Page 45 of Lucky Boys
I had a complicated relationship with sex and probably always would. I never had much of an interest in it. When other boys my age had talked about all the girls in our class and snuck Pornhub when their parents weren’t watching, I just hadn’t cared. It didn’t do anything for me.
Most of the time I was in foster care I was too young to worry about it, and by the time I was old enough that some of the other kids started having crushes, well, I was just worried about surviving. When Mom and Dad had taken me in, I’d eventually felt comfortable enough to talk to Mom about it. First, she’d asked me if maybe it was because it wasn’t girls I was interested in. When I’d told her a few weeks later I felt the same about boys,she’d done some research, and I’d been introduced to the term asexual.
I’d been pretty sure of my identity ever since. My family had never judged me for it. With how sexual Brooks was, he still went out of his way to never say or do anything that made me uncomfortable. In fact, he’d gone so out of his way that I’d had to tell him I didn’t mind as long as he didn’t try to get me to do anything. Things had been smoother since then.
That was, until I’d come face-to-face with my brother and the one man he’d been hung up on for most of his adult life. It was my reaction that scared me, not what Brooks was doing. I was happy for him. Thrilled even. I would absolutely be having a chat with Luca at some point, but I’d always had a feeling it would end just like this. Not with an orgasm by the pool while his brother and Luca’s boyfriends watched, but with them back together. Luca and Brooks were inevitable.
What scared me was that I’denjoyedwatching it. More than that. It had turned me on. Even now, after my run back inside and the panic vibrating through my whole body, I was still halfway hard. From watching Brooks. My brother. And sure, we weren’t related by blood, but I’d never distinguished between that before, so it felt dirty to do it now.
I couldn’t remember the last time something had turned me on. Had anything? Certainly not like that. Fuck, what was wrong with me?
Asexuality, like everything else, was a spectrum. I got that. I understood that. I’d had more than enough awkward talks with my mom about how anything I felt was valid and how I wasn’t any less ace if I did have consensual sex or felt attraction or anything else. Still, it had never happened.
And now, my own fucking brother was making me horny. No. It wasn’t Brooks exactly, or not only him. It was watching him and Luca together. Not the sex part. I’d tried to watch pornbefore and it hadn’t done a damn thing for me. It was seeing their connection. The way they both looked at each other, how Brooks fucking melted under Luca’s touch. It was even seeing Skye and Maverick and how they reacted to the two men. I couldn’t quite grasp their relationship until I’d seen that. Then I’d understood. Their connection was strong, and their love was big enough to include more than one person.
For the first time, I felt longing. I didn’t want to be on the outside anymore. I wanted someone to look at me the way Skye and Maverick had looked at Luca and Brooks, the way they’d looked at each other.
It scared the ever living fuck out of me. That wasn’t me. I didn’t do relationships, and I sure as fuck didn’t do sex. Even now, with the urge to grab my dick and get some relief stronger than ever, the thought of anyone caressing me like that had my stomach on the verge of revolting. Nope. Just . . . no. Even all these years later, simple, innocent touches had my skin crawling. Brooks was the only one I tolerated, and even with him, I had my limits.
I tried to imagine Brooks touching me the way Luca had been touching him and my blood turned to ice. The other way around wasn’t much better. Being on top, the one in control, was almost worse than the other way around. What if I was like the monster from my past and I just didn’t know it because I never allowed myself to be in that situation? I would rather die than ever be likehim.
Watching, though . . .
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I was not about to have my sexual awakening from my brother. I wasn’t in a damn romance novel.
A soft knock on the door had me jumping and spinning away from the monitors.
“Diego?” A soft voice came from the other side of the door. The only one besides Brooks’s that had me feeling any sort of way. “Can I come in?”
My heart did this ridiculous, fluttery thing that it had never done once in my whole life. But it seemed like today was the day for odd reactions, and honestly, Wesley Hayes had been bringing those out in me since day one.
“Yeah, hang on!” I yelled, my voice an octave higher than necessary. I bounced to my feet, smoothing out my hair. Quickly glancing down, I saw my little problem from earlier had gone away and I wasn’t sporting an embarrassing hard-on. My shirt had a stain on it from when I’d spilled ketchup on it earlier, but there was nothing I could do about it now, aside from going shirtless, which was Brooks’s thing, not mine.
I hurried to the door, taking a deep breath and hoping for casual as I opened it.
I hadn’t seen Wes since the meeting Luca had called the day after we’d come to stay here. But we’d been talking every day. It had started with him texting me to see how I was doing. But then, I’d seen a meme about SEALS that had reminded me of him so I’d sent it. Then, Wes had come back with a meme about hackers. I’d texted back that I was impressed he was able to find it at his age, and after some false offense and good-natured ribbing, he’d admitted that Riley had helped.
It had escalated from there. We’d talked about our favorite foods, favorite movies. I’d educated him onThe House of The Dragon, because he had never seen that orGame of Thrones, which was a tragedy all on its own, and then we’d watched the first episode together over FaceTime. He’d sent me pictures of the food he had been cooking, and I’d replied with recipes that my mom had taught me when I’d first started living at their house and had been struggling a lot.
I’d found myself checking my phone constantly for messages and getting upset if there weren’t any. I barely knew the guy, yet I missed him if he didn’t check up on me after a few hours. What kind of wild bullshit was that?
It terrified me, and I should probably keep him out of my personal space, but instead of turning Wes away, I opened the door and happily let him in. It was strange, but I wanted him to see my workspace. Sure, it wasn’t the one in my own home, but Luca hadn’t lied when he’d said he’d let me transform the space how I wanted it, and I was really starting to feel comfortable here. If I was being honest, the layout was even better than the bedroom turned office I had at home, but I wasn’t about to share that information any time soon.
“Hi!” I said way too brightly. What the hell was that about? I wasn’t an excitable person. I didn’t get happy to see people. This house was messing with my head.
Wes smiled at me, and that fluttery feeling came back. I pressed my palm against my stomach. Maybe I’d eaten something funny? “Hey, Diego. I thought I might find you here. Can I come in?”
“Um, yeah, sure. I was just trying to get everything set up for tomorrow before the cookout started. Lots to prepare.”
Wes closed the door behind him, sucking all the air out of the room. He was way too close now, just him and me in such a small space. With literally anyone else besides Brooks, my parents, and maybe now Skye, I would be flipping my shit. But with Wes, I felt . . . safe. I just knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
“Tomorrow? What’s going on then?”
Ah, fuck. Luca still hadn’t spoken to Wes about it? Why did this man put me on edge so much that I couldn’t think straight around him?
“Oh, um. They have a job tomorrow. I think Luca is gonna talk to you about it today.”
I also knew, though Brooks didn’t realize that I did, that my brother was going to ask Wes to babysit me. Maybe I should be offended, but I couldn’t find it in myself to be upset about that possibility.
