Page 144 of Painted Scars
Her body jerks with a silent sob. I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer to me, cradling her. Trauma doesn’t care about body counts. It lingers and sharpens, finding new corners to hide in. I fight a one-man battle, reminding her of her inner power.
I drag my fingertips down her spine, calling her back to me. “I’m here now. You’re never alone. We’re barnacles. Inseparable. You’re stuck with me.”
“I like being stuck with you.” She smiles and nods. I feel the shift in her breathing. The war in her body rages and will take time to win. We’ve reclaimed this minute.
She draws in a steadier breath and rests her head against my chest. Her messy waves tickle my collarbone. She smells like the lavender shampoo Charlie sent in a gift package, delivered by Harper and Katar. A small comfort of home. I hold her, heart to heart.
After a long moment, she tips her head back, moonlight catching her eyes. “I hate that he lives in my head.”
I squeeze her. “Then let’s evict him. I’m the only one allowed to live rent-free in your head.” I use some of the Book Girlie speak she’s taught me.
Her mouth crooks with amusement. She’s slowly coming back to me. “You’ve taken up way too much space in my head.”
I drift my palm over the soft curve of her shoulder. “Now who’s obsessed?”
She laughs into my pec. Not her normal, light laugh, but it’s warming up. “I’ll gladly admit that I’m obsessed with you.” Her fingers crawl down the middle of my stomach, tracing the outline of my abs. “Come here, Grumpy, and erase my nightmare.”
Her hand’s on my stomach, but this isn’t a trauma response. She’s choosing. Taking back the wheel from the nightmare. Glitter first, sanity second.
Before we go there, I lean back, stroking her arm lightly. “Put the brakes on anything romantic for a moment. Tell me what you need before I screw this up again.”
The smoldering wreckage sits heavy between us, and I don’t want to use sex as a fire extinguisher to put it out and pretend we’re fine. I fucked up and have to atone for it. I’ve gone over this a hundred ways in my head. I’m not naive enough to think running from the city cleared us of what I did.
Her eyes soften, telling me I’m not up for another battle. “I think I understand why you deceived me. You were protecting everyone. The city, Spartacus, your friends, and me. That’s a huge task and not easy to balance.”
“Yes, that was the goal.” I link our fingers and squeeze tightly. “I’m not doing it alone anymore. I’ve got a blinding light here along for the ride.”
She gives me a half-smile.
“I didn’t lie to manipulate you,” I admit. “I didn’t trust you’d still want me when you knew the whole truth. And I couldn’t lose you again. The first time wrecked me.”
She nods as the dark truth sinks in.
“You were an asshole to leave me. Twice!” Her voice doesn’t flinch.
I don’t think I can survive another mortar round to the chest. “Yeah, I was. I never wanted to hurt you by leaving.”
“But you’re my asshole.” She clasps my bicep. “And being angry at you only keeps me alone.”
Fuck. She’s giving me another chance.
I brush my palm down her arm and wait for her next words.
Her grip clamps on me like she never wants to let me go. “I want to put that in the past, move forward, and forgive you.”
The smoldering wreckage between us goes up in flames and burns to ash.
I cup the back of her neck and bring her forehead to mine. “So do I. But only if you call me Hell King or King Daddy.”
Josh snorts and rolls onto his belly, as if objecting to his fur-mom giving me a higher rank than him.
A smile curves her mouth. “No objection here.”
Josh growls at us both, and we laugh.
“Okay,” she whispers, smuggling closer. “Now erase my nightmare.”
Her touch asks for closeness and comfort. I’ll give her that. Restore the power she loses in her dreams.
