Page 43 of Fated Midlife Christmas
“You don’t look like you’re having a good time,” he murmured, ensuring that no one else could hear. “I’m concerned that it’s my fault.”
“No,” she said instantly. “I mean, you’re right. I’m just not feeling it this year. It’s not because of you, though.”
“No?” he asked, his brows raising and deepening the natural creases in his forehead.
Why did he have to be so handsome? That made everything more complicated.
“Dinner is ready!” Maeve called.
As the mass exodus for the dining room began, Amanda put her hand on Lars’s arm to keep him there by the banister. “While I have the chance, I wanted to thank you.”
“I thought we’d heard more than enough thanks today,” he quipped.
“Yes, you’re right,” she admitted with a smile. “I thought Lorelei was going to fall all over herself just trying to let us know how much we’re appreciated.
And why did she have to make that point about them being a cute couple?
“But I really do want to thank you for inviting me to come and help you. You’ve shown me that there’s a whole other level of energy healing, something that I want to learn even more about. I’ve been so focused on what I already do in my practice that I was missing the chance to elevate it.” Amanda wasn’t sure yet of exactly how things would change, but she knew they would. Now that she’d had a taste of it, there was no going back.
“But you’re a natural,” he insisted. “I didn’t do anything but help you unlock what was already there.”
He had that effect on her, didn’t he?
“I also wanted to thank you for coming to help so quickly when we found out what Corinna had done,” she added. “You were the first person that I thought of, the person I knew could make the biggest difference. But I’d already pushed you away, and I knew there was a chance you might not come.”
“No, there wasn’t.” He covered her hand where it still lay on his arm. “You told me what you truly felt, Amanda. I can’t say that it didn’t hurt. There’s something beyond pain when you find out that you can’t be with your mate.”
She hung her head, feeling guilty all over again.
With his free hand, he lifted her chin. “But if you called or sent a message, I would come for you, no matter what I was doing or what time of day it was. No matter if we were together or had chosen different paths. It doesn’t make any difference to me, because you’re my mate.”
Amanda looked at him, incredulous that he could still feel that way after how she’d treated him. “But I told you that we can’t be together.”
“I know, and I heard you.” Lars picked up her hand now. He kissed the backs of each of her fingers before he rested her hand on his chest, still keeping his over it. “I understand. But I can’t help the way that I feel about you, Amanda. I can only hope that someday, the two of us can find a way to make it work.”
Everyone had left the living room by now, but Amanda was in no rush to follow them. “So you still believe in us?”
“With every fiber of my being,” he asserted. “I have waited this long to find you. If I have to wait a little longer, then so be it. I won’t like it, of course. I want you by my side, all the time.”
Emotions overwhelmed her. She’d spent a long time believing that she wasn’t worthy of love, that relationships were something performative that had to be rehearsed over and over again. Dale had tossed her to the side without much more than an apology, unconcerned that he’d broken her heart.
But here was a man who hadn’t even left yet and already was swearing he’d wait for her. Could she believe that? “It’ll be different when you get home and we’re so far apart. There will be other women?—”
“No.” His eyes were icy and fierce as he wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her to him. “No, Amanda. I would never feel right about that, not now that I know about you.”
Her lips moved as she sought the correct reply, but no words would come.
“You’ve been hurt. Some jerk mistreated you, and since it’s the holiday season, I won’t tell you all the ways I’d like to pay him back for that. It angers me that anyone could treat you like that, especially when his actions make it that much harder for the two of us to be together.”
His words pierced her like a cold dagger. Lars was right. Her heartache was the equivalent of bringing Dale into any future relationships she tried to have. Those knots in her chakras burned like fire, deep knots that she’d been carrying around for a long time. The blockages had been triggered by her old insecurities. If there was ever a time to let them go, it was now.
“I love you, Amanda.” Lars’s voice was firm and strong now, and his eyes had softened.
One last wave of pain moved through her, and she let out a harsh breath as it dissipated. Amanda leaned into him, blinking as she checked her energy levels. She was all right. She was actually all right.
“I truly do love you,” he repeated. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you know that.”
Amanda reached up and touched his face, running her fingertips over his cheek and jaw. She soaked in every last bit of him, from the little flecks of sea blue in his eyes to the shape of his lips. “You already have. I love you too, Lars. I just wish we had more time together.” She still had no idea how they could make such an impossible situation work out, but she felt she had a new perspective that might give her some better ideas.
