Page 30 of Fated Midlife Christmas
That only left him feeling more confused. “I see. So you were hoping for a bad boy?” he joked, hoping that a little humor might serve as a hammer against this wall that was standing between them.
“Goddess, no.” She paused as a car backed out in front of them, not speaking again until it’d turned around and was on its way out of the parking lot. “You’re everything I could ever want, Lars. The problem isn’t you at all. It’s me.”
He waited, desperately wanting to pull the information out of her. Patience was better, considering she hadn’t been eager to start this conversation with him, but it was difficult. “Soyouwant to be the bad boy?” he joked again.
That at least elicited a laugh from her. “I guess I have to add a sense of humor to your list of good attributes.”
“If you like.” Lars flipped his hand in the air.
She took another deep breath, steeling herself. “All right. I don’t really want to talk about any of this, but it only seems right to tell you. I had a long-distance relationship several years ago. We were both in Salem to begin with, and everything was great. We knew we weren’t mates, but it was working well enough that when his job transferred him to Chicago, we decided we’d stay together.”
But that was someone else! It wasn’t us!His bear was already arguing with him and with her. Lars tugged at the collar of his coat, trying to calm down.
“I put a lot of work into that relationship,” Amanda continued. They’d reached her car by now, and she leaned against the driver’s door as she went on with her tale. “I stayed up late or got up early to accommodate his schedule and make sure that we still had time on the phone. I sent him care packages. We said we’d take turns flying back and forth, but many times, he said his work schedule just wouldn’t allow it. So then I’d get my ass on a plane and fly out there, sacrificing my own time for the travel so we could still have some nights together.”
Lars didn’t know this man that she spoke of, but he put himself in his place. He couldn’t imagine not wanting to put the same amount of effort in that she had, if not more.
She fiddled with her keys. “It was getting harder and harder, and one day, I decided I’d just hop on a plane and go see him. It’d be a big surprise, and we’d have a romantic weekendtogether. I was really excited about it, especially because I had some important news I wanted to share with him in person.”
Amanda leaned her head back and closed her eyes, looking thoroughly annoyed with herself. “He wasn’t supposed to be home yet, so I let myself into his apartment. Dalewashome, and he wasn’t alone. I caught him in bed with another woman.”
The storm that raged inside his heart swirled more violently, angry on Amanda’s behalf for the betrayal.
“He made some excuses and tried to say it was a one-time thing. That pissed off the girl he was with, who was still standing there trying to get her clothes on. She told me they’d been sleeping together for months, and that she had no idea I existed.” Her eyes were still closed, and her brow furrowed.
“What was the news you wanted to share with him?” he dared to ask.
She opened her eyes and met his gaze evenly. “I was going to sell my practice and leave my coven to move to Chicago. How stupid was that?”
“Trusting,” he corrected. “Generous. Not stupid.”
“I’m not sure I can agree with you.” She pushed herself off the side of the car. “I don’t think I can survive that kind of hurt again, Lars. I’m not saying you’d do the same thing that Dale did, but even without the betrayal, I know how difficult it’d be for us to carry on any kind of relationship. We’re talking a much bigger distance, too.”
“I’d like to try,” he told her. Lars would be willing to do almost anything she asked, as long as it was in his power. He felt her pain and sorrow as she told her story, and he wanted nothing more than to heal it.
“Before, it was just a guy. You’re my fated mate. As much as it’s going to suck when you have to go back home, it would be unbearable to know that we’d ruined things between each other. I just…I just can’t handle it. That’s why I think we shouldstop seeing each other. Maybe it’ll hurt a little less when you get on that plane.” Tears glistened in her dark eyes, and her lips trembled.
She was guarding her heart, and he couldn’t blame her, given the circumstances. Lars wanted to remind her that their bond was exactly what could make it work for them, even if it didn’t work with someone else. He wanted to promise her that they’d find a way. But all the logic and promises in the world weren’t going to change the way Amanda felt in her heart. Now he understood the wall between them. It wasn’t just the physical distance between their homes; it was her pain.
“I get it,” he said quietly, his fingers brushing the backs of hers.
Amanda leaned into him, her cheek resting on his chest. Her lungs heaved. She wasn’t yet crying, but the emotions were taking their toll on her body. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“It’s all right.” He stroked her hair, savoring the feel of every single strand and knowing this might very well be the last time he ever got to hold her like this. Lars brushed his lips against the top of her head as her pain swelled into him, moving through his body and his soul.
12
“Woo!It’s really starting to get chilly out there!” Kristy exclaimed as she unwound her scarf and hung it on the rack by the front door. “It’s just enough to make me think about moving to a warmer climate.”
“You’re moving?” Arden exclaimed. He’d changed out of his reindeer costume, but he was still wearing the antlers.
“No way! Then I wouldn’t be around to see you star in your next play!” She laughed as he went trotting off into the living room, and then she turned to Amanda. “Besides, I can’t actually imagine living somewhere else. Hey, are you okay?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. Perfectly fine. I’m just a little tired.” Amanda pasted a smile on her face. “Long day.”
As the rest of the other witches filed into the covenstead, all exclaiming over the play and discussing further holiday plans, Kristy looked around. “Where did Lars go? When he said he was going to walk you to your car, I thought we might not see either one of you tonight.” She waggled her eyebrows.
Amanda’s heart tripped, but she’d prepared herself for this in the car on the way back. “He wanted to get back to check on the Alexanders. He’s been doing a lot to take care of them, and hefelt a little bad about leaving them to come to the play.” At least it was the truth, even if it wasn’t all of it.
