Page 43 of Lucky Boys
His lips twitched. “True.” Luca sat down next to me and dipped his bare feet into the water. He was wearing a pair of blue ombré swim shorts and a navy-blue T-shirt. It was weird seeing him in something so . . . basic. I almost wouldn’t have been surprised if he swam in a tux.
Luca sighed heavily, and I braced myself. Whatever he was going to talk about wouldn’t be fun. Finally, he turned his head, looking me directly in the eyes. “Brooks, I’m sorry.”
I sucked in a breath, but I wasn’t going to be fooled yet. Fucker had been saying sorry for all types of shit lately, but not about anything that really mattered.
“For what?” I finally mustered up the courage to ask when he didn’t elaborate.
Luca pursed his lips. He looked uncomfortable, which was weird on him. Part of me liked that I unsettled him so much, and the other part wanted to know what I could do to fix it.
“What you told me the other day, in the kitchen, it hit me hard. From the moment I walked out of your room all those years ago, I told myself I was doing the right thing. And since you never reached back out and Skye told me you were back in the scene, I convinced myself I was right. You were too young, too innocent. Not to mention Emma and Dave’s kid. I had no business touching you in any way, let alone doing the stuff wedid that night. Even as you slept peacefully at my side, the guilt was eating away at me. I felt like a fucking monster, and that was before I knew you were a virgin.”
I tilted my head, looking at him. This was the first time Luca was trying to explain his actions to me, and I couldn’t even begin to express how much I appreciated that. Even if they made no fucking sense, I would listen and try to understand it from his perspective.
“I don’t understand why you felt like that,” I told him honestly. “I very enthusiastically consented. Never once did I feel like you were forcing me or doing something I didn’t want. I felt safe, Luc. Cared for.”
He swallowed, his jaw tight. “I’m 20 years older than you, Brooks.”
I scoffed. “Eighteen. And that’s a bullshit excuse and you know it. Skye isn’t that much older than me, and he was probably around 21, 22 when you guys hooked up. Why were you a monster for fucking me, but it was okay for Skye? 12 years is an appropriate age gap, but 18 is too much?”
Alright, maybe I was being a little snarky, but it was hard to stop when he’d tried to use a dumb ass excuse like that.
Even Luca smiled a little. “Smartass.”
I shrugged, unapologetic. “Unless that’s the reason you walked away, I need you to keep talking, please. You started this off with an apology, but I have yet to hear what you were apologizing for.”
Luca cleared his throat and shook his head. “You’re right. And no, I didn’t walk away because you’re a fucking smartass. I love that about you.”
I tried not to do a little happy dance when Luca used the L word about anything to do with me. I really did. I had no idea if I succeeded.
“And you’re also right that the age difference never seemed like a big deal when it came to Skye. I don’t have a good answer for you as to why. Maybe because I didn’t know him as a kid? I don’t consider his parents my good friends? I wish I had a better answer for you than I do. All I know is for once in my life, I lost control. I let my wants take over and put them ahead of everything. I . . . lost control, Brooks. I should’ve said no to you. I told myself I’d just give you the knife and leave. Put distance between us. But one look at those pretty blue eyes shining with mischief and I was a fucking goner. No one, not Mav, Skye, no one, has ever made me feel so . . . out of my depth like you did. I-I just couldn’t. It’s a terrible answer, and you deserve better. But it’s the truth. I knew you’d be my biggest weakness if I didn’t leave then. That I’d never be able to think clearly when it came to you if I didn’t walk away. I used the excuse of the age gap and your parents, and sure, that factored in, but it was all you, Brooks. Even after one night together, I knew I’d burn down whole cities, overturn governments, destroy everyone who even looked at you sideways, and it scared the fuck out of me. I can’t be that person, so I told you it was a mistake and left. But the only mistake was walking away that night.”
I—Brooklyn Brighton Foster—was fucking speechless and thoughtless. Like, there were no thoughts in my head. I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t have five million different things running through my mind at one time. Subspace quieted it some, but not like this. I was just blank. A lump of clay. Putty. Whatever the fuck the saying was. Luca had somehow successfully shut my brain up. My mouth opened like it wanted to say something, was sure it should say something. But words required thoughts, and that wasn’t fucking happening anytime soon. I stared . . . opening and closing my mouth like a damn fish.
Thankfully, Luca just kept talking. “That’s not even what I want to apologize for. I messed up, and I’ll gladly spend the rest of my life repenting for that, but hindsight is 20/20 and you deserve so much more than the words ‘I’m sorry’ for that night. It would cheapen how special it was. Because despite what I said, it wasn’t a mistake.”
Luca’s shoulders heaved. He pulled his feet out of the water and came to kneel on the hard ground in front of me. He didn’t touch me, but he was so fucking close I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. All I had to do was reach out . . . So close . . .
“I need to apologize for ignoring you since you opened up to me. It really rocked me, what you told me, but it’s no excuse. I was being a coward. I was hiding behind work, watching in secret while Mav, Skye, and Diego took care of you when all I wanted was to be there too. I was too wrapped up in my own issues and in my head to speak to you like I should have, and for that, I’m sorry.” A little, needy whine escaped my lips. It was so embarrassing and so inappropriate, but I couldn’t stop it. Not when Luca was—finally—saying the fucking words I’d needed him to all this time.
“I don’t know what happens next. I can’t promise I’m never going to freak out again. With Skye and Maverick, everything just comes so easily. It wasn’t even a conscious decision to love them. It just happened. We just fit. I love both of them, and I would kill or die for either of them in a heartbeat, but there’s still a rationality there when I think about them. If anything happened to you, the word rational wouldn’t even be in my vocabulary, trouble—fuck, sorry, Brooks.”
I broke. I broke like a fucking dam. Were there still so many fucking things we had to work through? Absolutely. But I was positive I’d die right this second if I didn’t get my hands on this man.
“You can call me trouble,” I told Luca, and then covered the small bit of distance between us, throwing myself at him with enough force that he fell on his ass with an oomph.
Luca’s arms tightened around me, securing me in his grip, and it felt so fucking right. We had a long way to go, but I could already feel the pieces slotting together and settling into something cohesive. Just a little bit of work and it could be something wonderful.
“I’d really like to kiss you now,” Luca told me, his voice husky.
I tilted my head up and pursed my lips, offering them up. “So do it.”
Maybe there was more challenge in my tone than I meant, because something dark flashed in Luca’s eyes and before I could even take a breath, he had us flipped so I was on my back, my head hanging over the pool and his body heavy on top of me. His fingers threaded through my hair, keeping my head exactly where he wanted it. The heat in his eyes threatening to melt me more than the summer sun.
“So fucking dangerous, trouble.”
Then his lips were on mine. Me being thought-free before? Well, compared to this, I’d been in a full ADHD overstimulated meltdown. Luca’s kiss was all-consuming, dominating me in every way, and I let it. All I could manage was to hang on for dear life as Luca took everything he wanted, and then probably some more from me. I was so thankful his hand was keeping my head up, because I doubted I had the strength to hold it on my own, and I’d end up drowning just when Luca had finally figured his shit out. Though, what a way to go.
Because holy fucking damn, my memories of Luca’s mouth hadn’t done him justice. Even when he’d kissed me in the kitchen a few days ago, it was fucking nothing on this. Luca was claiming me, and I just lay there basking in every moment.
