just woke something up in me that I've never felt and I forget everything when I'm with him, but I-I can't trust him. I'm scared he's going to disappear again or that maybe he's going to wake up and realize he doesn't want this." She waved a hand at her body then huffed out a bitter laugh. "I feel like an insecure pre-teen and it sucks, Tash."
Natasha's hand landed on her arm, and she rubbed it comfortingly. "He's not going to not want you. You're beautiful."
"Not enough to be a dancer."
The redhead sighed and looked around the room filled with dancers in possession of the lithe body-types Ashley had worked so hard to achieve but had never been able to. "It's not like that with James."
"I know that logically, but being back here and working on the production is scary because this is my show, and then there's James and he's scary because I want something with him so badly. It's just all," she waved her hands with a frustrated groan, "it's snowballing, and I feel out of control. And I-I just want some middle ground with him."
"Meaning?" Natasha pressed, but her friend's voice was gentle.
"Meaning that I'm not willing to be in a relationship with James, but I am willing to enter into a sort of…" She bit her lip and searched for the words before saying, "…learning arrangement?"
"You want him to teach you, then."
Ashley nodded quickly and then blushed. "Yes, very much. We have a good connection in terms of chemistry, and I feel comfortable with him, but I want to guard my heart. I don't want to fall for him."
Natasha sipped her drink and turned away to face the busy hall. "That's not a bad idea, actually."
